by Beth G.
Member since:
May 24, 2007

Sun-kissed soul

April 05, 2009 03:25 PM EDT (Updated: April 13, 2009 07:40 PM EDT)
views: 156 | comments: 88

She was the type of girl who wanted it all

The perfect guy, the security of home

Instead what she got was the reality of life

Poverty stricken, wasn't wanted to be a wife

 

So she took the days as they came

With a shy, crooked smile even through the rain

Kept going about doing her duty the best she could

Time passing by slow and fast as it would

 

While working she dreamt of that perfect life

Her reality only showing nothing but strife

She envied the ladies on the streets walking by

Who had sun-kissed souls while she slowly died

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Comments: 88

Rebecca [Future Teacher] Apr 5, 2009, 3:30pm EDT
Very nicely done, sometimes we don't get the dream..
Trish A. Apr 5, 2009, 3:44pm EDT
"Who had sun-kissed souls while she slowly died"

A powerful ending to your poem.
Erinn K. Apr 5, 2009, 3:51pm EDT
Nice Poem =)
Nora C. Apr 5, 2009, 4:19pm EDT
Wow. Good poem.
Jennifer Lee Apr 5, 2009, 4:20pm EDT
Poignant poem, Beth. Well done, my friend. Hope it's not autobiographical, dear.
Claudia B. Apr 5, 2009, 5:15pm EDT
It's reminiscent of women that you see if you are wise enough to open your eyes to see that most of us don't live a charmed life. We all have our burdens to bear..materially, emotionally, or spiritually.

Well done, Beth.
eric m. Apr 5, 2009, 6:46pm EDT
very nice
phil w. Apr 5, 2009, 6:53pm EDT
Well written, Beth.
fancy c. Apr 5, 2009, 7:28pm EDT
nice
Kimberly Ripley Apr 5, 2009, 7:45pm EDT
This paints an image of despair. So sad!
Beth G. Apr 5, 2009, 8:37pm EDT
Thank you for all of your lovely comments and feedback, Kimberly, Fancy, Phil, Eric, Claudia, Jennifer, Nora, Erinn, Trish, MC and Rebecca, I appreciate it!
kimberly g. Apr 5, 2009, 9:47pm EDT
a poem of great sadness hidden in the soul. I believe there are a lot more than just her out there. good one Beth.
Heather ~of the Whippets~ M. Apr 5, 2009, 10:29pm EDT
It paints a powerful and true image.
Christine K. Apr 6, 2009, 10:14am EDT
Powerful!
Beth G. Apr 6, 2009, 9:16pm EDT
Thank you for your kind words and feedback Christine, Madame, Heather, and Kimberly, I appreciate it!
Beverly P. Apr 6, 2009, 11:29pm EDT
Wow... definitely makes one wonder and think! Sometimes our "dreams" don't come true! Very nice.

Just commenting you back, thanking you for a comment you made on one of my articles or pics! I always pay back the comments!
Bryan B. Apr 7, 2009, 2:16am EDT
I love it! That closing line is great!
Renee S. Apr 7, 2009, 2:08pm EDT
very nicely written.
Beth G. Apr 7, 2009, 8:07pm EDT
Thank you Beverly, Bryan, and Renee for your great comments and feedback, I appreciate it!
JoAnn C. Apr 7, 2009, 10:21pm EDT
nicely done
lynn a. Apr 8, 2009, 12:53am EDT
This is so painful! Powerful, too, you really get the feelings to feel so real.
Rhonda M. Apr 8, 2009, 8:03am EDT
Very nice...
Beth G. Apr 8, 2009, 8:37pm EDT
Thank you for your lovely comments JoAnn, Lynn and Rhonda, I appreciate it!
Linda M. Apr 9, 2009, 9:45pm EDT
I remember feeling that way at times in the past. Very good job of capturing the feelings in words.
Darin Waugh Apr 10, 2009, 4:21am EDT
Very nice!
Beth G. Apr 10, 2009, 8:08pm EDT
Thanks for commenting Linda and Darin, I appreciate it!
Lisa J Apr 13, 2009, 7:18pm EDT
First - WOW... this is very powerful... just a GREAT poem -

No one pointed out that you typed "She took the days as the came." - it's so easy to miss those kinds of typos, especially since a lot of spell check programs don't even NOTICE them!

