This week we commemorate that famous Irishman, Paddy O'Furniture, and in keeping with the mood, our Island Tale for the week will have an Irish theme.
Please include IN EACH COMMENT one or more of the following elements:
-- An O' before a name (O'Ann, O'Peter)
-- A leprechaun
-- An Irish 'accent'
-- A reference to the Emerald Isle
-- An Irish setter
-- Frosted Lucky Charms
-- Jill Ireland (but not Charles Bronson)
The last (100th) comment should include the phrase, "magically delicious" -- but what's magically delicious is up to you.
Click here for the previous Island Tale, with a cast of characters.
Click here to join Gather Island.
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Comments: 100 ( 3 removed by Tracy Fabre )
O'Tracy said,
"O'Tracy, O'Ann, you muust not eat at the O'Leary pub. We will dine here on Corned Beef and cabbage."
Startled by the little green man, O'Tracy sicked her Irish Setter on him.
The wee little leprechaun screamed,
(ok, that will probably get me banned)
"Holy crap," he said, amazed, then whipped the Island's phaser out of his ruff and vaporized Robert the Drunken Cowboy as a precaution.
O'Bill O'Buchanan, Island Security, arrived just in time to see the bits of heart-dotted skivvies which were all that remained of O'Robert (again) and tsked at O'David. "I only asked you to HOLD the phaser, not
"Oops," said O'David. "I'm sorry."
"Nevermind about that now," said O'Bill. I've got to get this mess under control."
At that moment O'Susan appeared, or O'Thereness if you prefer and
While O'Bill efficiently restored order to O'Ann's library, she and O'Tracy and O'Thereness relocated to the display on Island history. "O'," said O'Tracy, "I didn't know the island was once home to a giant
"I'm sure O'Roarke would know about it. Let's find him and ask him," O' Ann said.
"I know everything he does," O'Susan replied and I
O'Tracy was uneasy. "You know everything he knows?" She turned a little pink.
O'Susan turned pinker. "Not THAT kind of everything!" She fanned herself. "I mean about the Island's history."
O'Ann said, uncomfortably, "How about you tell us over cabbage -- or Lucky Charms -- at O'Leary's? I heard there's a waiter who
The happy trio started off toward O'Leary's Bar and Grill.
As they walked O'Tracy had the feeling that they were being followed but when she turned around no one was there. O'Tracy whispered to O'Susan,
O'Susan o'whispered to O'Ann, who o'complied, and eventually after a lot more whispering, O'Tracy said, "Oh."
She stopped and turned to face their follower. "Oh," she said again. "It's O'you. What do you want?"
O'Susan MacG, O'Tracy O'Fabre, and O' Ann MacC. all agreed that it was possible.
O' Susan said that she would have to stick to coleslaw, since cooked cabbage did
O'Chicken walked out from behind a palm and said, "O'brawk." Then promptly ran down the beach toward
O'Lance caught up with her and plucked her off the rickety pile of paper-umbrella boxes, and dropped her off at the ChickenDrunk Tank on his way to meet the women at O'Leary's.
"No cabbage for me," he told the waitress, who looked like Jill Ireland. "I've been sick."
O'Leary's, formerly known as Little Chicago until Manerva accidentally burned it to the ground, served
Manerva moo'ed as she saw the group arrivin.
She gasped, "Oh, it's me wee friend O'Lance...
Manerva, bored, interrupted. "When you're a cow, sweetie, everyone else is wee."
The Jill Ireland-lookalike waitress approached, humming "When Irish Eyes Are Smiling", and flipped open her order pad. "The special today is
"What?" the group said in unison...
"Yes, bread and water: irish soda bread, irish brown bread, scones, or apple-potato cakes for tea. You may end with irish coffee!"
O'Lance broke out in song ... "O Danny Boy...
"We do have parsnip and leek soup or steak & guinness pie."
