Overwhelmed and Under Paid

I've heard from several of you recently wondering why your posts or photos haven't been acknowledged at Rainbow Connections, and I know it's long past time to have announced Kelly Green winners and posted a new color...

Some of you know I had minor surgery last week (basal cell skin cancer removed from my neck). I was already feeling pretty low, stiff, and in a bit of pain and then, managed to get very overly-tired and run-down after not sleeping well for several nights in a row. I suppose that's how I managed to catch the most awful cold of my life. I've been coughing my lungs out all week and been feeling so congested that at times I feel like my head is about to explode - for 7 days now.

My two primary staff persons have both been sick as well, and we have a big murder mystery opening this weekend, a French meal for the French class at Austin High next week, an Easy Meals for Busy People cooking seminar, also next week, plus tax appointments and a million other things, some good and some bad, going on right now.

It has been incredibly, sadly, scarily slow at my business since Valentine's Day, so I am thrilled to have the business, yet I feel so overwhelmed and just plain exhausted that I can hardly function.

On Saturday night, I was feeling awful, and spent an hour formatting an 8 page file in Word so my niece could print it up on Monday. I then decided I should balance the checkbook before we left to make the 1 hour drive to the town where my husband is a pastor since I was going to be gone on Monday. I found almost $1,500 of payments we had made online that had never been entered in the computer. It happened because I couldn't get online at the Blue Belle, so my husband made the payments for me on our home computer... What a horrid feeling to suddenly find out you had that much less in the bank than you thought you had. And... that same night, I was paying my state sales taxes online, and got booted in the middle of the process... before I paid the $500 something deposit. At least that's what I thought. Come to find out, the money was taken out of my account twice.

Then, when I returned to the Blue Belle, I found out the whole 8 page file I worked so hard on somehow got deleted.

Fast-forward to today... my tax appointments are always so discouraging. The good news is, my losses of the past couple of years offset my husband's income enough that we don't have to pay many taxes. He says the money I save him is not my best asset, but that he appreciates it nonetheless. But being as tired and worn down as I am... it's one of those times when I wonder why I do this to myself (running myself ragged to keep my business going) when I am not making anything for my efforts... I mean, I do love what I do, but really... what makes what some people do worth $xxx.xx per hour and what I do per hour worth a big fat $0.00?

My husband periodically says that I get reimbursed about 1 cent per hour for the time I spend on Gather - my response is that that's about what I get paid for the time I spend at the Blue Belle Inn as well, so that must be what I'm worth.

Don't mind me, really. I am just hurting tonight, and that makes me sad.

Anyway... I have my winner's article about a third done, and I have chosen photos for a new color of the week. I will get both articles done as soon as possible. In the meantime, I just wanted to let you know what was going on.