I wanted to point it ou, though, so you could correct it on your archive copy in case you missed it. :)
Lisa J Apr 13, 2009, 7:19pm EDT
lol... and we all typo - I missed that one "t" there...

It's a good thing I know typonese!
Beth G. Apr 13, 2009, 7:39pm EDT
I'm glad you pointed it out to me, ill fix it right away! and im glad you liked this Lisa!
Terry M. Apr 14, 2009, 9:22pm EDT
A well written poem which has a touching story. Thanks!
Sheila Deeth Apr 16, 2009, 8:00pm EDT
Beautiful, and what a deep sad ending.
Beth G. Apr 17, 2009, 7:49pm EDT
Thank you for saying so Terry and Sheila, I greatly appreciate your feedback!
RJ H. Apr 18, 2009, 6:06pm EDT
Wow!! This really moved me.....
Beth G. Apr 18, 2009, 8:55pm EDT
I'm glad you really liked it Rj! Thank you for saying so!
penni d. Apr 22, 2009, 10:24pm EDT
the closing line made it, beth, and at least she got to dream.... :)
how terribly sad~your beautifully written poem shows us a woman who walks mostly unseen between those sunrays who received all they'd planned and wished for~
Beth G. Apr 23, 2009, 12:38pm EDT
Thank you Selene and Penni for your lovely comments, I really appreciate it!
Wonderfully, though sadly written. A women who walks in shadows, but fails to see that those who are charmed, are usually just better at faking it, as behind every person's perfect smile, there is also the flip-side - the things that they don't want to show. I usually look first into a person's eyes, and half the time have no idea what the rest of them looks like, the mirrors, you know. You nailed this one beautifully!
I read and write fluent typo, didn't notice that at all.

Marilyn
Beth G. Apr 24, 2009, 12:34pm EDT
lol Marilyn, I corrected my previous typo! And I appreciate your lovely feedback, it means a lot to me!
Kelly Kay Apr 25, 2009, 2:53pm EDT
Women like these will be rewarded in the end for the hardship they've endured and the simplistic lives led. Very well written.
Beth G. Apr 25, 2009, 2:54pm EDT
Thank you for saying so Kelly, I appreciate your kind feedback!
costas chrysanthou Apr 26, 2009, 9:58am EDT
Very good work
Beth G. Apr 26, 2009, 10:32am EDT
Thank you for saying so Costas, I appreciate that!
Ann Weaver Hart Apr 28, 2009, 11:08am EDT
A well drawn picture of poor-me syndrome.
Beth G. Apr 28, 2009, 3:26pm EDT
Thank you for your feedback Ann, I appreciate it.
Kimber L. Apr 30, 2009, 12:11pm EDT
This one was really good
*LORA* M. Apr 30, 2009, 9:04pm EDT
a well done job
Beth G. Apr 30, 2009, 9:09pm EDT
Thank you for your kind feedback Kimber and Lora, I appreciate it!
Syed The Shah May 1, 2009, 12:27pm EDT
Pretty good wording, you are writing superb...
Mariana T. May 1, 2009, 1:46pm EDT
Beth, this was beautiful and tells a whole story in such a lovely way - I could almost feel this woman's despair - very well-done. Thank you. Salud
Mariana T. May 1, 2009, 1:46pm EDT
Thank you for your recent comment on my May Babies post. Salud
Beth G. May 1, 2009, 3:14pm EDT
Thank you Mariana and Syed for your very kind feedback I appreciate it!
The Red Headed Witch of Gather G. May 1, 2009, 3:52pm EDT
so sad
Beth G. May 2, 2009, 11:59am EDT
Thank you for your feedback Red, I appreciate it!
Deloris Wright May 2, 2009, 2:02pm EDT
This is a very good poem. We don't all get to live the perfect life.
Alison H. May 2, 2009, 8:27pm EDT
Good poem!

(Though I can't resist adding: "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle"--sorry!)
Beth G. May 2, 2009, 8:30pm EDT
LOL Alison, that's a great quote! Thank you for commenting on this Deloris and Alison, I appreciate it!
Praj S. May 3, 2009, 11:03pm EDT
great poem
Jodie B. May 4, 2009, 12:21am EDT
Heartbreaking poem. I hope she finds her dream. Or finds happiness with the life she has.

