Why?

Why do I write poems about God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit and Heaven?

Why do I write articles trying to give people some of what I have learned, that include Bible verses?

Why do I care so much about others?

Why do I keep on writing when some articles have few comments or someone low rates them?

Why?

Because this is my life. This is how I want to spend my life. I could sit and read all day between chores. I could sit and play on Pogo all day. I could watch tv or a movies all day.

I choose to be here on gather because I love writing and I love uplifting others. Even if no one leaves me comments, I would still write.  There are many nights I have woken up to write something over the past few years. I did not know why until I read a comment that said, "Thanks, I needed to hear that today." Then I know why it was important for me to go write my thoughts down. I am amazed sometimes with the timing. One man told me he was going to head for work when he saw and read my article. He told me it was something he needed to hear.  After that I knew I could not ignore the tug I felt to get on gather to write something.

I wrote a comment on another article a few minutes ago and I realized I needed to write this article.

My poems sometimes just flow through me. They may start out one way but many times surprise me with the endings. Many times in my poems, God speaks in the poem. I believe he is speaking to me as when this happens many times I almost cry when the poem is done.

Many years ago  in 1989 when I was so sick it looked like I was going to die I turned to God. He in turn found ways to teach me the Bible. The first thing I read that helped was a book I bought for 5 cents at a thrift store. "Christianity is Jewish" by Edith Schaffer. It tied the old testament and the new testament together for me.

My husband printed out chapters of the bible on paper for a notebook for me. I never felt comfortable writing in a Bible. It seemed too sacred to me. He did this despite telling me he thought I was a fanatic.

Over the years I learned more and more and my health got good enough for me to be more functional. I still do not have the lung capacity I should have. I was exposed to chemicals which I believe contributed to my illness.

One day I was so overwhelmed with God's unconditional love, I gave my life to him. I pray he uses me everyday to help someone. He forgave me for all the sins I had done including trying to commit suicide when I was despondent over my children being kidnapped by my ex. He sent me back many times to my life.

The last event was in 1979 when I had accidentally overdosed.  I woke up in the cardiac care unit with a memory of talking with God. He had told me I had to be more careful and not let something like this happen again. He would not to be able to send me back again. He told me many people were counting on me. I remember a sweet sweet smell and a feeling more wonderful than I ever had in my life.  I had no clue what he meant.  Who could be counting on me.  So far in my mind, I had messed everything up in my life.

The years went on and when he tugged at my heart and told me to do something I did. If it was to pay for something, write a note, hand someone something I did it. I could see in their eyes that what ever it was, it was an answer to something they had asked God.

One time I was talking in a laundry mat to someone.  I was just rambling on trying to pass the time with her. We got into a conversation and I began talking about how I belonged to God and how what I owned belonged to God and it was easier to handle losses. If I were to have my car stolen, I would know that God would see to my needs and get me another one. (last year my gps was stolen out of my car in front of my house. My neighbor had a wallet stolen and when I told the officer about the gps, he was surprised I wasn't upset.)

She seemed to really enjoy the conversation. She was reluctant to leave, but her ride was there.  It was at that point she thanked me so much for the talk, that it really helped, her car had been stolen. I almost fell off my chair.

It is times like this that I realize that things happen for a reason.

I can't explain why God sent me back and not others who attempted suicide like I did. I can't explain why there was several incidents where the Holy Spirit got involved and saved my life. All I know is that miracles happen. They happened to me.

When I dated my husband we were going down a road in his vw rabbit.  All at once my feet were on the dashboard and I was screaming.  He jammed on the brakes. He must have thought I was out of my mind. But when we stopped a large white car that would have hit us if he didn't stop, ran a stop sign and crossed within inches of us in front ot the car.

Another time years later I was driving my son to school with my baby daughter in her child seat in the back of the car.  When we left the driveway he had coughed and spat up so I decided to bring him to the doctor instead. We went up to the end of our block and made a left. I drove down to the light. When the light turned green I put my right foot on the gas to go. It was as if my foot had a mind of its own.  It went back onto the brake pedal. I tried to move it, but it wouldn't budge so I didn't push it.  I looked to see if there were any cars behind me and there was one.  The lady didn't look very happy. Then I looked forward and a farm truck full of hay blew the red light.  Had I gone we probably would have been in a bad accident. There was not way for me to know, or see this happening.  The Holy Spirit once again intervened and saved us.

I can't describe how these events feel. There is such a great awe at the power of God and deep gratitude and great wonder at the whole thing.

Sure there are times in my life I get depressed. It hasn't been a bed of roses. But having faith in God and the hopes and promise in Jesus of eternal life gives me the strength to go on despite what trials and tribulations I have/do go through.

I dream about the glory of heaven and what it is going to be like. I look forward to being able to dance and run again. I look forward to never hurting and getting sick. Seeing my loved ones again will be a glorious moment.  Seeing Jesus and God and living eternally is a fantastic promise. I believe it is all there waiting for me and everyone else that believes.

Am I stupid, believing in fairy tales? I don't believe so. Do I have a low intelligence that such things like science makes no sense to me.  No, in fact I think science has some of the keys to how God did the things he did.

How can I believe that God made the Heavens and Earth in 7 days?  Here's a clue to that one, before there was an earth, the stars, sun and moon that we base our 24 hour day on, what was God's definition of a day?

All I know is I am to believe and trust in God like children trust and believe. If he want to reveal things to me, I know he will. He believes in me, how can I not believe in him?

How can I believe in a God I can't see? Oh, honey you don't have to see him to believe in him. We can't see the air around us, yet we know it's there. Sometimes you need to look around you, the face of your newborn child, the flowers when they bloom, a bright sunny day sitting on the beach watching the clouds go by, the night time display of the sun going down, the quiet by a river while you fish for trout.... He's there alright, you just have to see the gift he gives us.

If God is so powerful why in the Old Testament did he ask for sacrifices? Well, for one thing so we would understand the sacrifice of Jesus, the ultimate lamb who died for our sins.  And two, he wanted to know everyone's heart. Back then sacrificing a lamb that was perfect with no blemish was sacrificing the best lamb in the whole flock. That was a hard thing for someone to give up. God could have taken out all the lambs he wanted, after all he was God. He wanted to know if people loved him that much as well as for everyone to understand how hard it was for him to give up his only son.  He is interested in our hearts.

It takes a lot for a person to admit they have done wrong and ask for forgiveness. That is a matter of the heart.  Once a person can do this, they can go on to forgive others in their lives. Not meaning they have to be a doormat. But if you have messed up and realized it, you can understand how others messed up. Forgiving is a gift you give yourself as you no longer carry the pain and resentment, nor are you full of hate. Forgiveness is so very very hard, I know that so well, but when you are full of anger and hate, the peace of the Lord cannot enter your heart.