I'm not a writer; I came to Gather to share my photography and learn some more about how to take better pictures. So I'm not involved with the Writing Essentials programs, and specifically, I'm not involved with Dame Ruth's Mirthday Monday humor exercises. But a lot of my friends are, and I've been chuckling over the responses to this week's assignment of writing about what makes you angry. It reminded me of a comment I posted on an article by Ina as to why it wasn't a good idea to make her yard a place for Crows to hang out in so that they'd chase away her Hawks. I didn't do that subject nearly enough justice. I'm here today to rectify that.
Now don't get me wrong. I love Crows. Crows are Nature's born comedians; I can't watch them do their thing without cracking up. Crow is one of my totems; I hang out with Crows, we have animated conversations, and we even play together at times. Crows are my buddies, my psychic twins. But I would never, ever invite Crows to make my home theirs. Why is that, you ask? Ah! Time for another Nature lesson.
Crows roost at night. Not as individuals or as little Crow nuclear families, stopping at the nearest tree to rest for the night. Oh no, they roost en masse, all the Crows in a particular territory, all in one place. We're not talking flocks here, we're talking hordes. We're talking "the buffalo blanketed the Great Plains before the coming of the white man" sized populations, literally thousands settling in the trees of one block, maybe two. They descend like an invading army. They are an invading army.
They're noisy. They settle into the trees in the target area around sunset and get to squabbling, fussing, telling jokes and passing them up and down the line, laughing, cursing, and just generally being vocal. And being loud about being vocal. And even after they settle down and drift off to sleep, there are still some holding late-night conversations. Even the sleeping ones make noise all through the night, chortling and chuckling in their sleep, whoofing, sneezing, burping, cutting Crow-farts. A roosting horde of Crows is never silent. And then, about an hour before sunrise, they wake up and hold morning services, chanting to the Crow God, in unison, back and forth, call and response, this group over here taking a chorus, then that group over there. This goes on for an hour, before sunrise, while you're still trying to grab that last little bit of sleep. and at sunrise they scatter to the four winds, yelling and chattering all the way.
Roosting Crows are messy. When they settle onto their branches they start preening. En masse. This lets drop a veritable blizzard of worn out feathers, down, seed husks (food spillage; these guys are really sloppy eaters), dead skin, and Crow dandruff. Unhygenic and indescribably disgusting Crow byproducts fall from the trees in drifts to settle on your lawn, your garden, your outdoor furniture, your house, and your car.
But it gets even worse. Because, you see, Crows crap. All night long. Also on your lawn, your garden, your outdoor furniture, your house, and your car. Unfortunately, not only is this unhygenic and disgustingly filthy, but Crow crap is the most corrosive bodily fluid known to science. It eats the paint right off your car, your house, your nice black wrought iron garden furniture. It'll permanently stain (as in being burnt on) any wooden surfaces like picnic tables, park benches, and cedar shingles. It eats vegetation and renders yard and garden soil acidic, making it unable to support growing organisms.
I've seen whole neighborhoods totally devastated. A one-night stay is disastrous; if they settle in for a week, the place looks like the countryside around the Somme after the invading German armies successfully bombed the allies out of their trenches - burnt tree trunks, shells of houses, cows and sheep feet up in the fields. Its not a pretty sight.
You can take preventative measures. Here in Newport various institutions have installed sound systems which play a "birds in distress" soundtrack here and there in the city, which they turn on about an hour before sunset and play until about an hour after that event. The soundtrack is comprised of clips of various birds screaming in terror, or screaming while being eaten. This gives the impression that this is a very unfriendly environment for birds, and the Crows go look for a less stressful area to sleep. But this is only done around the public parks (so that you'll actually want to sit on the park benches) and various churches and other public venues. If you live back in the residential neighborhoods, you have to fend for yourself. Good luck!
So my advice is - no matter how much the sight of Hawks dining on songbirds offends your sensibilities, DO NOT invite the Crows in to drive them off. The resulting devastation will ruin your life, leave your neighbors in an uproar, and cause your property values to plummet. You'll be the most hated person in your town or city for having opened that particular door. You may even end up swinging from a lamppost. It's not worth it!
