Depression

Depression is a deep hole not easy to climb out of. I think many people think "just snap out of it, get some fresh air." But, Chana I understand depression as I have fought with it my entire life. There isn't a quick fix or easy answer, only my understanding, and I hope that you find the peace that you really deserve. =)

=( You've captured the essence of depression in beauty and shards of glass against the heart and mind~I don't understand it from a personal perspective but I've seen the devestation it has left of people~I have been around it, and upon my first exposure to it {I'm being very honest here, Chana, please don't judge me for it because I've learned better since} I was so angry and bitter at the individual for putting every burden on me while he lay on the sofa day after day for moths while I busted my a** working to support him and his family, and one day I turned around and said "Well isn't it spanky for you to have the luxury to be depressed. I never had that choice having to bust hump working three jobs at once to support my family."
I've regretted those words ever since as I learned and experienced deeper and finally came to understand the severity and crushing reality of insidious depression.
And as my life shifts and my body shifts and biochemical processes alter, somedays I can barely move past myself. But I shove everything away and move past it without dealing with any of it, fully aware that its slowly killing me on a subconscious level, and unable to stop it.

~mine isn't depression~it's something else~and just as devastating~

I share Kelly's wish for you. I love the way you expressed your feelings but I would never say "That's nice" because that's what it(depression) is not.. I feel your agony and I feel my own too. (believe me) So I'm just gonna say, You are special to me. and I care!

To the world, you may only be one person
To one person, you may be the world
And I'm sending positve vibes out in the world for you.

Kelly said it well. It takes a long time to get a grip on it and see the warning signs and to fight your way out of the darkness that you would rather crawl into. I have fought it all my life. When ever I feel it coming on, I do everything I have been taught to fight it before it gets to hard to fight. I got help from a professional for years and thank god, because that is where I learned how to survive. Sometimes though it feels like an old friend and you just want to go with it. That's when I know, it's getting bad, snap out of it! For me, sometimes just going outside and sitting under a tree and breathing the air does help. Or a hug from one of my 4 legged friends helps. One of the Main reasons I do what I do for a living. The animals keep me loving life. And my life for the most part has not been a easy one.
You put your feelings down very well too. Feel free to write me anytime.

You're not alone, my dear friend... in fact, you're infinitely more blessed than many and many people in this world. Every time I felt I was going to fall into that dark hole, I reminded myself of this simple truth - usually it worked, even without any medications - and then the rescue came. ;-)

My heart is rushing out to you - hugs and prayers - S.

Depression is very misunderstood in today's society. It is finally receiving some publicity that it is a real medical condition.

You did a great job describing it.

It appears that there is a lot more of this going around these days. Either that, or it's just showing its ugly head more. As far as I'm concerned, drugs can only hide the problem. Not sure what else to say about it, Chana. We live our lives in reality. We suffer from the consequences, of not being able to fulfill our dreams, or live our lives the way we think it should be, or the way it could have been.

You've offered some good points Randall.  Depression is more on the upswing for many reasons ~ The state of the economy -- people losing their homes, their jobs, increased crime, many in the military coming back wounded or not at all . . .

Whatever the reasons for depression, I agree with you that drugs only hide the problem.  The person must deal with the root cause ~ whatever that may be.

thanks Ren'e.  sorry, don't know how to do that with your name..

Smiles Randall ~ Not to worry, everyone says the same thing ~ L O L.

For those who deal with stress and panic attacks, well living your life without your medication can be a mind blowing (not in a good way) experience. It does not even take that much to set off these episodes, what someone else may take as a minor annoyance can send someone who suffers from these attacks through the roof. Rather than hide the problem, it subdues it and helps keep you on a more even keel.

The same can be said for depression. I have it from nature and nuture both. I don't even want to discuss what would happen if I was to stop taking my medication. Suffice to say you would not like the results Randall. I hate having to take medication, but given the choice to stop today (with no side effects) I would choose to continue.

Hi Chana ~ You've started a GOOD DISCUSSION!

Hopefully, you will come back to explain this statement . . . "I hate having to take medication, but given the choice to stop today (with no side effects) I would choose to continue." ~ Chana

Chana ~ If you could stop taking medication (with no side effects), and no longer suffer any symptoms would you stop?

Rene, I am sorry. I kept seeing these comments and didn't know they were on my poem. I was so confused. Of course not suffering from these illness' would be preferable, but with this like most diseases there really is no choice. If you have to take them, then you have to take them.

I understand Chana. BIG HUGS to you.  I just came back from reading your latest ~ It was EXCELLENT!

Thanks for responding.

Your Friend ~ Rene

Chana, having been in that dark hole you speak of, on 2 separate occasions, I understand what you're talking about. For the first event, I didn't get any treatment, whatsoever, because I was too young and naive and I didn't know there was such a thing as postpartum depression. For the other event, my hubby realized how deeply depressed I was and he sought medical help for me.