The Jill Ireland-lookalike waitress who's real name, no kidding, was Scarlett O'Hara said, "So what will you have handsome," while smiling at O'Lance.
O'Lance replied,
O'Ann shrugged. "Why does O'Tracy do anything?"
O'Lance thought about it. "Good point. And why did I start to sing?"
The waitress said, "Just tell me what you want, handsome bald guy, so I can
She turned back around...
"Before I go here is a story my grandfather passed on to me:
The Mouse on the Barroom Floor
Some Guinness was spilled on the barroom floor
when the pub was shut for the night.
Out of his hole crept a wee brown mouse
and stood in the pale moonlight.
He lapped up the frothy brew from the floor,
then back on his haunches he sat.
And all night long you could hear him roar,
Scarlett flipped her long red hair, turned and went toward the kitchen.
O'Ann said, "Hey, she didn't take my order. What's wrong with her?"
O'Susan, who has not been mentioned lately, said,
O'Tracy set her piercing gaze on O'Lance. "And why are you smirking?"
"I've been ill," he said defensively. "It's a reflex. I mean reflux. Yeah, reflux."
Scarlett O'Hara returned. "Sorry, I forgot to take your orders. You'll have to leave."
"What?" O'Susan demanded. "Why
"This is a male only establishment - men or leprechauns only!" replied Scarlett O'Hara.
O'Lance said, "Uh I think I'll stay here."
O'Susan, O'Ann and O'Tracy walked out the door and
O'Tracy, unable to get over the incredible spread on that dessert cart, began to whine.
The leprechauns, angry at their mistreatment, began chasing the ladies and O'Doug, crying out for revenge, which frankly, was only fair. They cornered the humans in the patio outside Selene's Surf Shoppe, and began pelting them with potato pellets. "We'll not be kicked around!" the tallest one shouted. "We
O'Tracy composed herself and assumed a proper posture of fear and trembling.
"That's better," he said, and turned back to the blancmange, to say
The three women and Doug (who had set his rice crock down on a patio table, mindful of Paddy O'Furniture's influence in deck chair history) advanced on the huge dessert and started
Doug continued spooning the minty mess and pushed it back into the shoppe. Unfortunately it was too much for Doug and soon he was lost in a sea of frothing blancmange.
The girls wanted to pull him out but did not want to mess up their clothes and we all know that O'Ann HATES anything minty.
O'Tracy looked perplexed. O'Susan looked aghast and O'Ann looked marvy.
"I know," she preened. "Would you help us rescue O'Doug?"
Being a man of architectural science-y stuff, he puzzled over the problem for a minute, then declared,
The blancmange didn't think so, but O'Doug was able to extricate himself from its... er.... undercarriage with minimal damage, and the staining wouldn't hold up under a good dose of Tide™ mixed with
O'Tracy couldn't stop laughing and the green mint mixture that she had tasted came out her nose!
"That'll teach you to eat mint," O'Ann muttered.
"Nah, it's just blancmange's revenge," O'Lance said. "Payback's a ... er ... it's rough. So what's this about a giant statue of Pat O'Brian?"
Scarlett and Kathy backed off, leaving O'Roarke looking both relieved and regretful. "Thank you, my dear," he said. "I was trying to tell them there is no Pat O'Brien's here, but they didn't believe me."
"But there was a Pat O'Brien statue," O'Ann prompted him. "It's in my library display so I know it's true."
"Yes, but that was left here by a
They glanced at her curiously, and then O'Tracy said firmly, "Mr. O'Roarke, you have been working too hard. You know very well there is no one named Tattoo on this island. There has never been anyone named Tattoo or O'Tattoo on this island, and there never will be."
"As for cannons," O'Susan added mildly, "they make loud noises, so they're right out. I know where the statue used to be, ladies. Follow me to
"O'Lance doubled over with laughter and
As the group made their way towards the library,
"No, Mr. O'Roarke, it is a leprechaun! You know there is no tatoo on this island. Now why don't you come to the library with us so we can find the statue."