© 2009 by A. Roy Hilbinger
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Comments: 26
It also makes me glad that the flock of birds that have decided to roost around the trees in our neighborhood are not crows!
:-)
"cause your property values to plummet" made me laugh out loud.
I didn't know this, Roy. It makes me wonder why corn fields are not damaged, as these fields tend to attract large numbers of crows in my area. Maybe they don't crap where they eat? Probably a good thing for everyone to remember. Nice crow pics, although I'm still not crazy about the buggers. They make way too much noise.
Like you, I like the photography end of gather. I don't consider myself a writer either.
I've also noticed that we have more crows than in the previous years, just flying about from tree to tree. The hawks seem to have vanished, and I hope that's for good. When crows try to hang out in our yard, they're usually attacked by sparrows. It's really kind of a fun thing to watch.
Ah, the morning birdie cacaphony! With spring upon us, I'm planning on trying to capture the sound that wakes us at least 2 hours before sunrise, from April through July. Without a crow "caw caw" to be heard, the birds in this freaking aviary that I live in will wake and then deafen you, every. freaking. morning.
You better believe I'm posting it here if I get it.
And the kindness you have displayed here today will not go unrewarded by the universe. I don't know much, but I'm pretty sure about that. What am I babbling about? Why, giving Ina advanced warning that this was about birds! That's the mark of a true friend.
AND she showed up, too! Sheesh! The lovey-dovey vibe is really heavy in here. Brings a tear to my eye... which is good, 'cause I hate Crows. I think they're thugs. And I'd rather focus on all the "rainbowness of yours and Ina's unicorns" (5¢ to Aniko) than crows.
Ina, I notice that Red-winged Blackbirds will band together to drive off Crows. And as to your cacaphony, you should visit this wooded lot I pass by frequently; this time of year that place starts getting positively deafening.
Joy, thank you! Although, as the 2nd paragraph says, I really do like Crows an awful lot. I just don't want them as neighbors. And as for the "rainbowiness of the unicorns", that has got to be the single most accurate and hilarious description of that particular Gather conversation I've yet seen. We need to give Aniko a paper crown and put a gold star next to her name for that! I've stolen it too. I think we're gonna have to start putting a ™ next to it when we use it from now on, though, just so's we dont get any Real Internet Lawyers™ coming after us to collect royalties!
Two crows, joy
Three crows, a letter,
Four crows, a toy
Five crows, silver
Six crows, gold
Seven crows, a fortune...
Never to be told.
Can crow dung be recycled, or used as lye? Or?
Great article, Roy.
And you have tats, Roy?! I'm going to have to rethink the Quiet Professor Image you've been rocking in my mind.
Hmmm... Or paint remover, finish stripper. I'd say nail polish remover but I'm afraid it would take some fingernail and finger with it. Thanks, Wilhelmine!
And you have tats, Roy?! I'm going to have to rethink the Quiet Professor Image you've been rocking in my mind.
Heh, heh! Let's just say that the professor is sometimes more Professor Longhair than staid academic.
Good job of exposing these clowns of the bird world !
I never knew crows roosted like this. How much of that is exaggerated about their numbers?
Have you ever heard that crows and owls are enemies? An uncle of mine says so.
Lucky, the numbers are slightly exaggerated, but I'll swear not by much. I'd say 500 to 1,000. Before they installed the "birds in distress" tape in the clock tower of the court building, walking through Eisenhower Park at night was something you just didn't do, because there was a constant rain of Crow crap after dark. And in Winter you could swear there were leaves on the park's trees, that's how thickly the Crows were stacked in them.
As for Crows and Owls, yes, also Hawks. Crows just don't get along with Raptors, and do everything they can to drive Hawks, Owls, and even Vultures out of their territory. I had to crack up once when I saw some Crows going after an Osprey; unlike the other Hawks, Ospreys don't eat other birds and their young, being strict fish eaters, and don't even nest in the same types of places, so there's no real competition between them. But it's a Hawk and instinct says get 'em out, I guess.
Some of the fish processors I visit in San Pedro use those tapes to scare off the gulls - I think it worked for a few days and now they ignore it.