Prompted by a post I saw on gather I started thinking about women and aging.
My opinion is just that - an opinion - and I don't mean to offend anyone, but rather discuss the subject with you - so let's talk:)
I think sometimes there is a fine line between going "natural" and letting yourself go. I've often wondered what drives some women to still have flawless painted fingernails on their deathbed and others to let themselves go at thirty.
Inner beauty and a good moral compass aside, I simply don't buy into letting yourself go. I believe it is a sin to let go what God gave you and not take care of yourself, your body, your health and not strive to make the best of yourself.
It's easy to say that women are superficial if they have cosmetic surgery for instance. That's nonsense or maybe jealousy, they do it because they have a demanding job and society forces them to keep up appearances which means staying and looking young. I'm sure some do it, because they can and they enjoy it - more power to them. That doesn't mean they don't have inner beauty, they can still be good mothers and brilliant business women.
I know of a truly beautiful woman who at forty looked like the sister to her twenty year old daughter. Well, her husband told her she needed a boob job and have the really minute wrinkles in her face lifted. I would have killed to look as good as that woman already did. Yet her husband, a well known society doctor, wanted her to still look like she was no more than twenty five years old at most.
What a harsh judgement to have to live up to - I'm convinced he traded her in for a younger model at some point. It wasn't she who was vain, in fact she wanted neither the boob job nor the face lift. I know she went in, but I sure hope she left his sorry a** after that and took half of his and more.
A good friend of ours was slowly dying and knew it, yet still she wore perfume and lipstick even when she couldn't leave her bed. She had her nails painted and was ready to jump off death's bed at any time. It wasn't to be, she died with fire engine red fingernails:)
Bemoaning our looks or rather our youth is a waste of time. Some of us have better bone structures and healthier genes than others, but the point I am making here is that we should all do the best we can.
Keeping up appearances to me represents a choice we have made and maybe it's time to have another look at yourself. I don't think there is a thing wrong with looking your best at any given time. It shows we love and accept ourselves, something we all have to learn if we want to grow and move on, love and be loved.
Actresses for instance don't have that luxury of choice, because they do live by their looks and they have to re-invent themselves every so often.
We all get tired, old and wore out looking at some point, but I believe considering yourself important enough to warrant an overhaul is good for us. It improves our attitude and strengthens our fortitude.
Why wouldn't you want to get an updated hairstyle, a new pair of dangling earrings to move as you move, to put back a little swing in your step perhaps a new shade of lipstick? Those all important visits to the dentist, the doctor and if you can afford it to the massage salon? Don't you love how silky your skin feels or how delicious you smell when you apply a good lotion?
Sure it takes an effort to find the right shade of lipstick, pluck your eyebrows and get your hair cut or your cat whiskers removed when you hit fifty. But like the commercial says - we are worth it:)
Just like we feel wonderfully renewed and energized when we emerge from a long shower, taking good care of ourselves is energizing and it raises our spirits.
Sure you won't look twenty again, but why should that matter? That little effort you made in looking your best, is not really meant for others, it is something only we can do for ourselves. Others will still see the fifty year old, but wouldn't you rather be a well put together fifty than an "au natural" slob?
I always have to smile to myself, when I hear a man comment how his wife doesn't use make-up and how she is naturally beautiful. It usually means it's a woman who spends time and money on regular facials, gets her legs and what not waxed, spends at least $150 at the hair dresser every three weeks, has her eyebrows colored, uses good skin care, visits the gym and the dentist on a regular basis and can afford manicures, pedicures and expensive perfumes.
We all need a little help and while we can't all spend tons of money on ourselves we can pay attention, take the time to take care of ourselves and find a good hairdresser and quality face creams and products that we can afford. We can even make our own. If you've ever used a good rosewater on your face you know what I'm talking about.
I am not speaking about the extra twenty pounds we've let creep up, but an attitude adjustment to go and find a pair of glasses that look good on us, a place on line that sells cheap contact lenses or a natural skincare product that holds back the wrinkles a bit longer.
We are not doing our sisters a favor when we say - oh, it's the inner beauty that counts! Sure, inner beauty counts, but that doesn't mean it's OK to let yourself go. Be the best you can be - inside and out!
You can love your laugh lines and still wear SPF 50 and a good face cream, one is not opposing the other - it's called healthy maintenance.
Isn't Mother Nature kind in that our men have failing eyesight too and they don't notice all those wrinkles either, because they remember us as we were. They see with the eyes of love and therein lies the difference.
Lamenting about losing our youth doesn't bring it back, cosmetic surgery, a good dentist, hairstylist etc will to a fair degree. It's all relative and we all have to decide for ourselves, how much, if anything we are willing to do to keep up appearances.
