Home alone with the kids!!

Just thought I'd share this.

My wife went to B.C.T (basic combat training) awhile back and while she was gone I was home alone with the kids. I was much better prepared for it this time however, about two years ago I was hurt at work pretty bad torn MCL and could not go to work for about five months, collecting Workers Comp was nice but not enough to pay all the bills so my wife went back to work. Ever since our first child was born my wife stayed home and took care of the kids while I went to work, it was better then leaving our children with strangers and I make pretty good money so there was really no need for her to work.

Any way there I was home, never having spent an entire day doing everything for the kids all by my self. I've seen adventures in baby sitting, I've heard my wife tell me about all the crazy things that go on during the day while I'm at work, I should have listened better!! My youngest daughter Alyssa was potty training my wife had our other two potty trained before their first birthday. Alyssa was taking a bit longer so now I would have to be the potty trainer. I didn't see much of the other training that went on with the other two kids and I was scared I was doing something wrong cause Alyssa no matter what I did she always wound up naked. I would dress her in the morning and an hour later she would be naked. I later would find out she was doing this cause it was easier for her to get to the bathroom before she went on herself if she didn't have to take off a lot of clothes. To make a long story short one day I was home with her and kept smelling an very foul odor every time I went into the kitchen. I searched the entire house vacuumed every carpet, mopped every floor and sprayed air freshener all around, the smell lingered.

When my other two returned from school they were sitting at the kitchen table doing their home work, complaining of a very strong odor. In my oldest daughters words "Dad it smells like poop in the kitchen" The two of them kept blaming the other for farting it was starting a fight so I had them help me look for the source of the smell. We could not find it at all. Dinner time came and as always my older two would help me since I am the type of guy who could burn water, Brittney my oldest daughter always helped my wife so she knew more about what to do then I did. My kids love that Hamburger Helper and that was great for me since that was so easy to make. About twenty minutes later my wife called and said she was running late so me and the kids sat down to eat. Yep in the kitchen, the foul smell seemed to have gone but it was only masked by the smell of the food cooking. As we ate the smell returned, none of us could eat not even the baby! I could not take it any more and I knew if the smell was still there when my wife came home she would not think it was as funny as I have to find it. I'm a guy a smell that can not be explained, that is funny to me sounds like something I would want to take to work! Another half hour goes by and still nothing I had given up when I sat back down at the kitchen table to try and pin point the location, my baby Alyssa came in and wanted something she talked kind of like Lassie but with grunts in place of barking. I tried to tell her to stop I had to find that smell before mommy got home but she kept right on grunting and pulling and pointing. Yep you guessed it she found the smell, If she could only talk more maybe I would have known the smell was right under my nose all along.

It appears that earlier that day she did not make it to the bathroom, instead she stopped at the kitchen and squatted under the table. After our first child we discovered that a glass table was so much easier to clean when the kids spilt any thing or decided they were going to draw on it so we bought one.

Moral of the story, never leave a color blind man to watch the kids who is too lazy to move the kitchen chairs out to mop, and can not see a huge pile of poop on the tile that is of the same color. Why do I bring this up now well yesterday my best friend and his wife came over with their newest child a young boy who will no doubt become a sharp shooter when he grows up. He had us all in the same situation except I found it much sooner this time. As soon as I put my shoes on, yes that's right he managed to take a poop inside of my shoe!!! Maybe I should buy glass shoes but then again the glass table didn't help all that much either..