If he hadn't, I don't believe I'd be here typing this!!

I wish there was something I could say to help.

It's a heartbreaking poem but excellently written.

Sending you hugs and prayers. I wish I was capable of doing more.

It must be a tough choice -- untreated depression vs. the drugs which mute life. I'm just glad there's more information out there now, and more people to understand the issues and how they affect the clinically depressed.

Actually Tracy they have made amazing progress with the medications. They had me on one twenty years ago that I stopped taking because it made me very jittery, it made my mouth dry all the time and I shaked like crazy. I have very few side effects with what I am on now. I am also able to write on the ones I am on now (not sure if its good or mundane, but its writing). For some untreated depression can be deathly, not a great option.

I to have been where you are now Chana. I have been on pills for depression for many years. Since my ex-husbond left me in 1978. I also suffer from panic Attacks. so I take pills for that too. Thank God for Col George, he has been my saving grace. He has brought me back to living my life as i should. Instead of hiding in my home..

This was written as part of an ongoing effort to redirect, reframe and effectively deal with depression.

Andromeda Unbound

Hugs, Chana. Depression can be far less tolerable than pain. So often people with depression themselves are deluded into thinking that it's an attitude problem and they can just pull themselves up by their bootstraps. You obviously are aware of the folly in that thinking. Support of your friends, including those here, helps but that support is not the whole answer. I'm glad that you seem to be doing well and am proud of you that you could write this very personal, insightful and helpful poem. Again, hugs, Chana.

oh my sweet Chana... i have also been affected by depression and panic attacks...
for me, medication is helping, but there are still days and weeks that i cannot even get out of bed for fear of feeling the pain again and again... i love you and wish you only the best... you are a very special lady and you deserve to be happy and well...
Bless you my friend...

Chana ~ This is CURRENTLY FEATURED in Artistic Therapy . . .

WE are carrying on several DISCUSSIONS on DEPRESSION at once in the Group.

This is EXCELLENT -- I'll be back to read and comment.

Depression can take on many different forms but chronic depression is a quiet killer. It murders relationships and dreams, it crushes creativity and wounds the soul. I consider depression to be both my enemy and my friend. It is my friend because it has been a constant companion and I have grown to accept it as a part of me. It is my enemy because it has allowed me to isolate myself from friends and family. It has caused me to miss out on my opportunities that were presented to me. I was on a depression cocktail for almost 12 years. The cocktail was needed because I also suffer from alcohol addiction and adhd. They all feed into one another and need to be tackled separately and as a unit. I felt I needed the break from the meds but the struggle to get through each day is so much harder. Some days I don't even try.

Linda ~ I hear "WISDOM" speaking in your words, and I pray that you will pull through as you are destined to do.

May God bless you abundantly in ways that are meant for you, and YOU alone.

HUGS ~ Rene

Please feel free to post this to thepoetscircle.

I have experience depression so bad that sometimes I accomplished nothing but eating and brushing my teeth and staying in bed all day.

The best definition of depression: There is a bottle of pills across the room that will cure the depression, but the depressed person simply cannot get out of bed to take a pill. "I would have to get out of bed, open the bottle, get a pill, go for a glass of water which I would have to wash. I just can't do it." One day I needed a bar of soap from under the sink, but I just couldn't open the door. I said I will get it tomorrow.

I am doing well on an anti-depressant.

I wish for you a better future.

I am keeping you in my prayers Leo. I'm wishing for you and praying for you a better and brighter day each day of your life!

Chana, you are brave to share your heart. I saw Rene's post but feel unable to share right now. It has been a very dark time for me and I am trying to keep my feet under me.

Oh Karen ~ I just saw this response you put in here for Chana.  I hope that you come back to let us know that you are okay.  I will keep you in my prayers.  HUGS ~ Rene

Rene and Chana.  I don't recall feeling this level of depression since 1985 and that is a very long time.  The horrible job experience with Franciscan Health Systems and the fear of the future just took me downward for a while.  I am on a new job...well, back to doing home health nursing and I am feeling a bit of myself come back again.  Thankful for that.  It was joining back with my friends on Gather that infused hope and life in me again.  I am so grateful.

Oh Karen ~  I am so glad you came back to respond.  You had me worried.  You know that you have so many "friends" here in Gatherland, and you can call on me any time -- I hope you know that.  You have been so supportive of me.  If you ever need anything, just hollar ~ lol.  I'm always around -- a little slow pokie sometimes {smiles} but I'm here for you.

I do know that Rene, you are a dear friend and a wonderful person to travel with.  I hope that my creative energies will rise but know that in the greater scheme of healing that will come along after my energy returns.  I am beginning to sleep well again and wake with less fear of the day.

Hi Karen! ~  I know EXACTLY what you mean.  Sleeping well is a GOOD START!

The "fear factor" is a matter of adjusting perception and flipping gears.  Somehow I know where you're at . . . it is the point of S t r e t c h i n g. And, although it feels like the "breaking point", it is only GROWTH in ACTION.