I occasionally catch a glimpse of myself in a store window and don't even recognize myself. My solution is to hold myself to a certain standard, which doesn't include cosmetic surgery mainly because I can't afford it, but admittedly we all need more maintenance as we age to look and feel our best.
When I know I look my best - I smile more and people smile back, it's as simple as that. When we feel good about ourselves, life becomes easier, or maybe we just perceive it that way:)
So tell me what do you think?
P.S. Eating healthy and educating yourself about what is good for you and your body is just part of a healthy lifestyle. We all want and need balance in our lives, but it takes a conscious effort and commitment. That is all part of the equasion, but in this article I am focusing on outer appearance - plain and simple - even though I realize that there is a connection between a healthy lifestyle and how you look and feel. That is part of what Mariana T. is doing in her group called Shedding Light - dedicated to losing weight and shedding light on your inner self.
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Comments: 25
I'm one of those vain women and proud of it. I spend more on make-up and hairdressers than the average bear, and have no regrets. I remake myself as my years increase. Bright, red lipstick now replaces the pale pink of my younger years. I won't go out for the mail unless I've done my hair and make-up.
When I was in nursing school, I had a patient who was 92. She was sitting in her bed, putting on her make-up when I did morning rounds. She stated that she wanted to be ready when the Dr. came and not look like a mess. I remember thinking that I was going to be just like her if I ever hit her age.
And putting on my make-up on my deathbed? Absolutely!
Ina - dear Ina:) - Time doesn't stand still - so why should our hair do's and make up and clothing? I am always thrilled with myself when I have figured out the current fashion and how to make it work for me.
I don't worry about makeup except on special occasions (which doesn't come around very often), I don't dye my hair because I like the color it is now that it's turning almost completely white/gray. I cut my hair when the mood strikes me and right now it's probably longer then it's ever been in my life. I don't paint my nails or wear perfume very often and shy away from antiperspirant because it can clog up my sweat glands.
I do shower on a regular bases, wear deodorant, pluck what hairs need weeded out, use lotion or sun screen and have been known to dye my hair while there was more brunette then gray. I have never had a skin problem on my face and at the age of 50 am hard pressed to find any deep wrinkles on my face.
I don't care one way or the other about who or why a person has cosmetic surgery, it's their want or need ...each to their own.
On my death bed I want to be totally nude wrapped up in warm fuzzy blanket and listening to my favorite music as I look out the window at what nature is displaying for me that day.
Sherrie - you asked "Is this my best? and I can relate when you say - that is a scary thought.
That's really what I'm talking about - it doesn't have to be scary, we are not always up to par, but my point was that when we are it is uplifting to feel good about oneself.
It wasn't meant to be depressing - you do so much, just reading about some of your projects makes my head spin - maybe it's just that it's time to remember to do something good for yourself.
I can't imagine you hating the way you look - just change what you think needs changing and live with the rest. Nobody is perfect, but accepting yourself is part of the work that we all have to do on the inside.
I bet you are just fine and just overly critical about your own good looks:)
Please don't be depressed over my silly article:(
Great Post!
I think that we have more self-respect when we look our best. I am against boob jobs and plastic surgery but a woman can look good if she takes care of her skin and hair. I also think she should wear modest clothes. To me that is a sign of a woman who knows who she is and what she is all about.
Being the best we can means that we attract more new people and give ourselves a lift, psychologically. Yet, when we get to the essence of the matter, what do we value more? Nice clothes or a kind heart? Great figure or great compassion?
It's good to look and feel the best we can, but at the end of the day, no amount of external beauty can replace what lies within. Just my two (contrarian) cents.
Christine - I hear you but it's not about a kind heart versus nice clothes. It's about having both. So are you saying let yourself go, because after all you are a person of great compassion?
In other words, if you are a nice person and a good mother then you don't need to look good, treat yourself to the spa or have a killer figure? You can just rest on the fact that you are a nice person who simply doesn't care what she looks like?
My point was twofold - one does not exclude the other, because looking good on the outside does impact how we feel on the inside. So in effect it helps us - it strengthens us and by putting on sunscreen and seeing the dentist we prevent skin cancer and possible infection and immune system problems.
I believe it is all interconnected and this continued harping on that the outside doesn't matter is psychologically speaking all wrong and we feel it.
I don't believe it is an either or situation. Love, friendship, family all these things are ueber important in our lives and to our well being.
I'm just expressing that sometimes there is a fine line between claiming the natural look when in reality you are letting yourself go and you know it. You know you'd feel better if you looked your best,
It's like cheating yourself out of the best self you could be.
We do want to take care of ourselves - but there is no need to go over-board!
