by anne ( way 2 crazy of a life ) c.
Member since:
October 9, 2007

what do I do now????

April 30, 2009 11:33 AM EDT
views: 116 | comments: 37

I love my son, and it breaks my heart to see him hurting this bad.  My son is only 4 and he had a really really hard time today.  I took him to his preschool like normal.  I walked him in because i was too late for the teacher to walk him.   Well I told him okay Mommy is leaving in 5 mins.   Well I did the whole count down thing with him.  He told freaked I said okay mommy will leave in so many mintues.  Well the teacher said she will help to take him to the gym, I told him okay mommy will watch you shoot the basketball but I really do have to go.  I told him good bye but he must not of heard me, because I went and walkeed out the door and all of a sudden I hear MOMMY, and him screaming and trying to open the door to get to me.  I  know we have had a few problems at home, I am not sure if that is  what the issue or if he is just in a funky phase.  Noramally when I drop him off and don't go in it does not seem to be a problem, but the next two weeks i will have to be at the school.  On next thrusday there is a Mothers day tea party, then the follwoing thrusday is  his special helper day.  Well lucky for me the next thursday after that is the last day of school.  Has anyone else gone through this with thier child?? It is breaking my heart and I hate to seem him hurting like, but honestly don't know what to do.   Please help me with ideas on how to get him through this.  PS I never told him about the other two teachers are leaving, but maybe that could be part of it???

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Comments: 37

Ghostly Ghoul Apr 30, 2009, 11:35am EDT
To be honest it's best to say "I love you, mommy will be back in X amount of time. I promise! I love you!" and just leave. It's hard but he'll adjust easier.
Ghostly Ghoul Apr 30, 2009, 11:36am EDT
You can also give him something of yours like a scarf that he can keep with him at school.
Abby N. Apr 30, 2009, 11:38am EDT
I don't know.........perhaps a reward when he stays calm?
Nora Davenport Apr 30, 2009, 11:42am EDT
Wow, that's a hard one.....never had that problem with our son.....perhaps maybe talk to the teacher(s) and see what's suggested......it could be that he's just having a bad day. It's always so hard for us, as parents, to see our kids in pain.
Renee S. Apr 30, 2009, 11:43am EDT
I agree with Ghostly, you have to tell them I love you, I will be back, and I have to go and just do it. They will get used to it.
Kimber L. Apr 30, 2009, 11:49am EDT
My daughter did this to me in preschool - her teachers said the minute I left she was fine. The best thing for you to do is just go - they are fine.
Shannon M. Apr 30, 2009, 12:10pm EDT
I agree that you have to just say your goodbyes right up front, say you will be back soon, and then just leave. Hanging around is only making it worse on him.
Jacquie M. Apr 30, 2009, 12:34pm EDT
I did go through this with my son- we did it at 2 when he started, and quickly stopped...but then at 4 he started again- I'm still not sure why. We just spent weeks of talking about how Mommy's always come back (there is a book that talks about that too). I found it best to make my stays shorter- I'd drop him off, kicking and screaming, tell him I loved him and I would be back by this time (making sure I was back BEFORE then- never after or you've undermined your work) and left him in the teacher's arms- and then cried myself home....eventually he did grow out of it- and became very independent as a result- Good luck and remember "This too shall pass"
Pat V. Apr 30, 2009, 12:48pm EDT
It's hard. I went through it with my daughter years ago. She would cry every time I dropped her off at school. You said, though, that it isn't a problem when you drop him off and don't go it. Could you drop him off a minute earlier, let him get inside so he can't see you, then go in yourself? Would that help?
Sandy (back in Ohio...blah!) Apr 30, 2009, 1:35pm EDT
I have no clue. I never had that pronlem with any of my three kids. Not even my daughter and she is real clingy when I am home.
.* Sandi * Apr 30, 2009, 1:53pm EDT
they go thru stages
what about making a vow to each other
I used to give my kid something that i told him was special to take to school
that only he and i knew about
and when he felt lonely he could look at it and he in turn would give me something of his, and i would look at it and think of him.
when he left i kissed his hand and he made a fist
and held it for when ever he needed a kiss
that seemed to help
Denise E. Apr 30, 2009, 1:58pm EDT
Awe - I'm so sorry you're going through this with him. Separation anxiety is tough. I'm not sure what you're going through at home or what helps him to feel most content, but we focused on that and with my first daughter and it seemed to help. She loves books, so for show and tell she brought a book and was so excited to show it that the wasn't focused on the separation. We talked about things she liked the most at school on the way there and by the time we got there, she was excited to go. Eventually she grew out of it. Maybe something like that will help. Best of luck to you!
golds g. Apr 30, 2009, 3:07pm EDT
maybe spend more time with him when your togetter at home one on one time ...
Steph-in-NE ..... Apr 30, 2009, 3:23pm EDT
we had that witht he gson now he bigger and getting better,, he has other issue yet will conquer them
♥♥LoViNg♥LiFe♥ ♥♥ Apr 30, 2009, 3:53pm EDT
I never had to deal with that.
My kids were all excitedto start school
fancy c. Apr 30, 2009, 5:30pm EDT
awwwwww
Debby C. Apr 30, 2009, 6:00pm EDT
good luck with this...I hope he relaxes soon....such a sweetie pie!
Nancy Biri Apr 30, 2009, 8:44pm EDT
Good luck
Marsha S. Apr 30, 2009, 8:44pm EDT
When my daughter wasn't living here and not really coming around that often we went through this big time with Ariel
Hello
Mary M. Apr 30, 2009, 8:57pm EDT
Don't drag it out. Let him have a hug and kiss and tell him you'll be back later and head out. He'll settle down after you leave.
Dana W. Apr 30, 2009, 9:24pm EDT
I agree with everyone else here. Take him in then tell him you will be back to pick him up give him love and leave. The longer you stay the harder it is on him and more he will act out.
Denise B. Apr 30, 2009, 9:36pm EDT
you are doing it right by "timming" but you really NEED to leave when you say you will or he will think you are "lying" and could stay if you wanted. Leave - it is hard but do it.
Sandra L. Apr 30, 2009, 10:21pm EDT
My daughter went through this. We ended up taking her to a counselor for a couple of sessions and that really helped.
norene t. Apr 30, 2009, 10:58pm EDT
I had one go through this. The other didnt know (or care) that I left!
debra g. Apr 30, 2009, 11:17pm EDT
If does hurt you more than him.Tell him you love him and leave,he will fine but your feelings will hurt.At this age they really want to stay with Mom and it will get better.
Linda T. May 1, 2009, 4:48am EDT
It is difficult to watch your child go through this stage. Kids bounce back easier into the routine if the moms say good bye quickly. Kiss him tell him you will see him soon and leave. Prolonging it makes it worse.
Megan R. May 1, 2009, 12:56pm EDT
I'm a Kindergarten teacher, and I definitely see this sometimes. Generally the best thing is to say a quick goodbye and just leave. Almost every kid I've ever seen calms down very quickly once mom is out of sight. Within minutes, you'd never know they were upset at all!
Nancy Biri May 2, 2009, 3:40pm EDT
Stopping by to say hi
Elizabeth B. May 2, 2009, 6:11pm EDT
I had to give one of the boys a photo to carry....I told him I would be here after school and I love him, it took a few days but it worked