I do so hope you come back to share all of the GOOD NEWS ~ and it will be OVERWHELMING ~ no doubt!

Your Prophetic Friend,

Rene

{{{HUGS}}} sweetie.... depression is something I've dealt with so many times in my life.

I too have struggled with the blackhole of depression.............your words are painful, relatable and true....hang in there....

((( Let me know where I can send you a "honeysuckle plant"...surely there is a place you can put it and sit next to it...)))

Funny how I just came across this post today! I restarted taking my medication today. If given the choice of taking one little pill or crying every day, I choose the pills! I know how you feel, Chana!

Chana!...

I just came across this post today as well. You have captured the essence of depression with your words. I, too, live with this problem and have for many years -- in fact, all my life. Medications have only given me partial relief. I know very well the feelings you feel; you are not alone.

Chana ~ I came back to re-read this dynamic and emotional post.  Thank you for responding to my Article.

The comments you have received in response to this heart~felt writing are worthy of note for many reasons.

The deep dark hole of depression occurs for many reasons ~ varied by personal benefactors.  It is not something to be ashamed of, feared, or even pitied.  It is what it is.

And like any butterfly, there are stages that we each go through.  We travel our paths.  We choose many of our weights unknowingly.  Some of those weights are quite HEAVY. Sometimes the heaviest part of the weight begins in our minds.

It is easy to say "snap out of it." ~ It has been said to many a depressed person.  But from where I sit (and not in judgment) but in experience -- It is the HAND of GOD that reaches deep within and pulls out that which is readily at hand, but often overlooked.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made for a purpose, for a reason, for a cause, for LIFE.

LIFE is to be lived to the fullest even when WE are empty.

It is with admiration that I applaud those who descend into the depths, for they have nowhere else to go ~ and no place else to STAND, but on TOP.

BELIEVE it or not.

No one is alone ~ and yet WE come into this world alone ~ being held or not.  The passage lights the way for a solitary one ~ being YOU.

When WE get to the place of aloneness, we can enter the place of profound WISDOM.  Only then will WE HEAR.  And, only then will WE KNOW.  And, if WE are WISE, WE will LISTEN and gain an UNDERSTANDING.

My troubles do not compare to the troubles of so many others.  Which leads me to realize the fraility of my being.

And be what it may, I AM who I AM, and YOU are who YOU are, and you are LOVED regardless of whether anyone acknowledges it or not.  YOU MUST KNOW.

Rene, I am going to come back tomorrow. I have to do something here and then go to bed. Its almost 1 AM here and I am beat. I really appreciate what you are doing here, I hope it helps people.

Best wishes ...

Out of all of Chana's posts here in Artistic Therapy, this one really makes me weepy.

Chana will truly be missed. I really do miss her voice.

This one line in this piece just strikes a cord in me . . .

"the life less lived."

And this just brings me to tears . . .

"Rene, I am going to come back tomorrow. I have to do something here and then go to bed. Its almost 1 AM here and I am beat. I really appreciate what you are doing here, I hope it helps people."

Good night every body ~ or rather good morning . . . It is 1 a.m.

I have to deal with depression every day as well. I think some times i am alone but i know i am not. I have panic attacks as well. I do take meds for this. But sometimes i just wanna sit in a dark corner and be myself. I have made myself be here on gather so i can feel like i have some one to talk to everyday even if i dont.

Really just here for friends and have fun.

Hi Regina!

WE are very glad that you are here with us. You have many here in Artistic Therapy that can relate to what you are going through, and we are always here for you when you'd like to talk.

WE have had plenty of DISCUSSIONS here in this Group about "depression" and "panic attacks". We have also discussed the various medications, the good and the bad about them, and how they have helped in many cases. We have also discussed alternative methods of dealing with "depression" and other related conditions.

You have plenty of FRIENDS here who can understand and relate to what you have to share. Feel free to jump right on in to the discussions!

HUGS ~
Your Friend,
René

Thanks Rene. Gather really has helped me a lot.

I would urge you to go to the DrugAwareness.org site (run by Ann Blake Tracy). There is a slow and methodical way to wean yourself off the drugs, which is very important. There are so many better and healthier ways to deal with this, which so many people have. A major cause is just that our food has become so depleted and processed over time. So most of us are lacking critical nutrients. One of the best for depression is Omega-3 oils, which you can get from fish / flax and even hemp (which has the oils in proper balance). Definitely pursue the alternatives -- and exercise certainly helps too. I totally know where you are coming from. But there are so many other people who have this as well, and we don't have to suffer. We just need to learn the nutrients and lifestyle habits to make us healthy -- and it's an exciting journey together! Thanks for posting this.

Even in times of challenge and darkness, Chana was a true artist with her words. She whipped up images and spun a web so you could actually "feel" those images.

I miss you, chana. I imagine you are in heaven smiling at us. All your pain is gone too.