They used to call me artistic.
I never saw myself as an artist. Yes, I was very good at sitting down with a pencil and drawing exactly what I saw in front of me. Sometimes, I believed that the finished product was even “perfect.”
At times, I used a pen, instead, and pointillism as my technique, tiny dots making up a whole. Or a crow quill pen and the tiniest of strokes; the dots or strokes simply more plentiful to demonstrate the darkness in the scene. I loved ink, because it was a challenge. So easy it was to make the drawing irreversibly dark, that it took infinite precision.
I mastered it.
But I was not an artist.
I used to watch Jim at work with a pencil, pen, charcoal, colors… Jim was an artist. He would sit with pad in hand and out of the depths of his imagination, could create something beautiful.
I envied him, and at times would try. I loved faces, and after drawing them perfectly for so many years, I should have been able to draw one without looking at one.
I could not.
I was not an artist.
People used to ask me how I learned to draw so beautifully.
I did not learn. I just did. I would sit down with my pencil and I would look at what I wanted to put on the paper… and I would simply duplicate it there. I simply saw what I saw, and put it on paper. I didn’t understand why everyone could not do the same.
I thought they just didn’t try hard enough, if they couldn’t do the same.
It never occurred to me that it was not how I used a pencil or pen, but how I looked at what I saw, which was different from what other people did.
I saw faces, and saw the perfection in them. I duplicated that perfection and inner beauty, with lines and curves and shading, and people called me an artist.
I was not an artist. Artists create. I was only plagiarizing what someone else created.Stealing their imagination.
Oh, how I wanted to see the pictures Jim saw, in his mind. But in mine was only darkness, made darker by the shame of my unintentional yet unceasing deception.
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Comments: 55
Beautiful expression and insight.
Thanks for your input, Jacquie. I have been burdened by that guilt for my entire life, and it is in fact why I stopped drawing, years ago. People saw my "work" and wanted more and more of it... and the more I did it, the guiltier I felt.
I was once offered a job as a police sketch artist, and was bewildered by it. I was told that my drawings were "perfect" and I would be very good at it... but unless I was looking at the suspect, I could not draw the image. (That doesn't make for a very good sketch artist.)
You may (or may not) be an artist, but this statement reveals that you are an exceptionally bright student!
One day not too long ago, I realized that the creative things that I do are also art. My media are varied (writing, collage, crafting, computer generated, dishgardens, etc.) but all them call for creativity and most call for a good sense of color, form and composition -- just like "real art"! lol!
I can't be taught imagination. My mind is a blank. But that's all right. That's me. And, at fifty-one, I also know it's not what's important in my life. Figuring out what I CAN do, and working with it, is far more important to me. I won't spend my life regretting, any more.
Good for you, no regrets. :) Sending you hugs.
Where I live, there used to be an artisan and crafter's market. The people who considered themselves "artisans" asked for the markets to be divided into two. They don't want to participate in the same market as the crafters. I make some things they consider appropriate for the "artisans" market and others they do not. I choose to stay with the crafters as I see many of them as just as talented as the others. All this labeling is just a bunch of nonsense.
I can draw anything as it stands from a picture or as it is right in front of me, but I cannot draw a person from memory or description.
just do your own thing - and don't show anyone except someone who understands the true artist...I've worked with a number of people now in doing a form of art therapy and they have amazed me. I'll post some pictures someday of what they have done...ok just dropping in as I miss seeing you ...stay in touch! Salud
If you want to consider yourself talented - and not an artist - that's fine - it's just words anyway.
What does an artist do? Perceive and then transform something into some kind of physical reality. Whether you imagine it, hear it, see it, feel it - and then speak it, paint it, write it, make music out of it - depends on your talent. Any yours is tremendous.
I couldn't have said it any better, Cristina!
Wonderful writing/post Julie!
It was because in the kitchen, I am creative. So we agreed to call me a "food artist." And I am all right with that, just as I am all right with just calling myself talented but not artistic. It was the creativity that I always wished to have... but not so much, any more. Now I feel that how I see things, is what's important. Not just for putting it on paper or whatever, but for the perception itself.
I thank all of you for your comments...
I think it was Michael Angelo who was asked how he created his statues. His answer was: I can see the figure in the marble, and all I do is take away the bits all around, till only the figure is left.
So, was he an artist?
I would assure you of a few things - ONE - you paint images with words as effortlessly as someone might create them with a pen...
TWO - anyone who can find the light within a human form and replicate it as a thing of beauty sees with the heart...
Anyone who can see with an artist's heart and share that image with others... can be nothing less than an artist.
I embrace my "talent" even if I don't call it artistic. Truthfully, it was very liberating to let go of the title, though.
i often call myself a 'hack'. especially when people're making toooo big a deal over something i've rendered.
because, when it comes easy...
...it feels like cheating.
y'know?
Absolutely, thomas... to this day, I can't understand why everyone can't do something which is that easy.
Oh wow. That's a great piece.
That is some excellent writing!! I loved reading it!
But stealing someones inner beauty to replicate it on paper, is not theft. It is creation, it is artistic, it is a gift!
I like Nurse Nancy's opinion. So true.
You ARE an artist.
As i have told my daughter, you may not consider what you do art, but I do, and it is a talent many will never have. You create on paper something that others do not always see, but can see through your vision on the paper. That is art. The words you have written touch heart and soul, that is art!
Hugs and Blessings.
Dearest Julie,
I used to think the same way about myself. I feel very fortunate to have come from a family of artists, who had the ability to create their own style of art in way or another. My father was a painter (oil paint). My mother used to draw wildlife from time to time. My older brother George was great at cartoon figures. My younger sister Val beaded the most beautiful beadwork I had ever seen. My other younger sister April was great at many sorts of art, she still is to this day. My second to the youngest brother Steve used to draw wildlife quite often, and my youngest brother Joe used to draw cars. I never realized that I was an artist by my own right until many years later. That's when I realized that there are many forms of art, including writing, whether it was poetry or otherwise. I used to keep a journal as well. I my self think that you are an artist as well. And don't you let yourself believe otherwise my friend!
This wonderfully written piece tells me that you are an artist.
You wrote beautifully.
To have an ability to draw, even if you think it's theft, is something I admire. I can't draw a straight line with a ruler, let alone free-hand. I would love to be able to draw, write, photography, anything like that. There's not one thing I can do that is in any way, shape or form be called "Art". All I can do is "admire with awe".
We all have our gifts, Jan, and I know I would envy some things that you do. I thank you for your too-kind words.
Friendship can be an art, too. :) I'll just be you are a great friend!
It is surprising to me, that this article has prompted as much discussion as it has. It was just a few passing thoughts in my head that day...
Thanks for taking part in the discussion.
sadly so many forget art is not 100% inspiration, but much skill and technique.
I am guilty of this at times myself.