I went to have my 14 year old diagnosed today. The diagnosis is "Developmental Trauma Disorder."
Developmental Trauma Disorder is when a child doesn't develop normally because of he or she doesn't receive a care giver 's love or is separated from that care giver through neglect or abuse. A child doesn't develop normally and lacks trust in human beings.l
A baby cries, and a mommy comes. Normal, but what about the foster kids? What about the abused kids? We will all have to live with the results of these abandoned, and unwanted little people.
My daughter was one. When I first got her, she was just turning five. I had a new car, and went to shut the window in my two door Pontiac Trans AM. It didn't work. I pushed the button a few more times, but it wouldn't shut. So I turned to see why, expecting a faulty switch, but instead, my then foster daughter's face was being crushed in the window. She never made a sound, but tears rolled down her molted, red, little face. I screamed, and opened the window. I grabbed her out of the seat, and asked her why she didn't make a sound.
Are you ready?
She said, "I thought you were doing it on purpose."
These kids don't make sounds. They don't complain, Why? Nobody cares. She grew to have a few problems as some of you know. So today, I took her for an analysis. We've been through therapy, but no one has come up with a significant diagnosis until today. She is such a conflict of disorders because she's a good kid, but gets into trouble with a lack of impulse control.
Developmental Trauma Disorder
She is textbook, except for the fact that she bonded to me. The doctor said that even though I had no training, everything I did is what she needed. She's borderline, but considering her background of horrible abuse and trauma, she's doing well. She's a problem child as a normal problem child would be, but she attached to our family and especially me.
Why am I sharing this?
- I want mommies to know how important that hug is.
- I want daddies to know how important just being there is .
- I want parents who put that three year old down tonight to do it with a kiss.
Did you have a hard day? They need your love and discipline anyway. Don't let anyone take time away from you and your child. Foster children who are bounced from home to home have no home. They have and need you. One person to love them unconditionally, even when they are unlovable. Just a touch, a song, a silly game, and you've saved a child from developmental trauma disorder, maybe.
God bless, and thanks for listening!
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Comments: 50
"had no training, everything I did is what she needed".....how fortunate for her to have you for a mom and how fortunate for you to have her as a daughter. It's great that you found each other and even better that you all have created a family.
She needs to feel safe. It's really that simple. Hugs! She needs proper therapy, but I lucked out, because I just am so overprotective of her, that I naturally smother mothered her, and that's what she needs. I'm oversimplifying it, but if you need more information go to google and google the term. Also, if anyone needs what help or support I can provide, email and I'll work with you.
Your daughter is blessed to have found you. Many hugs to you tonight.
I'll give you an example of how I would handle the hair pullng in my own inept way:
I'd pull my hair and say, "Ow!" Put it on her level and try to keep things as light as possible. No, no in my again inept humble opinion, is all these kids hear. So making it a game but showing how it hurts may be effective. Good luck. ; }
mooch
The new diagosis is this name. RAD is more geared toward adults who suffer trauma like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder like in war.
And blessings to you and your daughter.
I always wanted to be a foster parent for that reason to help when someones in need but I know its so hard but me and my husband love kids and to see them hurt kills us both inside... We were out eating one night at a Waffle House after work and this young couple came in with a 13month old child the child seemed happy. It was a cold night and this child had no coat on and had short sleeves. later on the police showed up and took the child. I knew one of the lady's that worked their and asked her what was going on and she said that the couple had been doing drugs (pot) in the car with the child. The windows were all closed up while they were driving and the child was high. Not long after the police showed up but this lady in a mini van showed up. It was the child's grandmother and she had told the waitress that she had been trying to get the child for months.. She herself was a foster parent to other children but couldn't even get her own grandchild until that night. If it wasn't for the cook at the WH no one would have ever known the child was exposed to such a life.. I just wonder if that child would have grown up to think that was OK and then do that to there child. and the cycle continues.
You are sending a very important message that all should here. I know full well how it hurts not to get a hug or a kiss but get hit or kicked instead. Told shut up as the tv is more importnat.
I hug and give my children a kiss every day. I tell them I love you more than once a day. I even tell my two little ones as they get on the vus that I love them and I hope they have a good day at school. I sent them off with a kiss and hug. My boy who is ten makes sure he tells me he loves before getting on the bus each day as well....Love is very important in the growth of a child. Affection is very importnat in the growth of a child.
I am a domestic violence survivor. I know I did the right thing by leaving my daughters biological father when she was 3 weeks old so that I could keep her safe. Because of it though I have always tried to overcompensate with affection always telling her how much I love her and how wonderful she is. When she got to daycare and realized other kids had daddies I always told her she was so special and wonderful I wanted her to help me "pick" her daddy. My now husband legally adopted her last December.
She is ADHD and has outbursts and some behavioral problems - it is better now that it is controlled with medication. I always think it is cute how when I say "You know what?" after one of her meltdowns or outbursts she rolls her eyes and says "You and daddy are always going to love me no matter how I behave you just like it better when I am nice, You always tell me that. I know you love me Mommy" She has grown into quite the confident little person and I am so proud of her. She just won an art contest, first place for her age group (k-1st grade) at WPAFB Museum.
LMAO I think it has sunk in for my little one!
Hugs to both of you!
Many tears to you and your daughter. More hugs to you both, you are exactly what she needs and I'm so glad you wrote about this. Please keep writing about it as you're right, if ONE person sees this, then it's more than worth it.
Bless you both,
Marilyn
I'm so glad she now has you. I have tears reading about the car window.