When I was 20 or so, I decided when I turned 50, I was going to eat all the icecream I wanted, and stop working out...I was PLANNING on letting myself go. Now that I'm almost 45, I've redefined what I consider beauty, and you know what? i may dye my hair pink when I turn 50 -
I think as long as we pay attention to what we consider good lucks - and pay attention, in all honesty, what others consider look good on us/for us - that is the important thing. What does Queen Latifa say in her commercial? "A size healthy" - and letting oneself go, is not a good thing - but we do have to consider our ages, our lifestyle, our financial situation, and do what is best ourself, on that particular day - and one of my mantras each morning is "look good, feel good, do good" ~ not so simple, but it is a mantra that is attainable - on a daily basis ~ great posting dear Rose - you have inspired me to take an extra three minutes to put on the right color lipstick for the day, regardless of if I wear jeans and a sweatshirt - or a dress -- big big smile here ~j
glitter-graphics.com
I also think that ANYONE who puts themselves under the surgical knife when it's not absolutely a life-saving necessity -- risking DYING simply from being put under anaesthesia (as many, many people DO) -- just to get themselves a facelift or a boob job (which will have to be re-done in a few years and, in many cases, makes their face look like a MASK) -- is NUTS!
Until women are subject to the same "youthful appearance" physical standards as MEN, this godawful "thing" our society seems to have about pursuing youth in favor of other human traits that are a heckuva lot more valuable (like depth of character, knowledge, morality, caring for others, etc.) will continue to occupy WAY more of an important place in our lives than it should.
There's a difference between being "grody" (dirty, unkempt, uncombed) and accepting the fact that, as your age advances, there will be little you can do to slow or stop the march of time...
Your midsection WILL enlarge. Your face WILL have wrinkles. You WILL have to give UP wearing bikinis, bare midriff and halter tops and high-heeled shoes. Hopefully, though, by that time, you will have established that you are person of quality INSIDE and people will still love you for that... And, if they don't, either you failed to learn much in this earthly incarnation OR they are shallow, shallow people who, hopefully, will learn better as they age.
Not saying you are, but I know many women, (not so much men) that think it is wrong to stop doing those little extra things to make yourself feel better and have better self esteem. I do miss them, and sometimes I do have low self esteem because I wouldn't have been caught dead 15 years ago without all those things, but I really have no control over it now.
As far as any type of cosmetic surgery or injections, after having enough operations and medical procedures that were necessary to my life, I would never willingly put myself through any of this just so someone else can think I look good.
The one thing I now know that I didn't in the past, people who like me now, like me for myself, the person I am, not the person I look like.
But - that wasn't what I was talking about.
My point is simply that we should make an effort and I don't know why we have to say - oh, don't worry about anything - it's ok, we love you no matter what. Well, I want to say, I love you, but it sure would be nice if you took better care of yourself - you might even live longer if you put on some skin cream with a SPF factor - that's what I meant. Everyone's situation is different but I wonder sometimes, when I see someone who simply doesn't even take care of themselves.
We all get older and no - we can't get back what we had at twenty, but we can enhance what we have, stay up with the times, see the dentist etc.
Nana - yup and yup to what you said. I am no longer so quick to pass judgement. For one thing - it can be that someone is ill, mentally or just not up to par and they simply can't get it together. We all have times when the budget is tight and we do less then we'd like, but I was taling about women who do nothing.
... and who's to say that doing nothing is wrong? I simply feel that we do feel better about ourselves when we look our best, that's all.
And you say "going to the dentist" as though it's merely a matter of making the appointment and nothing could be further from the truth that most of us face! I cannot afford to go to a dentist and haven't been able to for the last 10 years! The only way I was able to afford it then was because my mother was holding some savings bonds for me which I was able to cash in so that I could afford dentures. That money, sadly, is now gone though and, while my husband's 100% disability from the VA allows me to seek free medical care (thank GAWD), there is no program whatsoever than I can prevail upon for dental care. This is a fact of life for untold millions of people of which I am only one.
I think that it's wonderful that you can afford to live in a reasonably comfortable home, get dental care and have your hair done... You deserve no less because you are a wonderful person. I simply wish that you could muster just a teensy bit more empathy with those of us who are in somewhat more dire financial straights. (And our legions are growing each day... unfortunately...)
I am to a fair degree in the same situation, I have no dental and my son has no insurance at the moment.
There were some strong opinions on this subject and not everyone read my post the way I intended, so when I'm reading the discussion responses here, it's clear that everyone has a different situation which governs their decisions.
Add to that a strong opinion about this subject in general and I daresay it was a lively discussion with many valid points made.
So I hope we are still friends - it was a point of discussion and I certainly see not just your viewpoint, but I agree with nana's statement for instance, because I can relate from personal experience.