I seem to have sidled into the book review business. Well, not business exactly, because no one is going to pay me, but a few people asked me to review their books, and I volunteered to review a few others, thinking . . . Who knows what I was thinking -- I don't have the slightest idea of how to review a book.
After having read more than 20,000 books, few seem original to me, fewer captivate my interest. So why do I read? Better to ask why I breathe. Even polluted air is welcome to oxygen-deprived lungs. But that doesn't help the author who wants a review. "Not quite as polluting as others I've read recently" isn't the most endearing review an author can receive. I considered writing curmudgeonly reviews, but unless they become popular, which would give the author a reverse (or perverse) sort of respect, they could only hurt. And I don't enjoy bestowing hurt. I also considered using my own rating system, perhaps one Z for every time I fell asleep while reading, so a ZZZZZ rating would be a great book for an insomniac. The problem with such a system is that it would make me seem a) old; b) tired; c) sleep disordered. And that is not the image I am trying to portray.
I am not an effusive person, and I especially can't gush about a book that barely impinged on my consciousness (or lungs if we keep up the air metaphor). So how can I write a review? By cracking the reviewers' code. Now I can write an honest review using all the typical buzzwords. For example: when reviewers say a book is funny, what they really mean is that they think it's funny the book was picked for publishing when their own was rejected. Here are some other words from the reviewers' lexicon:
Fast-paced -- Flipped through the pages at a very fast pace so I could be done with it.
Good read -- Like a good feed, a good read goes in one end and out the other with little discomfort.
Impossible to put down -- I carry it around everywhere hoping for a miracle to help me finish it.
Page-turner -- Couldn't turn the pages fast enough to get to the end and be done with the torment. (See also fast-paced.)
Side-splittingly funny -- I'd rather commit seppuku than read one more strained quip.
Sizzling romance -- It really burns me that I wasted my time reading such tripe.
Sharp dialogue -- lots of white space on the page making it easy to cut through the trite comments.
Witty -- full of remarks so obtuse that you know the writer was trying to be clever though he or she didn't quite manage it.
So, if I write a review that says a book is a side-splittingly funny page-turner with sharp dialogue and sizzling romance, you will know what I mean.
And if I say simply that I like it, without any effusion, you will know that I mean it.
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Comments: 31
When I write a book review, I just write it the way I see it.
I have never used a book reviewer's lexicon, but a reader can easily figure out the meaning behind terms like 'witty,' fast-paced, and so on.
I think the best is just to tell it like it is.
I think I will never ask you to review my book(s), just in case.
By the way, this was a good read. ;-)
Therefore...
Good post. :P
From that amazing total, what books stick out in your mind as premier ones? What authors consistently pleased you?
As for books that stand out (just off the top of my head and in no particular order):
Sakkara by Noel Barber
Sarum by Edward Rutherford
The River God by Wilbur Smith
The Left Hand of God by Graham Greene
The Balance Wheel by Taylor Caldwell (for many reasons, both good and bad)
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens (because of the irony)
The Creature From Jeckyl Island by G. Edward Griffin (non-fiction)
The Gods of Eden by William Bramley (non-fiction)
The Twelfth Planet by Zeccharia Sitchen (non-fiction)
Story by Robert McKee (non-fiction)
most books written by Antony Sutton
most books written by Stephen J. Gould
a few books written by Hank Messick
One author that consistently pleased me was Kate Wilhelm until she stopped writing science fiction and began writing mysteries.
To me... good read makes perfect sense and it is also one of the highest compliments I can give a book or writer especial if I say it was an excellent read. There are books I've read that in their entirety turned out to be a good story, but that doesn't mean I especially enjoyed the whole process of reading from cover to cover.
A good read has a flow of connected words which sweeps me along in the story without my being conscious of the process.
But anywho...your article is funny.
I am worthless when it comes to book reviews, hard pressed to be witty and or intelligent sounding I end up with a confused lay out of words. Which I have to edit and may end up with a couple of words....I liked it or Excellent Read
Thanks for a list of books that you found interesting or enjoyable...I'll have to try a couple.
And I myself have read so many books that it is impossible to assign a number.
I liked it.
;o)
Clearly I have catching up to do!
