Potty Training Your Toddler

It is possible to “potty train” a cat by holding the animal over the toilet every time it is urinating or having a bowel movement, so that eventually behavior modification kicks in and the cat knows to go on the toilet! Young babies from certain cultures are toilet trained using similar methods. If you can potty train a cat or a young baby, you’d think potty training a toddler would be easy. But you’d be wrong!

Potty training used to be a rite of passage that needed to occur by a certain age. Daycare centers and preschools used to require a child to be toilet trained in order to be admitted. I’ve heard many stories where these deadlines caused a desperate parent to fib a little: “He had an accident? Why that is highly irregular.”

Today, most schools and daycare centers take kids whether they are toilet trained or not, which has allowed parents to be more relaxed about toilet training. Parents have also realized that it is easier to toilet train a child when he is ready. Negotiating with a willful two year old or spending hours in the bathroom waiting for a miracle to occur is not a good use of a busy parent’s time. Changing a diaper is actually easier than battling with a two year old.

I find that most toddlers in my practice are toilet trained by the time they are two-and-a-half to three years old. Boys tend to be later. Having a role model, such as a big brother or sister who is toilet trained, speeds things along.

I recommend getting a potty seat that sits on the floor, so that the child can push off with his feet while having a bowel movement. But whatever works for you is fine.

For some reason, many children find it easier to urinate in the toilet than to have bowel movements in it. Try to avoid forcing your child to use the potty for bowel movements if he resists. If forced to use the potty, the child may become constipated out of the sheer will to not go on the toilet.

Children who have had painful bowel movements in the past sometimes also refuse to go. They may do everything they can to avoid pooping because it hurt that one time. In this situation, if a child feels more comfortable having a bowel movement in a diaper, I would ease up and let him have it. You can keep suggesting pooping in the toilet, but I would not push it. At some point he will be ready to use the potty for bowel movements.

In general, I support a relaxed approach to toilet training. The expression, “You never see anyone go to college in diapers” puts a humorous twist on what can be a vexing problem for parents eager to stop supporting the diaper companies.

What trials and tribulations have you had with potty training your children?

Dr. Victoria McEvoy graduated from Harvard Medical School in 1975 and is currently an Assistant Professor of Pediatrics at HMS. She is the Medical Director and Chief of Pediatrics at Mass General West Medical Group. She has practiced pediatrics for almost thirty years. She has been married to Earl for thirty six years and raised four children. She currently enjoys writing, traveling, reading, almost all sports, and spending time with her two grandsons.

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