Obama Hails Notaries as 7th, Maybe 8th Line of Defense Against Terror

ARLINGTON, Va.  Speaking to a capacity crowd at the annual convention of the National Notary Public Association, President Barack Obama today hailed notaries as vital to America's efforts to defend itself against terrorism.

"You guys are doin' a heckuva job!"

"After the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, police and firemen, notary publics--or is it notaries public?--play an essential role in our nation's defense by ensuring that terrorists do not forge installment sale contracts for major appliances," the President said to raucous cheers.

"You have got one bitchin' cool stamp, man!"

Obama's appearance before the group represented a bit of fence-mending on his part.  "Throughout his campaign, Obama ignored us," said Helen LaRosa, Executive Director of the group.  "He'd go to the Justice of the Peace convention--sure, they're big spenders.  But notaries--no way."

Notaries are typically paid state-regulated fees of less than $5 to authenticate signatures on legal documents.  Justices of the Peace are authorized to perform this humble service but can also officiate at weddings for which they receive much larger fees, generally in the range of $50 to $75.

Holmquist:  "Any fishstick with a stamp can notarize something."

Ellen Holmquist, president-elect of the National Conference of Justices of the Peace, said she didn't consider the President's appearance at the convention as a sign that notaries were closing the prestige gap that has long separated them from members of her profession.  "From colonial times to the present, the justice of the peace has always been a leading member of the community," she noted. "Any fishstick with a rubber-stamp and a seal can be a notary."

"Cel-e-brate good times, come on!"

After the President's speech the notaries retired to the ballroom of the Motel 6 here for an evening of dining and dancing featuring a live disk jockey.  A half hour after the cash bar had opened conventioneers had loosened up a bit and were seen imprinting each other with their notary stamps.

"Things can get a little wild when notaries have had a couple of pops," said Ernest "Bud" Philmont, of Shrewsbury, Mass.  "People are going to have a lot of ink in strange places when they wake up in the morning."