Last week, Diane and I vacationed at her daughter’s house at Stinson beach, a beautiful, three-bedroom home, overlooking a waterway, overlooking Bolinas Lagoon, and underlooking the Marin Headlands. Situated in the gated community of Seadrift, the house comes with a hot tub, a canoe, a kayak and a pelican.
We’re not leaving.
Normally, I dislike gated communities where the vocal minority’s taste reigns, and you need a quorum and a two-thirds vote to plug in a new appliance.
But Seadrift isn’t like that because of the weather. In most gated communities inspectors watch over every step of home construction to avoid violating community standards, which can be found in the “Seadrift Association Rules and Enforcement Provisions” manual, a handy three-ring binder, which the inspector keeps with him at all times by using a lift truck.
Here are some examples of Seadrift restrictions, only one of which I made up.
1) You can only maintain “a reasonable number of recognized house pets.” I think there should be a weight limit on this restriction. A four-year old would recognize a Tyrannosaurus Rex. That doesn't mean it's OK for the neighbors to have one.
2) No Owner “may plant or remove any living tree having a height of six inches or more." It’s unclear whether a dead tree is allowed which creates a loophole here you could drive a giant artificial Christmas tree through.
3) No Owner may bad mouth any living Seadrift employee using more than six words, and all must be words printable in a family newspaper.
Seadrift’s building rules aren’t as onerously enforced as those in other gated communities because: a) Most houses are 93% large Anderson glass windows and sliding doors to enjoy the splendid water vistas, the hillside views and the occasional pelican knocking himself out trying to fly through your living room
b) Inspectors only check construction during foggy periods because, like all other Stinson residents, they are at the beach the twelve days a year the sun is out. You can hide a lot of infractions in the fog. Think about “the fog of war.”
After a week in the Stinson house, we returned home to gather personal belongings, leaving behind the following note:
“Dear Erin and Kenny,
Thank you so much for letting us stay at your lovely house. We had a great time; so much so, we’re not leaving.
We are invoking the little used, and mostly forgotten, California Homesteader’s Squatting Act of 1813, which states that “anyone who has been to the bathroom in the same structure for more than seven days in a row shall be granted homesteading rights to that structure in perpetuity, or as long as they are still using said facilities, whichever comes last.”
Sorry to spring this on you, but you know the old saying, “real estate is thicker than blood.” You didn’t? Well, you do now.
The Act of 1813 was modeled off an old Miwok Indian custom that, “the gods intend anyone who squats in the same place for more than a week should stay there.” And, thus, from the wise Miwok came both the name and the essence of the Act of 1813.
Most are unaware that the Act was never rescinded once the California land boom began. In 1868, a representative from Merced tried to tack on a sunset clause, but there was little interest. Everyone squatted in outhouses at that time, and the risk of anyone wanting to claim an outhouse and live there forever seemed remote.
Anyway, we are here now, and have sent our papers to Sacramento to be filed as required under the Act.
We’re not insensitive or callous; you can visit anytime you want. But, on the advice of our lawyer, you just can’t stay more than five days at a time — so we don’t run the risk of being oversquatted.
With love and thanks …
P.S. If you wouldn’t mind, it would be so much easier for us if you’d put all the bills associated with the house on a direct pay basis. That will save us almost $1.53 in postage every month to remail them to you. After all, soon we’ll be on a fixed income and have to watch every penny — though having no more mortgage or rent payments will certainly go a long way to achieving financial independence.
For those of you who have children who are better off than you were at their age, take note: California legislators all have beautiful second homes … and smart children. They will surely move with all due haste to plug this loophole. Best guess: you have five years.
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LOL!
I want a house that comes with a Pelican too.
Thanks, Kelly.
They certainly add charm to a place — and more than that to the deck.
Pelicans are certainly more entertaining than a deck too!
Come winter, I'll be headed your way with a mini-caravan of squatters.
Ohhh maaan, I messed up driving away from that rental house last weekend down on Mobile Bay. I bet we could have taken on the next set of renters and rousted them before they even got their bags out the car. Sure, California law might not apply in Alabama, but that's just a DETAIL, man, and one I'm willing to overlook.