You'll think this is funny... I read this post at your blog and I'm thinking...didn't I ask a good question? Why did she delete my comment? I'm always mouthing off, what did I do to upset her?
I’ll ask you the question any Nabokovian has been asked since the publishing of the book:
Who do you think is the real narrator of the Pale Fire ?
Adina, I think a fresh reader needs know no more than this on entering Pale Fire: Nabokov hated what he called "paraphrasts" who seek hidden meaning and apply analysis and philosphical interpretation to other's work. What do you think?
PS: And Deckard is a replicant. Ha!
PPS: I was the shadow of the waxwing slain...
I agree , a first time reader should enter free of preconceptions or expectations or over analyses .
I read it first when very young, then read it again , numerous times , as I got older. Every time I find a new fold , kind of like Milton’s Paradise lost.
I am at a point now when I think the real narrator is Kinbote (Botkin),( I think he writes the poem and imagines the death of the poet so as to have an excuse to tell the story he is really interested in ).
When I review a book, I try to tell my readers what to expect from the book. "Good read" is high praise for the readability of a book--that is, the book might not challenge your world-view or enlighten you, but it's well-written and entertaining.
I do know who Kate W. is--she's the grandmother of one of my kids' classmates. I used to drop said grandchild off at her house after school.
As for a book I would recommend:
I started reading a book last night that hooked me in the very first paragraph. AND made me laugh. Don't remember the last time that ever happened.
The book started out:
I could hear meadowlarks singing in the pasture. They make powerful music; music to enrich the soul and fill a man's heart with love. However, at this hour of the morning, I'd like to smash their noisy heads with a hoe.
The next few pages were every bit as good. Can hardly wait to read the rest of it. (Really.)
The reason I wouldn't recommend any of the above mentioned books is that I read them so long ago, I was a different person. That I remembered titles and authors shows what an impact they had. In recent years, the only book that had any impact on me was Dumas Key by Stephen King. I'm thoroughly ashamed to admit it, but he did get me with that one. But during the past couple of decades, the only other books that have pulled me in are The River God and Sarum, both of which I intend to reread. The River God is based on scrolls found in an Egyptian tomb, and Sarum is a Michener-type book about the Salisbury Plain in England. I don't agree with a lot of his history, but it was fascinating. I want to read Sakkara again if I can ever get it, though I don't remember much about it except that it's a sort of North African Gone With the Wind. (Tanamera, also by Noel Barber, is sort of a Singapore Gone With the Wind.) But I intend to reread it if I ever get a chance. In fact, I will reread all of Noel Barber's books some day. Maybe even some of Nevil Shute's books. And David Westheimer's.
I read The Balance Wheel during the Vietnam era. Now THAT made an impact -- reading a book about the war-to-end-all-wars during a later war. If I ever come across a copy of the book, I'll reread it.
Interestingly, I started rereading some of the classics, and couldn't do it. Nicholas Nickleby, Sense and Sensibilty, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. AAGGHH!!!
For about fifteen years I got so sick of the pap put out by the major publishers that I stuck with non-fiction. Read everything -- history, quantum mechanics, string theory, health, archeology, ect, etc, but that got old (or I did) so now I'm back to fiction.
I've decided I need to get rich so I can start buying indie books. I feel like the man who kept shrinking and shrinking until finally he shrunk so much he ended up in an entirely different universe, a microscopic one. For me, the publishing world has shrunk so much, that the only hope for finding the sort of books that interests me is to find another world. Which I have. The indie world. I guess I'll just have to get people to send me books to "review." Yes, that's it. I'll tell people I'll do a review!
You better read this soon, because in the next day or two there's a good chance I'll decide it says way too much about me, and I'll delete it.
Duma Key also struck me. Beyond a welcome return to form, the autobigraphical details about a damaged man in the healing process were very poignant.
There are good commerial novels. You should dip your brain into Dan Simmons The Terror or Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon. I think you'd be thrilled and delighted (and inspired) by what they're doing.
Okay, no delete. In fact, I might use the remarks for a blog article. I never did answer the question you left there. And now that I think about it, I need something for No Whine, Just Champagne tomorrow. "What books stick in your mind for whatever reason, and how do they influence your writing?" Sounds like a good topic. Thanks!
Interview? Um . . .