This comment is to let you know that this content has reached at least ten comments, and as such has been removed from Comment Speedway! Congratulations!
Svetlana Goryacheva May 4, 2009, 12:58am EDT
That's what happens if a woman relies too much on men and their opinions instead of developing her inner self - her light is slowly fading away - a great poem! :-)

Blessings and best wishes - S.
Beth G. May 4, 2009, 8:07am EDT
Thank you so much for your lovely feedback Praj, Jodie and Svetlana, I appreciate it!
Melissa R May 5, 2009, 9:41pm EDT
thanks for the good luck wish!!
Beth G. May 5, 2009, 10:02pm EDT
You are welcome Melissa, thanks for commenting on this!
Rodney R. May 6, 2009, 5:31am EDT
I have just recently started writing poetry again myself ,as I was in a dire NEED to express some new feelings I am faced with. I can feel an almost desperation in your writing I only hope yours is from creativity, and not from a desperate soul.
Beth G. May 7, 2009, 7:23pm EDT
I think it's partly a little bit of both, and partly from hearing about people who lead lives of quiet desparation. It's a commentary on the people who are generally ignored in society. Thank you for your feedback on this Rodney, I do appreciate it!
Abby N. May 8, 2009, 11:45am EDT
very nicely written
Beth G. May 8, 2009, 12:17pm EDT
Thanks for saying so Abby, I appreciate it!
Terry Collett May 8, 2009, 3:29pm EDT
Moving poem,Beth.
Beth G. May 8, 2009, 4:35pm EDT
Thank you for saying so Terry, I appreciate it!
Lee P. May 8, 2009, 9:27pm EDT
Oh man, this is sad .... now do a happy one where the fairy godmother comes and turns her into Cinderella and she lives happily ever after .... oh wait, I think that ones been done.
Beth G. May 8, 2009, 10:34pm EDT
lol Lee, yes it has. Which is why people long for the fairy tale and not the reality. Thank you for commenting on this, I appreciate it!
Danielle P. May 9, 2009, 7:12am EDT
Beautifully written. Very well done. I feel the despair and the loss of hope.
Beth G. May 9, 2009, 1:56pm EDT
Thank you for your kind feedback Danielle, I appreciate it!
juley g. May 9, 2009, 9:05pm EDT
This is a wonderfully written piece. You did a great job!
Beth G. May 9, 2009, 9:23pm EDT
Thank you for saying so Juley, I appreciate it!
Kamran Qureshi May 12, 2009, 11:02pm EDT
Beautiful poem with a powerful ending!
Beth G. May 12, 2009, 11:05pm EDT
Thank you for saying so Kamran, I appreciate your kind feedback!
Sheila Deeth May 19, 2009, 8:30pm EDT
Beautiful words, and an ending that lingers on the mind.
Beth G. May 19, 2009, 10:45pm EDT
Thank you Sheila, I appreciate your kind words!
dee b. Jun 27, 2009, 8:45pm EDT

Your poetry is so well versed. The last line packs a punch. When one can visualize a poets words, and feel what you have written, you know you have done well.
Beth G. Jun 29, 2009, 12:20pm EDT

Thank you Dee, I am so glad you really liked this!
elizabeth e. Jul 28, 2009, 7:32pm EDT
This is just so sad....she could have changed her reality if she had just realized it's faulty to "dream" a perfect guy...a comfortable home...will complete you. So many girls grow up believing this...
Beth G. Jul 31, 2009, 10:44pm EDT
I know! You are so right about this, too many girls do this too. Thank you for your feedback Elizabeth, I appreciate it!
Gwen K Aug 11, 2009, 11:17am EDT
wow, this sounds like a page from my life! 10
Beth G. Aug 11, 2009, 6:26pm EDT
oh thank you Gwen for giving this poem a 10! This is something I really understand as well.
Paula L. Oct 3, 2009, 1:13am EDT
Great! Sun-kissed! A parody--cleverly written.
Beth G. Oct 4, 2009, 12:20pm EDT
Thank you Paula, I really appreciate your saying so!

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