LOL I love it thanks for sharing
ensconsed in a heavenly place!
I'll bet they didn't believe one word.
All my children are better off now than I was at their age. I raised them well and I always remind them when it's getting close to my birthday and Mothers Day and Valentines Day and Christmas, and any other Holiday where one can receive a present. LOL
What a lovely place and a fascinating law! I'm going to forward this information to my friends whose children live in San Diego. They'll be retiring soon and would love to move from Michigan's snowbound UP to sunny California.
John, I suspect if this law isn't buttoned up soon, retirees across the nation will be shouting "Go west, Old man!" (and woman, of course) Maybe I should stake out a claim, too....
We Kalifornians will probably get a lot of new laws like this. No budget, but lots of rules.
Just as I thought I would get a vacation spot in San Diego .... whoosh .... my son-in-law got assigned to Japan. They are having lots of fun visiting new places and I am here in eco-friendly northern California waiting for a break in the heat.
Beach areas are great to visit, but the fog does get overwhelming. Might as well live in Oregon.
John, Would your CA law work in reverse? My Father lives out there in San Mateo with his wife. Do you think I could sneak out there from OH and squat while they're away? (:OD This is a Funny article, John. It makes me think, too. Hmmm...
From most of the news I hear coming out of Crazyfornia is that the feds are invoking Squatters ID (imminent domain) which greatly superceeds basic Squattering. I think it has something to do with fine linquistics of 'taking a squat' or 'leaving a squat'. They've already taken the parks, how much longer before thay have Diane's daughter's (err I mean your) house. Too much legal pondering...
The disturbance this post is personally creating for me, is now I have to go back to bed, not with visions of sugar plum but with the image of you 'over-squatting' and the seapage of pelican brains dripping down the picture window.
somewhere off the coast of ireland....
http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.action?articleId=281474977730017
Blimey,
- Robert B.
very nice post, I want to cop a squat at a home like that.... very nice indeed I don't think PA has a law like that but then again why would they its not California. LOL
Good Stuff : )
have a great week!!!
Vic
One man's "reasonable number" is another man's excess.
uh oh...As we rent out by the week beautiful homes on the lake in Alabama with swimming pools, hot tubs and canoes we could be in trouble if the vacationers thought of looking for such a loop hole..LOL
Well said, John. It's one of those statements that doesn't even have to mean anything it sounds so good. :)
Jenn, I think you're safe. Most vacationers are so PO'd they're going home, they forget to wear their thinking caps.
"Sounds like a home I could never leave"
James, there's something about water ...
" I'll be headed your way with a mini-caravan of squatters."
Greg, you need to have someone willing to let you stay for a week. Won't be me.
"California law might not apply in Alabama, but that's just a DETAIL, man, and one I'm willing to overlook."
Tracy, in this case we are dealing with California Humor Law — often practiced, rarely enforced :)
You're welcome, Steph.
"ensconsed in a heavenly place!"
It is, Georgiana, though a little too foggy year round for my taste.
"I'll bet they didn't believe one word."
They didn't, Lee. But, it was worth a try.
"Maybe I should stake out a claim, too...."
It is only Humor Law, Jan, but it never hurts to try it.
"Beach areas are great to visit, but the fog does get overwhelming. Might as well live in Oregon."
I'm with you on the fog, Anita.
"Would your CA law work in reverse?"
The cool thing about Humor Law, Yvonne, is you can change it to fit your needs without having to mess with legislators, or judges etc.
"the image of you 'over-squatting' and the seapage of pelican brains dripping down the picture window."
Robert, I am not responsible for the images in your mind — and there is some data to indicate that you aren't either. :)
"I don't think PA has a law like that"
Vic, my family has a place in the Poconos. I'll be squatting there later in the summer and let you know if my idea gets any traction.
Humorous, but frighteningly not that far-fetched John. Laughed out loud at the window and pelican comment. Never had a fowl that large attempt such manuever, wouldn't it crack it?
