by Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!!
Member since:
December 1, 2008

Little Boa

April 21, 2009 09:35 PM EDT (Updated: April 26, 2009 11:51 PM EDT)
views: 65 | rating: 10/10 (10 votes) | comments: 18

Little Boa

So sleek
You do not rustle,
But stand up
To stretch your
Length out
Over the listing edge,
And down,
Slipping
From this brown sack
Where I set you
For a moment’s
Keeping.

 

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Comments: 18

Tracy Fabre Apr 21, 2009, 9:38pm EDT
Oh... is this a very gentle way to say you've lost your boa and we should keep our eyes open?
JOHN BECK Apr 21, 2009, 9:47pm EDT
Nice one, Sarah. My son had a Burmese python which was 7 1/2 feet long when he got Nilo and over 12 feet long when he had to find a new home for him. He was a great pet but my wife would not allow him in the house. Dan spent all his money on a huge terrarium but when Dan was in his apartment, Nilo was usually allowed to roam.
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Apr 21, 2009, 9:55pm EDT
This is actually an entry for Poetry Nation Faceoff, so I'm going to leave my comments out, but for this.
Jennifer Lee Apr 22, 2009, 12:24am EDT
I despise snakes, but I love your poem. Thank you for posting to our group.
JustMe ~I'm happy to be~ Apr 22, 2009, 3:18pm EDT
The boa is probably now a snake in the grass.
CC Miranda the artrat (or am i?) Apr 22, 2009, 3:45pm EDT
i can so see a little boy coming home all sullen faced after discovering his sack was empty.
Doug H. Apr 22, 2009, 8:38pm EDT
Yes, I remember setting my first kittens down on a towel in a laundry basket before driving them home. Did they crawl out? Heck yeah! Let's see, I'll just pop my snake into this paper bag while I run do a chore.
Kathryn E. Apr 22, 2009, 8:40pm EDT
ha, very good.
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Apr 22, 2009, 8:54pm EDT
What I was trying to get across was that a snake can raise such a huge percentage of its body upright that it is able to go straight up and over the top of a paper bag and down to the floor again without tipping the bag over. Pretty amazing to see actually.

(Bag was almost, but not quite, half it's height)

Like this:



only more so...

Clearly I need to work on this as I don't think that image is getting across yes/no?
Lance L. Apr 22, 2009, 9:20pm EDT
Just a suggestion, put "and down" after "Over the listing edge,"

I am guessing your just trying to use a modicum of words to allude to the up and down action, but for me it goes from vertical snake to snake out of the bag at this point.

Having said that, the rest of the imagery was quite clear.
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Apr 22, 2009, 10:12pm EDT
That is better. Don't know if I can solicit advice on this version, but I'll change my original, and thanks.
delicate and graceful poetic flow~ =)
Phyllis R. Apr 23, 2009, 11:01pm EDT
Beautifully written....easy and gentle flow!
Joy McCormick Apr 26, 2009, 9:31pm EDT
great poem.... you can "feel" this one.
Susan B. Apr 26, 2009, 9:59pm EDT
Wonderfully written :)
Angie O. Apr 26, 2009, 10:07pm EDT
Great depth.
Susan Budig Apr 29, 2009, 1:12am EDT
The contest intrigued me. Will you be reading yours on-air?
David C. Apr 30, 2009, 3:39pm EDT
Nicely done, Sarah.

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