I've heard before that eating disorders run in families. I'm not sure why exactly that is, but I have a half sister who has suffered with anorexia and bulimia all her life. I guess that makes me more susceptible to it.
I've got a secret. Lean in close now. I believe I already suffer from disorered eating. It came on all of a sudden, too. In the past year or so I've lost a total of about 40 pounds. Just simply by drinking more water, being a little more careful about what I eat, and exercising. That's it. It was no magic formula or diet.
Unfortunately, ever since I've gotten skinny, I struggle with food. This is the lowest weight I've ever been, but it doesn't hold any joy for me.
I'm obsessed with the number on the scale. I've had to ask my husband to ask me to make sure I'm not weighing myself every day. I'm trying to maintain, but I secretly love it when the number goes down and am terrified if I see it go up.
I've been obsessed with calories. I was counting calories there for a while. Every bite that went into my mouth I knew what it was. I had to ask my husband to make sure I didn't do this any more either. Unfortunately, I still have a running tally in my head.
I'm obsessed with food. I think about it often. While I'm eating my meal, I think about what my next meal is going to be. When I go to bed at night, I know what my breakfast is going to be.
There are times when I just want to eat everything in sight. Sometimes I give in and eat more than I should, especially during the afternoon times. When I do that, I usually try and exercise more to make up for it.
The sad thing is, I think I was happier when I was overweight. I ate all the wrong foods, and I certainly didn't fit into the clothes that I do now, but I had a healthy relationship with food. It didn't occupy my every thought.
I'm trying to take steps to help myself, but I can't seem to stop it occupying a heavy place in my thoughts. My husband knows some of what I'm struggling with, but I don't think he realizes how bad it is. I certainly am not underweight for my size or starving myself, but I am struggling.
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Comments: 47
I also worry about what I eat...I am horrible about this... I do it because I do not want to gain weight. For the first time in my life I enjoy clothes shopping.
I worry about body image and excersize a lot, it started out just as me needing to lose the baby weight and then turned into a great way to release stress, but now I weigh myself before and after my workouts.
I have always felt pressure from my mom to be thin, she has never said anything about my weight but she has always watched her own weight and she is very thin. But I wonder if it is genetics or is it nurture, because my cousin, (my moms sisters daughter) does not care about weight at all and we are all from the same family tree, the only difference is she was raise by her dad & stepmom with little contact with her mother for most of her childhood.
I was diagnosed with it at 26, which was the worst year for me. My weight had dropped to 67 lbs. and I was hospitalized repetitavely. My family and friends finally had enough of watching me succumb to ailments associated with malnutrition and found an eating disorder clinic in the East to which they personally delivered me. It took six months of struggling against my own self to regain 30 pounds and regain some sense of balance.
You don't ever want to go down that extreme road. But I understand.
I understand the abnormal thrill of watching the numbers on the scale decline, the mental high one gets from starvation, the striving for perfection that is not perfection but steps closer to dying.
Like yourself, I struggle with food obsession, weight obsession, self perception each and every day. And I fall now and then, but the intellectual side of me kicks in, and I go to my physician who is ultrasensisitive to my condition, and we get me back on the road to balance quickly.
For 17 years now I've never permitted myself to go under 94lbs., for me that is the self conditioned red flag. I know that to go under that weight is death. It's self behavioural modification. But it never goes away, ever.
Your awareness is the first step toward clarity.
hugs
and weigh less than 135 lbs.
Isn't it crazy sometimes how we can be totally different in some respects with the people in our family, Vivian? I have an incredibly athletic brother who runs 5 miles every day, lifts weights, etc., etc., and I can barely summon the energy to get up and go to the gym. I'm not overweight, I don't think, but I'm definitely not in the same shape he is. It's interesting to compare eating and exercising habits among family members. I actually just posted an article on the psychology of eating, and I think you could really add a lot to the discussion. Here's a link, and if you'd like and you have time, please comment. Pass it along to anyone else you know who might be interested, too, please. Thanks so much!
Elaine does have a good idea. Having a passion to feed will help you to stop focusing on what you feed yourself.
But I take great issue with Minipin. It simply is not true that weight issues automatically indicate a person's poor relationship with food. Genetics along with environmental elements such as toxins and also societal pressures all play into the individual's body shape.
I would suggest talking to a counseler to guide you along, it is best to get help now before you end up hurting yourself. YOu took the the first step with recognizing the problem, now it is just time to get someone else to help guide you to the correct path.
Hope everything will be alright, and my thoughts are with you.
I have a friend who diets and exercises and she is now down to skin and bones. She thinks she is prettier that way. I wish she would talk to someone as well.
1.The neurotransmitters serotonin and norepinephrin have been discovered to be decreased in acutely ill anorexia and bulimia patients as well as long term recovered anorexia patients.
2.People with anorexia seem to have higher than normal levels of cortisol, a brain hormone released in response to stress.
In other words it is not so simple and dry cut as to attribute the entire complexity of eating disorders to societal and behavioral causes.
You've recognized the illness. Talk to your physician honestly about everything you're experiencing.
Always, always take care of yourself and be well =)
The way I know she's in trouble is how she feels to me. It's like her muscles are gone. Her flesh is soft, indescribably so. And she's close.
How scary to witness this in someone you love, Chuck. It's great you were able to get her some counselling--I'm sure it helped a lot. I hope she's doing okay. I just posted an article on the psychology of eating, and your perspective as someone helping someone else overcome eating problems I'm sure would add a lot to the discussion. Here's a link, so if you have time and would like to comment, please do. Thanks!
My point? Get some outside help, NOW. I have no doubt that a combination of genetics and nurturing causes these disorders. You have a predisposition, so you are going to need help to change your behaviours
Wow, Elizabeth. It's great that you recognized your problem and fixed it, and I'm sure Sarah will draw strength from your example. I just posted an article on eating habits--why we eat, why we don't eat--and I'm sure you're voice would add a lot to the discussion. Here's a link, if you get a chance and you'd like to, please comment. Thanks!
I will go there now. Thanks.
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I wish you luck!
Is it possible to find a hobby that you can become addicted to, to replace this addiction? Like sewing, crafting, building something...If you find something you really love (or just can't stop doing) that is healthier you will be able to give up your fixation on food. At least that is what Dr. Phil says!
I just make sure to eat three meals a day.
The other thing you do is just make sure that you store healthy food in your home so you won't be tempted.
When you go out make sure that your friends and family know that you're serious about maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
Don't call it weight.
I think that's what is bothering you.
Call it a change of scenery and being healthy. Not thin..
That word causes you to obsess.
Change your thinking patterns.
Do it today.
Best of luck to you.
Hugs to you.
I hope you had a terrific Easter weekend, as well.
Christian Glitter by www.christianglitter.com
That sounds like no fun at all, Sarah. I'm so sorry. My mind often works in a similar way, particularly with certain OCD thoughts and obsessions. I just posted an article on the psychology of eating, of why we eat, or why we don't eat. If you'd care to comment and you have time, I'm sure you would add a lot to the conversation. Here's a link to the discussion. Thanks!