pif
Erinn K. May 4, 2009, 9:58am EDT
Awwwwww that would break my heart =(
Praj S. May 5, 2009, 10:16pm EDT
good luck.
Hi from HH
Avril H. May 10, 2009, 8:25am EDT
good luck with this one, hope it works out soon for you.


pn
Marie L. May 10, 2009, 11:36am EDT
I have gone through this with my son a lot, especially when he was younger. He has sensory disorder and doesn't like change so getting him settled can be a real problem. I've found the only thing that works is to kiss him goodbye, remind him I'll be back later and then go. He has gotten much better as he's gotten older although it still happens sometimes. And now, since I lost my job, he's home with me rather then preschool which worries me because I think he really benefitted from the interaction -- sigh.
Ouch, I had the opposite problem, I'd leave ours and he'd be fine (always on the first couple days of school, it'd hit me!) and I'd leave and start bawling! It's true though as I remember back when I went to school (yes, that long ago), that when you leave quickly, they're fine as soon as you go. You could also ask the teacher if this is the case w/him, if it's not, ask her opinion?

Good luck,
Marilyn

PS: thanks for the friend invite!
Angela A. May 13, 2009, 10:04pm EDT
I never really had this problem with either son.
I think it stems from separation anxiety..
Or either something about school is stressing him out.
Set him down and ask if anything new has happened that is bothering him.
Like is someone picking on him?
Is the teacher's being mean?
Does he have any issues with toileting habits?
Just about anything you can think to ask.
Get it out there.
Here's some love from, Points Nation!
Jenn P. May 15, 2009, 8:40pm EDT
as super nanny would say its part of growing up he not hurting hes testing u
Linda M. May 19, 2009, 11:10am EDT
I'll never forget the time I first left my daughter at a mother's day out at the church. Even though she had been to the baby sitters while at work, this was her first time away from
home that was in a situation when she wasn't there just because I was working.

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