Don't Stop For Gas. 10 Non-Existent Towns...

If you ever have to drive cross-country avoid small, two lane highways. Stay on the interstate. Don't take shortcuts. And if you find yourself near any of these places, don't stop for gas.

In no particular order of awfulness...

1. Jerusalem's Lot, Maine - Jerusalem's Lot (aka, Salem's Lot) is a nice, quiet bedroom community with good schools, family values, and cheap real estate. But Mr. Barlow pretty much owns the place and he likes to throw his weight around, so don't consider staying too long. Actually, you'll be out of there by 3:00 PM if you know what's good for you.

2. McGuane, Arizona - Bentley Little sets The Town in this desert backdrop. Between the sandstorms, blackouts, bizarre sexual practices, and the violent deaths its a wonder people bother to stay in McGuane. But then it's real close to the Familyland amusement park, which is completely misnamed by the way. If you're ever in Arizona, be sure to drive right on by. Black Canyon City isn't that far and the pie at the Rock Springs Cafe is the best.

3. Snowfield, Colorado - Dean Koontz sets The Phantoms in Snowfield. The skiing is fantastic in Snowfield and, unlike Vail, the slopes aren't crowded. They wouldn't be since 150 inhabitants are dead and 350 are missing. Nobody knows what happened to all those people and by the time they figure it out its too late. You just can't stop Ancient Evil. If its a choice between braving the blizzard or spending a night in Snowfield, opt for freezing to death in your car.

4. Derry, Maine - Steven King set both It and Insominia in Derry. You can forget about the comfy beds at the Howard Johnson's. You will NOT be getting any sleep. It's not even safe to use the lavatory at the Shell station, what with the immense evil lurking in the sewers and all. Do you hear the whispering coming from the sink drain?

5. Gatlin, Nebraska - Stephen King goes halfway across American from Maine, to Nebraska for Children of the Corn. Every townsperson over 18 has been massacred by the children. They worship a strange god that lives under the cropfields and thrives on fresh blood and mayhem. If you stop, you die. Remember what I told you about staying on the interstate.

6. Greentown, Illinos - Greentown is a paragon of Midwestern complacency hiding an undertone of evil. That's why Ray Bradbury set both Dandelion Wine and Something Wicked This Way Comes there. It has lots of visitors, mostly the supernatural kind who like to drag you off to other realities and dark adventure. If you don't stay over, they won't be offended.

7. Malcasa Point, California - Richard Laymon set the Beast Trilogy in this little burg, that has a name literally meaning "bad house." If some of those jokers in McGuane, Arizona move, they'll be right at home in Malcasa. The running, the screaming, the blood, the gore...And that's just a placid Tuesday evening. The motels in Anaheim are expensive during Disney season but just keep driving.

8. Potter's Field, Wyoming - This is the setting for David Morrell's The Totem. Potter's Field is a town best seen from afar. Filled with rabid animals, the undead, and primal creatures with a lust to kill, its completely tourist unfriendly. There's a McDonald's a little ways out of town with clean restrooms. Stop there if you must but move on.

9. Innsmouth, Massachussets - So many bad, otherworldy things inhabit Innsmouth that H.P. Lovecraft had to write a story about it, "The Shadow Over Innsmouth." Its obvious from first acquaintance that the people of Innsmouth are a bit..odd, possibly incestuous, definately deranged. There is not one safe place to abide in this fishy, dank, unfriendly bastion of Cthulhu-lovers. Backup and turn around.

10. El Rey, Mexico - This hard-bitten, notorious hole-in-the-wall features prominently in Jim Thompson's The Getaway (also a film starring Steve McQueen). Robert Rodriguez also uses the location as the setting for his vampire flick From Dusk Till Dawn. If you don't get murdered by the numerous underworld thugs, the vampires can still take a crack at you. And for god's sake, don't leave your RV in the parking lot of the Titty Twister.