Inoticed how since the time little girls are born, society brainwashes them in becoming colorless demoiselles waiting for a knight in shinny armor ridding a white horse to rescue them... It’s unclear to me now what they need rescuing from, but sooner or later, shinny armor or not , chances are it all ends upin broken dishes and a trip to Tijuana for a quickie divorce.
Why? I am not sure but the way I personally look at it, between manic-depressive personalities, infidelity, money or egos needing a separate zip code I believe the communication channel between men and women is generally broken.
Media, I deem, has a huge role in this mess. Men are constantly portrayed on television as walking and talking buffoons and every time a complete sentence is achieved, women should count their lucky stars! Myself, I have a huge problem with this image because the men I know are rational, eloquent beings even if we greatly vary in opinions about, oh, I do not know, everything.
In addition, I do not buy into the theory that men are children and they need to be “trained.” I see a great relationship not when the 'perfect couple' comes together but when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.
Since I married three times by the age of 40, I am not sure my input in this matter means too much, but for the sake of a discussion, let us take a quick look into this conundrum: men and women living happily ever after.
I have just a couple of observations I collected alongside my connubial path.
First of all. Freud’s theory is lost on me. I do not play the mother role and I do not need a daddy. Unless... Oh, never mind!
Alas, with Freud still on my mind, sex is sort of the albatross of a relationship and if approached improper, immoral or dare I say, illegal, it could make or break a relationship...
My husband knows now not to speak to me right away in the morning .It was a problem before. It seems I cannot figure out speech before coffee. I found out this is a very important detail for many people despite its apparent trivial nature.
I am also a solitary person. I go through times when I need to be left alone. I am not mad; I don’t even have an opinion about anything. I just want to wander through my thoughts alone. Most often, this introverted approach makes it easier to feel like an individual and not succumb to an ambiguous identity, or lack thereof. .
Last but not least, it’s a material, consumer society. I have seen many relationships collapse under the scrutiny of a reconciled checkbook... Myself, I was fortunate to follow the wisdom of my father and seek financial independence for myself hence not counting on anybody’s bank account to make things right for me.
In conclusion, a successful relationship has to go beyond vanity, consumerism, lust, money, success, or failure. A good relationship, as I concluded, resides in a fine balance between gut instinct and imperfection...
I see men and women as the two sides of a radical concept. They are perpetually passing into one another as fluid hardens to solid and solid rushes to fluid.
recommend this
email
print
link to this page
Comments: 29
Hugs ands blessings - S.
I am starting to learn this, slowly perhaps, but learning it despite media and experience.
That being said, I say bravo!
I think that sometimes men get a bad wrap. And, they can be highly intelligent.
My grandmother taught me as a young age to respect and love everyone as I would love myself. So disrespect anyone, let alone the opposite sex is a big no no.
I chuckled in empathy with your morning comment. I don't do mornings well. My husband knows this, too. It's a concept my mother never has understood. She has been trying to change me for 57 years. A sane person would have given up 40 years ago.
My husband has moods and I respect them and give him the space he needs. We need to tell our spouses about our needs. None of us can read minds. Forget the phrase "If he loved me, he'd know........" TELL HIM!
Jesus! I wish that I could give you more than a ten for this article. Thank God for you. We need more of you in this life. Then maybe we can squash this God awful subject.
Thanks!
" I see a great relationship not when the 'perfect couple' comes together but when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences."
This is exactly how I define a great relationship.
I think you have more experience than others and are therefore qualified to speak on the subject. People who find the perfect person at their first shot are often either lucky or determined... or don't really know what they did right.
Great article. Communication, and the process of communication, are both important.
That this is often painful does not remove the reason for such a learning curve. We all want a relationship where the love, communication, and trust is there. Some people settle and others look for perfection. The truth or goal is somewhere in the middle. My first marriage ended badly and after years of dating/sleeping around, I met and married a wonderful lady. It has been a eye opening experience, its been the kind of relationship I'd hoped for but never found. So either I'm lucky, persistent, or the law of averages worked out for me!
Great article and some excellent comments! I feel like women are pideon holed too....but so are men. I try to take everyone as they are it is easier. I don't want to tell everyone I love how to act.