A common thought of lost boys ( senryu )

It is about lost dogs arleen. But love is love. Ellen B. wrote something that touched an old feeling. One we have in common. (I try not to get too trite or maudlin when I write about my love for particular dogs, but it is difficult.)

Poignant, well-captured. May Gus enjoy the sunshine in the Elysian Fields.

Excellent one!...

Blessings and best wishes - S.

arleen, I think that is a major part of the beauty of poetry. Meaning is important, but sometimes overrated, more like it is an integral part, but not the sole destination of poetry.

Thank you Svetlana and Alison.

thanks for sharing

I needed no translation. Buddy hates rain and snow, as well, and Oscar totally would not suffer it, at all.

Thanks Ron. I knew you would understand it right off. One of mine (the other subject of this poem in fact) used to take a step after it had rained then shake out his paw, take another step, shake out that paw, and look up at me each time as if I were asking him to eat tacks. Morning walks after the rain were intolerable. Getting him out in actual rain? Forget it.

Atticus ... I love this. My poor dog will NOT go out in the rain (or alone for that matter), so I have to stand out with her in the rain so she can do what she needs to do. The whole time she just looks at me like, can we go now, Mom??

Delicate/sweet like a sip of wine - just the right vintage.

Hi Atticus, thanks for posting to Mindful Poetry. I find the last line says a great deal. Chilling, no pun intended.

In the second line, I am not fond of so. I wonder how much you've already played around with this, though. Sometimes when I work simple dough too much, it becomes tough. You know?

Atticus, a lovely senryu. For me, this is a fine piece about memory, because all the thoughts of all the dogs I grew up with--and their times in the rain--came flooding back, no pun intended. I realize that in the purest sense, this is not what poetry is supposed to do on a conscious level (or so I keep reading, but I still think they're wrong!) but the beautiful subconscious connection of your words to memory are classic and desirable.
In reference to Susan's comment about the word "so,"I think it adds musical counterpoint to the rhythm. It wouldn't work without it.
I could swear that our old shepherds held a gleam in their eye as they waited to get indoors before shaking off the rain so vigorously, you'd think they had St. Vitus' dance.

Thank you so much mandy and Michelle.

Thank you Nathan, some dogs as poetry are like fine wine. Thank you for the comparison.

Susan, thank you so much for the comment and the thoughtful criticism. They are most appreciated. I do indeed know what you mean about overworking simple lines. But actually, this one has not been worked very much. The first two lines, not at all. For me Haiku and Senryu, due to the constraints, can easily be choppy and a little contrived. One line or other can feel like a fragment. Personally, I have no problem with the phrasing of the second line. Senryu should contain irony, even better if it is nonchalant. What I struggled with was whether to use the word "Cold". It works for me, but I'm not sure if it reads through with all I intended. This word was to be a reference both rain and tears. "Cold" can only reference "tears" in this context without portraying an emotional distance unless it references time. I feel like the first line steers the poem the right way, but it may be too subtle. Thank you for reading the last line as intended. The poem is about death and remembrance.

Andrea, Thank you so much for the colorful images of your dogs. I'm sure you have some great stories. You got that right about the gleam in their eyes. I'm also convinced they choose a place to inflict major inconvenience and attempt to achieve a pattern of maximum spread. Thank you so much for the kind comments about my poem.

You get across a strong aching feeling in the plaintive music of your senryu, Atticus.

You have touched my aching heart so. Someone really does understand. I have been ill, and heartsick as well. It seems there are more things to go through health-wise. But you have made this day for me, and I know Gus is basking in the fact that I will not let him go, and that you have written so lovely about him. I love our bond. I hope to be back soon. Thank Atticus, you have no idea how good this made me feel. Your friend, Ellen.

I have also started Facebook, and a few others. Looking for more writing sites. I have Dr's. this week and I hope for good news. We will see. I spent some time on Facebook to grow some roots there. It is important to me now. I have little capability to go out. God bless you and your talent. Ellen