The Band Plays for a Bunch of Drug Dealers

"The Band Plays for a Bunch of Drug Dealers"
February 4^th, 2009: Downtown Aquarium - Houston

This evening's venue takes place at the Downtown Aquarium. Located near Houston's theater district, the restaurant/theme park is a monument to combining commerce with marine life conservation. Housed in the (redeveloped) historical Central Waterworks Building , the park spans over six acres. On the outside guests may ride the 100 foot Ferris wheel , view endangered white tigers and swamp alligators up close (well...not too close), and take a voyage on a kiddie train that travels through an acrylic tunnel to see sharks swimming overhead. And speaking of sharks, there are plenty of boardwalk-style games devised to ensnare the wallets unsuspecting patrons. The dinning complex is equally as impressive: Running through the middle of the three-level restaurant is a 500,000 gallon aquarium. Supplied with 200 species of aquatic life from around the globe, it's the largest cylindrical tank in North America. George has brought his family to the park several times, and is excited about playing in the ballroom level tonight. He is eager to get started, though he has no idea of who will be in attendance this evening.

Since this gig was booked through a production company that the band works for from time to time, the guys don't know for whom they're actually performing for tonight. For all they know, they're playing for a Klan rally or Al-Qaeda or worse! As it would turn out, the venue is actually a dinner for the sales personnel of the Swiss pharmaceutical corporation, Roche. The 100+ year-old, multi-billion dollar drug company is active in over 150 countries, employs around 80,000 people, and leads the industry in oncology and in vitro diagnostics. They're sort of the Microsoft of drugs. Anyone who has ever taken Valium, Xolair, or even Tamiflu, got it from Roche (and it was probably distributed through one of the sales people soon to arrive here tonight).

George arrives first to the site. The ballroom is spectacular and spacious. And as one would expect, every inch of the place is adorned with oceanic items. Even the overhead lights resemble creatures from the deep. Despite the cavernous expanse of space in this ballroom, the band's area is sectioned off to a very tiny spot near the podium. Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens with a certain amount of regularity: The trio is usually tucked into an area that would have made Harry Houdini claustrophobic and expected to exuberantly play without knocking over the other member's equipment. While the guys have actually become quite good at dodging each other's instruments, they still long for a space larger than a 5 x 6 square. Upon seeing the allotted 'micro bandstand' George contemplates if he should change the name of the group to the 'GEORGE POE FIVE' in hopes of acquiring more room at future gigs. Or maybe just a simple disclaimer printed on the band's promotional materials; A line like 'Band Pictured Not Actual Size' beneath the photo of the trio on the promo sheet.

George finishes setting up most of his equipment as Lee and Matthew arrive. In the midst of unwrapping cords, and setting up speakers, George decides to have a mini-band meeting (pun not intended). "Hey, as we were getting the tax stuff together, I discovered that we nearly played 70 gigs last year (68 to be exact)." "Wow, that's a lot when you consider we all still work 40+ hours a week at our day jobs." George nods and continues "So our average gig is three and a half hours; if you take 3.5 (hrs) times 70 (events), that equals 245 hours or 10 days of non-stop playing!" "Where do you come up with this stuff?" "I dunno - I just thought that was cool. We're almost as busy as the band Orange Is In." At the sound of this, a smile takes over Matthew's face (though he tries to ignore George's sarcasm). "I read it only takes 30-40 hours of flight time with an instructor to get a license from the FAA to make you a pilot." "We've got 6 times the amount of hours, so what does that make us?" All three take turns raising eyebrows and exchanging shrugs.

The first person that the guys encounter that's not part of the wait staff introduces herself as Juliana. She mentions that she is one of the evening's coordinators, and is employed by Roche. She admits that she is not the band's point person, "That will be Marilyn, but I can answer some brief questions". Matthew (as the delegate of the group) begins to acquire as many facts about the company and tonight's event as quickly and unnoticeably as he can. Lee and George noticed Matthew's ability to put strangers at ease years ago - he is, after all, a chaplain. They both appointed him to be the department head of the band's 'SCHMOOZE DIVISION'. During the pre-event moments, Lee and George offer the obligatory handshakes and name exchange, and then quickly fade to the background for Matthew to lay on the charm. The thing is, his actions and gestures are sincere, as he genuinely strives to get to know the host or hostess. His refined social skills/tactics flow like Sodium Pentothal through the veins of his interviewee subjects. George has nicknamed this process 'The Extraction Period'; a pivotal time before a show in which Matthew will gather much-needed intel on the audience the band will be working for. Matthew continues with the inquest, while suppressing the urge to tell Juliana that her company's name, Roche, is actually French for 'Boulder'. Gratefully, she is quickly whisked away to some pressing matter that needs her attention on the 2nd floor of the restaurant. Lee and George finish setting up.