An Apology For Seeking Article Views And Comments!

(PLEASE DON'T READ THE FOLLOWING - WE  HAVE EMBARRASSINGLY TOO MANY VIEWS AND COMMENTS AS IT IS! IT WENT TO NUMBER ONE MOST VIEWED ON GATHER 5/2/09 - CUT THAT STUFF OUT!)

Sometimes you have to come clean about something that's bothering you. Sometimes you have to bare your soul and get something out on the table in order to clear it up for both others and yourself. And sometimes you just have to admit that you're doing something wrong so that you can start looking in the proverbial mirror again without trepidation.

I'm facing one of those moments, fellow Gatherers. Please listen as I bare my soul to y'all.

I'm going to admit to doing something here, something I'm not very proud of. Something that I should be punished for doing, something that, I realize, might get me banned from Gather for life. Regardless of the consequences, however, I have to press forward here and admit something to y'all, something that I'm ashamed to say. Nonetheless, I'm going to be a man here and man up, so here we go. Fellow Gatherers, I'm guilty of the following:

I deliberately post articles designed to get as many views and comments as possible!

I'm nearly wallowing in the floor in shame over this admission. What could I have been thinking? Why would I be so crass as to want the broadest possible audience to read whatever it is that I'm writing?

It's selfish of me, I know, in fact, it's more than selfish. It shows no regard for the feelings of others, those who would feel better if my works didn't get read nearly as much. It also shows no empathy towards the feelings of those who feel that being relatively widely read is wrong. I humbly ask for all those type people to grant me forgiveness, what could I have been thinking?

Here's where I'm going to make amends, my fellow Gatherers. I'm the type who doesn't just like to complain, I'm a doer and a fixer. So, in that spirit, in the future, if I see an article of mine starting to rack up views and comments, I promise to do one of the following:

1. Right at the top of the article, once I've reached say fifty views, I'll put up the following words in large, boldfaced type:

PLEASE DON'T READ THIS ANYMORE!

2. Encourage Gather to attach an "Anti-Points Stimulus Package" to my writings. Here's how it would work - beyond a certain number of views or comments I would actually start getting points deducted. Then, these points could be given to people who write like poopie. We'd end up with true points redistribution, and then peace and harmony would reign throughout Gather ever after. I'm almost tearing up at the thought of it.

3. I'll do a survey here on Gather regarding topics that people least want to read about, and then do articles about them. I'll bet that after a few weeks worth of articles about septic tank repair, hangnail tips, and how Hitler was misunderstood that my nasty old views/comments issue will take care of itself!

I feel much better now. I think these solutions will help, and once again I apologize to everyone for being so audacious as to be openly encouraging people to read my articles. Sometimes I do get a bit carried away, but a little less Diet Mountain Dew and the continual replaying of Woodstock over and over in my brain should get me back to normal quicker than a gnat can scratch his poopie-maker....

Hopefully that will work, and people will go away and leave my articles alone.