Birdbath Baptism by Proxy (cinquain)

The image was very vivid in this cinquain, Atticus, and boosted by the skilled alliteration, starting with the title. A well-done cinquain of sound and motion.

Interesting, Atticus. I'm assuming this birdbath is being looked at by the bird, but I'm a little dense today (blood sugars off), what is the rainfall reference. Sorry, I have to ask when I'm unclear...

Nice submission to Mindful Poetry, Atticus. I like words that are off the beaten path. I wonder about the pronunciation of roiled. I said it with two syllables, like boiled. Could you give it an apostrophe to guarantee it to be one syllable? Like this: roil'd? Just a thought.

I know I'm sort of a stickler about these forms and their rules; I am a Criminal Justice graduate, afterall!

Think of dipthongs as units. Although it derives from "two sounds", it really treats them as a unit which,coincidentally, moves like the poem moves-- it means glide from one vowel to another in a unitary fashion.

This poem actually moves, powered by your alliterative skill. The ellipsis and commas are like isles in the stream. When I read the poem without them, it cascaded to another meaning but not abruptly. Great job!

John Walter said it well.

Thank you John Walter, I appreciate your insightful comments very much.

Ron, I envision this poem from three different perspectives simultaneously; She (observing), Me (watching the watcher), and the bird. - you are most certainly not dense. There are multiple references here, to all and to each. I sought to portray a moment in which these separations disappear. Does that help?

Susan, I knew you would nail me on that! I viewed the word pretty much as Umar describes, and hoped that the flow of the poem would push the pronunciation of the word into the box I chose for it. I suppose a lot depends on what part of the country you are from. ;-) I bow to your superior grammatical expertise. I see no downside to changing it with an apostrophe. Thank you as always. I sincerely appreciate your input. And thanks for putting my poem on your featured list.

Umar, The Big Khabbaaz, Thank you so much for that. You get the feel and intent of the poem exactly as I meant it. Your comments are always most welcome.

John Beck, Thank you very much indeed.

I agree with Umar about the dipthong. I like the word use as well...grace does well with Baptism in the title.
Lovely, Atticus.

Thank you Jan, It is a rare comment of yours that does not rhyme. ;-) - absolutely kidding of course. Your comments are highly valued.

Succinct cinquain.....suggestive as a good haiku. I enjoyed this very much.

Thank you Alison.

Very well done! :-)

Blessings and best wishes - S.

Your work is a refined as it is compressed - expertly done.

Let me point out with vigor that I am not a grammar expert. Truly, I studied Sociology in college coming away with my CJ degree. I married an English major, though. :-)

That said, it really can depend on one's local dialect. As well as religion. Think about it. Do you say Bless-ed be the name of the .... or do you say Bless'd be the name of the ...

I'm a two-syllable girl myself. What I do appreciate in the comments you've received, Atticus, is the careful reading by others. That's a luxury not many here at Gather receive.

Thank you Svetlana.

Nathan, I value both your opinion and praise. Thank you.

Susan, I was teasing a bit of course. I hope you don't mind. I am sincere in my respect for your opinions, criticism, and praise. I feel I have much to learn from you. I can take criticism in whatever form it comes. I got tough in the directly honest, and sometimes vicious and bloody, critiques of art school. I was lucky to have instructors that forced good debate. I have always been a rule breaker. Or at least one who tests the limits of a rule. And even more honestly than that; if I was feeling less bold and more sneaky and lazy; a rule ignorer. Later in life I see the value of what I missed. Now I look for a balance. You are so right and I do feel blessed to have the such fine gather friends to help me grow. I cannot say enough how grateful I am to this community of writers. And I appreciate you Susan. Thank you.

Beautiful.

Thank you so much arleen, I like white space too. All that clutter is very distracting to me. That's just me still thinking about composition.

One of the best cinquains I have ever read.

Wonderful example of the form, Atticus. It is proudly featured in the Cinquain Group.