Join us for a live chat, tonight at 8pm ET to discuss caregiving for aging parents. What do you need to know? Who can help you?
We will be joined by Dr. Madhuri Reddy of Harvard Medical School. During the chat you can ask her questions, share tips and get advice from other members! One Gather member who participates in the live discussion between 8-9pm ET will win 250 Gather PointsTM.
The chat takes place here, in the comment field below. You must refresh your browser to see new comments.
Dr. Reddy is an Instructor of Medicine at Harvard Medical School and is on staff at the Department of Gerontology at Beth Israel Medical Center. She has recently relocated to San Francisco and is Associate Medical Director of the Community Living Center at the VA Hospital at the University of California at San Francisco. Dr. Reddy completed Internal Medicine training, a Masters of Science in Clinical Epidemiology, and subspecialty training in Geriatric Medicine at the University of Toronto in 2001, followed by a fellowship in Skin & Wound Healing in the Division of Dermatology at the University of Toronto in 2001-2002. Dr. Reddy is Assistant Editor of the Journal of Geriatrics and Aging, is author of numerous publications and textbook chapters, speaks frequently at educational event,s and has recently completed a book for patients and families on caring for chronic wounds.
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Comments: 129
Even though it was difficult I would still do it again because he taught me so much. He taught me patience, kindness and unconditional love. The elderly have so much to offer yet they are often just pushed aside when they can no longer add to our enjoyment.
I dont intend that to be critical of other. It is only what we found in our case.
shes right. i do love her so much.. and every single thing i helped her do... was def. an act of love... and i actually was thankful i could do any/all of it for her..
she was so supprised that she was not embarrased either.. but i think that was becasue.. she could FEEL that love that we all gave her.
it was also nice that me, my sister, mom, 2 female cousins and my aunt. all were there to help her with her personal needs. we took turns staying with her.. and helping her out. we enjoyed each other during that time also. it was nice! and what a nice memory we have of grammas last few months! warm heartfelt.
Depending on the personality and co-operativeness of the patient, this can be a very hard time for all involved.
The biggest thing I remember is how much the people who need you to take care of them tend to RESENT you, because they NEED you. What they really resent is aging and illness. Try to remember not to take things personally.
I have wonderful memories of taking care of my grandmother at the end of her life.
My aunt tried to take us with her when she died.
My mother n law became more crazy than ever.
This too shall pass. Literally.
Enjoy the time you still have together.
It is indeed true that any mind activity, including reading and doing crosswords can reduce the risk of developing Alzheimer's dementia. Newer evidence shows that knitting can do the same. I think the bottom line is to keep yourself physically, mentally and socially active (evidence shows that social activities as well as close social relationships can also help slow the onset of cognitive impairment).
Nobody really knows why some people get Alzheimer's and others do not.
In some families, Alzheimer's may be inherited. This is more likely to be the case in people of younger age who get Alzheimer's (eg. under 55 yrs). It is not as likely to be primarily genetic in those who are older. There are genetic tests available (at a cost), but most physicians do not recommend getting tested because there are no cures at present.
how do you recommend to help your parent s deal with stress?
you are right, there is some medical literature that indicates that artificial sweeteners may lead to health risks such as cognitive impairment. Again, we don't know if this is true; and if it is true, how many drinks is "too many". I would say that since there are doubts, to drink them in moderation.
what type of stress do you mean? What are your parents stressed about, specifically?
Are they medically healthy?
electroshock therapy (ECT) is a commonly used (and very effective) treatment used for people who have depression. It is especially good for people who have severe symptoms that do not respond to medications; or cannot tolerate the side effects of antidepressants. ECT works great for older adults in the treatment of depression.
But we've come a long way with ECT. While it is a very safe treatment now; decades ago, physicians used much higher doses. Certainly it is possible that some damage may have been done to your grandfather.
My mother-in-law has dementia which appears to have started from being depressed without receiving treatment. Since she is 89 years old, I don't know how to interact with her. She is very introverted and doesn't talk to me anymore. How do I keep her stimulated?
it is unlikely that dementia started from untreated depression. It is more likely that she either was developing early dementia that was incorrectly diagnosed initially as depression; or that she had depression and early dementia starting at the same time, which is very common.
Great question about how to keep her stimulated - you are a great daughter-in-law! Keep talking to her. Keep sentences simple and clear.
Taking her to a geriatric day program is a wonderful idea, even though she may not directly interact with others.
I would also recommend taking her to see a geriatrician to see if there are any treatable medical issues going on that might help her be a little more extroverted.
this situation is very common. I think you can be very helpful to your sister, even though you live far away. Here are some suggestions:
1. most importantly, ask your sister how exactly you can be the most help to her
2. offer to pay for respite care (so your mother can stay in a facility for a few days while your sister gets a break) or for some home help
3. organize your trips home so you are present for the things that your sister likes to do the least (such as doctors' appts etc)
Additionally, if you have had 2 first degree relatives who had Alzheimer's, you may be at higher risk.
But talking to your sister and showing her you care is still the most important step. She may try and push you away, because she's stressed and may at times be resentful of you not being there. But keep at it - keep communicating with her (even allowing her a chance to vent may be a great help) and perhaps offer to take care of the kids if she can send them your way from time to time.