Hi everyone! Hope everyone is great. I've been pretty lethargic lately, not even really wanting to be on gather much. It's sort of been a tough week, as I got laid off, my cat is missing still, and tomorrow is the second anniversary of Dad dying. Time goes by very quickly, as I am shocked it has been that long.
I'm trying to find ways to jolt myself out of this mood I find myself in, and perhaps talking about it and trying to reconnect with my family and friends might help. Perhaps doing some writing will help. It's a sort of lost, directionless feeling that I know I must put a stop to. I am determined to not be sad tomorrow, but to remember the great conversations I had with my father. I am determined to be happy, which is why I will probably watch a lot of funny movies, to celebrate life with joy instead of grief, though grief is very much part of the human experience. When you lose the person you were closest to, your heart never fully heals from it, but you just adjust and become the person you are. So tonight I am allowing myself to miss the political discussions we used to have, to miss yelling at whatever idiot politician was screwing up on tv (he would have had a field day with Blagojevich!) It's been hard to find anyone that I could discuss politics that openly and intensely with without worrying about the consequences. I knew my Dad loved me. It's sort of funny too, how people in my family think of him as a conservative, and to his very liberal brothers, he was. But I like to think of him as a Republican with Catholic sensabilities. He wasn't very far to the right at all, and is one of the most tolerant and understanding of people I have ever met. (I've known more liberals to express intolerance expressions towards groups, for example.) He had a hard life, but he had a noble character. And in the end, his life reminds me of something from the book of Les Miserables, where Collette realizes that it is better to suffer and have an upright character. I can't recall the exact passage offhand, but I think you get my drift.
I am also finally getting my student loans straightened out so I will be going back to school sometime this year. Yay! I'm thrilled about that, and I want to get back to my original studies, which was history and philosophy so I can go on to law school. I'm nervous and excited about this, but I am determined to not let my fear get in my way this time.