Depends on the window strength, I guess.
Never seen a large bird fly in but I've occasionally heard some rather loud "thumps in the night."
Very funny article, John, and it sounds like a wonderful place. The fact that the pelican didn't break the window could become an advertising angle for Andersen.... I think if I ever squatted anywhere for seven days I would HAVE to stay - I wouldn't be able to unlock my knees!
I liked that letter, John and I think I'll use it the next time I go to the Outer Banks! I can be pretty persuasive at times and maybe I can get it to work!
Good and funny article, John. I'm heading to cottage in New Hampshire next week and it's tempting to try to invoke some of the same squatting laws up there. Wish me luck.
*snork I can certainly understand why your want to squat here but the whole bit of truth about sunny days would give me a moments pause...
it certainly did make me giggle throughout the article. Now that I've been reading your 'How to write humor' articles, I can spot stuff I didn't before--word choices.
I love the way you come up with funnies about these things:)
So the living employees are off limits.. what about the dead ones?
Wow! Great place to spend some vacation time! Can I come live with you? LOL!
live it, love it , lay down the money, you get what you pay for and, than some even a pelican and some uninvited guest including me!lol!
Thanks, Ginger. You could if I had the only vote in this house. :)
Blaine, I think I could tell the difference between you and a pelican — unless you run head on into the sliding glass door.
"The fact that the pelican didn't break the window could become an advertising angle for Andersen"
Good idea, Heidi. I'll contact them.
"I think I'll use it the next time I go to the Outer Banks! "
Sticking to your guns is what makes it work, KD.
"I'm heading to cottage in New Hampshire next week and it's tempting to try to invoke some of the same squatting laws up there."
James, let us know how it goes.
If successful, do you want neighbors?
"the whole bit of truth about sunny days would give me a moments pause"
That's the problem with the northern California coast, Sia.
But it's only 20 minutes away, so you wait for the nice days.
Here the ocean is 10-15 degrees cooler. Not so on the East Coast.
Thanks, Sunaura.
"living employees are off limits.. what about the dead ones?"
Wendy, you may have found another loophole. Thanks.
Sounds like a great idea. The next time we stay with relatives, we will inform them of this rule and we'll have a much nicer house!!
Lol!
Angela, just remember to tell them at the end of a week, not when you get there :)
Very funny stuff John. I like this whole idea!
Thanks, Wanda.
Since the T-rex is out of the question for pets, maybe the brain-dead pelican could be recruited... easily recognizable by the imprint left of the window and definitely under any weight restrictions.
LOL, Sandi. Good idea.
Please hasten to inform Erin and Kenny that you will start construction on the guest house shortly and will need their signature on the contract. I will be out soon to begin laying brick and hanging glass so they need to get the Frig plugged in and a truck hired to make the weekly trips from NAPA valley.
Rest easy
Bill, the good news is I believe there's a wine pipeline direct to Stinson, so trucks aren't necessary.
The bad news is you haven't completed a squatter ritual week and I've put a lock on the bathroom to avoid just such interlopers.
Hey, it's summer. You ought to be warm for another few weeks.
". . . hot tub, a canoe, a kayak and a pelican." I can just imagine you enjoying the hot tub, canoe and kayak, but you need to tell us: How did you enjoy the pelican? Roasted, fried, escoveitched, jerked, or did you just play with it?
Yah... But you know what happened to the Miwoks, don't you? They got rounded up with the Pomos and shipped up here to Cloverdale...
P.S. -- There's FOSSILS in that there Bolinas Lagoon! (I, myself, have LOTS of them!) ;o)
WHOA!!!! That actually POSTED! I'm SPEECHLESS!!! (And that doesn't happen often, so, I'd make note of the date and time, if I were you...)
I just watched it, Dennis. Thought maybe I'd improve my fishing skills.
So far, not so much.
I didn't know that, Jean. I've been working on a humorous history of Marin. Every little bit of detail is healpful.
Thanks and I'm glad you got back on the "Approved to Post" list :)