If someone remove's a friendship...have they really disconnected from you??? - Major rant!!!

I tell ya...Gather has taught me a lot of things.  Let me tell you why.  There are a lot of self-righteous, holier than thou people out in this world.  They are so quick to judge people.  They think they understand why certain people are the way they are.  They critize people for their emotions and pain and even try to compare their circumstances against the ones they complain about and think they know exactly what they are talking about!  NO THEY DON'T!!!!!!!! In fact they are only showing their ignorance and stupidity.  Look at the folks that misjudged Susan Boyle.  It put a lot of people in their place when they realized how wrong they were about her.

First of all...  Hang in there with me and I will get to the subject at hand.  But I want to say a few things first.  I find it so amazing that people want to complain about my emotions.  I don't care who you are...no circumstances are alike.  Not one!  And for some folks to judge others based on their ignorance and lack of knowledge of that individual's life experiences, then adding their self-righteous judgemental attitude that they would handle things better than the person that they are complaining about...pretty much shows how dumb some people can be!

Ah yeah!  I am warning you!  I won't be painting a pretty picture here.  When I first signed up on Gather...I pretty much tried to be nice, even with the naysayers.  But not any more!  Your superficial, demeaning, self-righteous attitude has pushed me over the edge and now...  I DON'T GIVE A "RATS A**"...WHAT YOU THINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can handle pretty much any type of stress.  But when I have one financial blow after another, after another, after another, after another...it will eventually break me!  People have no earthly idea how bad it is for me!  Yes...I tried to play it cool in the beginning and give a lot of my stuff away for prizes.  I had my days when I could handle some of it, but now the pain is beyond anything that I have ever experienced in my life and I am quite frankly tired of it.

I can't trust most people to keep their word.  So I have reduced myself to subjecting myself to experiences that I would have never placed myself under prior to this.  I am tired of not paying my bills on time, nor at all.  I am tired of my utilities and phone being cut off over and over again. I am tired of being afraid that I will have to sleep with the rats again.  Yeah...I said again.

I have $1.20 in my bank account at this moment and an empty gas tank.  I have a sub job tomorrow and another job on Monday and I have no way of getting to work!  I can't do the simplest things any more, like buying toilet paper!  Which most of you take for granted.  You can't get toilet paper on food stamps!

Again...  I am tired!  I am hurting!  I am tired of people blowing things out of proportion and fabricating garbage about me that they know nothing about.  And yes...this pain is going to come out somewhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It comes out through my blogging.  That's how I release some of the pain.

I don't care what some of you have been through...most of you have your rent or mortgage paid.  Most of you have money for electric, gas, phone and other expenses.  You can go on vacations.  Go to the movies.  Go to concerts.  Go out to eat.  Do fun things on the weekend!  I CAN'T DO ANY OF THAT!!!!!!!!!!  I just sit home and read all the fun stuff most of you get to do.  I do my best to be happy for you.  I wouldn't want any of you to have my life.

I dream of just being able to go get some toilet paper without having to dig through my dresser drawers to try to find enough change to afford it!  Which now...my cubbards are bare.  I have pretty much tapped them all out!

As mentioned above...  Under normal everyday stress...I have always handled things very well. But when I have to spend every waking moment wondering which church or organization that I can go to...to get a few of my bills paid that I have not gone to a dozen times or more already; or I spend my time picking up pennies in public and private parking lots and around dumpsters so I can gather enough change to put a little gas in my car every few days; or going around and picking up old lotto scratch cards on the ground and in dumpsters, hoping someone made a mistake and threw away a winning ticket by accident, just to have a little cash in my pocket... then it gets to be a bit too much.

I have kept a majority of the realities of my situation hidden...but since some folks want to spend their time in the judgement seat of God where my life is concerned...then let me give you a reason to judge me and call me a low life scum if you must!!!!!

I AM SO FREAKIN' TIRED OF THE PAIN AND BEING SCREWED BY PEOPLE!!!  I once was respected and had everything going for me.  Then one day out of nowhere, without warning the bottom falls out and BLAMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!  Everything turns upside down in my life!

All I've got to say is...SHAME ON YOU A** HOLES FOR JUDGING PEOPLE WHO ARE HURTING LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!  SHAME ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You have no earthly idea what I or anyone like me is going through!!!!!!!!  SHAME ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now...  You might want to know what triggered these emotions...you say???  Well...  Someone left me a derogatory self-righteous statement on one of my posts today...which by the way I deleted and will keep deleting them.  And again...  I DON'T GIVE A "RATS A**"...WHAT ANYONE THINKS ANY MORE!!!!

Now this individual proceeded to remind me why she disconnected from me.  Okay...  Here is my question.  Did she really disconnect from me?  Or was it just a formality in her head?  In reality... all she did was change her friendship status with me.  She never disconnected.  You know why???  Because she keeps coming back around.  She still reads my posts.  She still is putting a few bucks in my pocket.

Why do people say they disconnect from you, but they keep coming back, even if it is to leave you a derogatory statement?  What keeps drawing them back to you?  It seems that nothing in them wants to leave you alone.  They can't possibly think that ill of you or you would never hear from them again.  Right?

I don't know about you...but when I disconnect from a Gather member...I NEVER visit their profiles, read their posts, or anything of the sorts again.  I mean...why would I want to help people out who spend all their waking moments chewing me out???

In fact...this individual in question...I actually forgot about until she left me a comment this afternoon and reminded me why she disconnected.  But she doesn't see that she never really disconnected from me.  Because again...she keeps coming back.  It's been months since she removed our friendship and duh???  She's still around.  Why???  I mean...every so often I hear from her and she reminds me yet again why she disconnected.  Duh???  What's wrong with this picture???

If she dislikes me so much, why does she keep wanting to help me with points and put money in my pocket?  As previously mentioned...she can't dislike me that much, or I would never hear from her again.  She never hears from me and she never will.  I mean...be realistic and think about it.  Shoot...  It must have not yet dawned on her that there must be some really special quality in me that keeps drawing her back.  Inside she hasn't convinced her brain yet that she thinks I am pretty special.

Bottom line.  When I disconnect...I disconnect.  Nothing about those folks draws me back into their circle.  Now if they have a change of heart and wants to reconsider, I am open enough to listen to them.  But at this time...I refuse to allow people to continue to abuse me.  No more!!! It's over!

Freedom of speech does not give you the constitutional right to degrade someone.  Disagreeing with a person's beliefs, statements and/or actions are one thing and I have never deleted a person's comment because of it.  But when you couple that disagreement with personal attacks on me as a person...than that is when you have crossed the line and I will no longer tolerate it. Everything from here on out will be deleted.  And if you want to rant about me on your side of the world.  Feel free.  You have that right.  But I won't touch it, nor will I add any $$$ to your pocket, because you think I will be tempted to read it...because I won't.

I'm not going to waste my energy, nor my time any more trying to suck up to people so they will like me.  Then turn around and have them stab me in the back!  No more!  I tell you!  No more! Besides...I don't kiss butt very well anyway!

I have always been fair with people and tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and yet have been railroaded many times for doing it.  I am at a point in my life, where I want only the people that add to my life, not take away from it.  So...  If I am not your type, I understand and I wish you well.  But half my life is now over and I want to spend the rest of it, enjoying as much of it as I can and with the people I love.