"Has anyone seen Paddy O'Furniture?" Mr. O'Roarke was clearly overworked and all...
As he approached O'Laela looked up and said,
O'Roarke leaned in closer to inspect them, realizing too late the two shamrocks were placed, well, in a place a gentleman shouldn't be staring, not that O'Laela seemed to mind. "It's quite shamrocky," he agreed. "But I need to rest. Moments ago I was shouting inexplicably about tattooed leprechauns when the shortest person around was at least 5 foot 2." He sighed. "Perhaps I need a
Meanwhile O'Lance and the ladies had reached the library. As O'Ann started to unlock the door she discovered it was already unlocked. She was sure she had locked it so she asked O'Lance to go in first. O'Lance slowly opened the door and
Nothing happened. O'Susan tried it again -- more firmly -- and nothing happened.
O'Ann asked apprehensively, "Has O'Lance been... eaten?"
O'Tracy's answer was firm. "Not on OUR watch," and started kicking the door (over O'Ann's protests): "We're the only ones who get to kill O'Lance!"
O'Susan interrupted the kicking. "O'Ann, use your key, dear, it's
O'Ann put the key in the lock and turned it. Nothing. She tried once more, again the door would not open.
"Give it to me," O'Tracy said snatching it from O'Ann's hand. She put the key in the lock, turned it and the door opened.
O'Ann was upset that the key had worked for O'Tracy and not her. That was forgotten as soon as they entered the library and came face to face with
The man let him fall to the floor, and looked apologetic. "Sorry about that. Reflex. I worked for the government for a long time." It was O'Bill, finishing the tidying of the library mess from earlier. "I was a little jumpy, I guess."
O'Lance sat up, weakly. "I take a lot of abuse on this Island. I think I
"You're right O'Lance," Bill said, "and we really need to talk about that lampshade. I'm interested in how it works."
"Uh well, I don't know. It is my invention and I'm not sure I want to "share" it," O'Lance replied.
"Enough of that
"I'll teach you how to do that grab-n-headlock thing I just did on you," O'Bill offered, and O'Lance brightened. "I'll even get you a supply of I Can't Believe It's Not Salsa™ if you like."
"Okay," O'Tracy said. "The menfolk are content. Back to the Pat O'Brien statue. O'Susan, you
"What will you do?" asked O'Susan.
"Don't worry as soon as I return I'll
O'Susan said, "Well, I do have a better idea. I mean, you can go to the loo and in fact I wish you WOULD go to the loo, but we don't need to look anything up. I told you I know where the statue is."
They blinked -- even the men -- and read back far enough to see she was right. "Just to clarify," O'Bill said, "is this Pat O'Brien of the tavern fame, or Pat O'Brien the sports guy?"
"I believe it is the Pat O'Brien of the tavern fame since this is Gather Island and we do not have a lot of sports here but we do have taverns," O'Ann replied.
"I'll meet you all out front when I return from the loo and O'Susan can show us where the statue is," said O'Tracy heading for the lobby.
O'Susan thought about it. "Could he have gone off with the faux Irish chicks?"
"That'd be like him, and like most men," O'Ann agreed sagely, and behind her, both O'Lance and O'Bill nodded vigorously.
"But he would never have left his green rice unattended," O'Susan said. "You know he
"Hey, I still haven't had lunch," O'Ann whined. "Let's go to O'Vivian's first and have a soy burger and a Coke Zero."
Tracy returned and
O'Susan said, "Look, you women are easily distracted." Behind her, O'Lance nodded vigorously (O'Bill had more sense), and without turning, she said, "Watch it, surfer king. Now, ladies, do you want to find the statue or not?"
A whine was a-brewin', and O'Bill stepped in to prevent it. "I'll go get lunch and bring it to you." He efficiently slapped a tracker device on Tracy's arm. "You start out for the statue and I'll find you there."
"Cooooool," O'Lance breathed. "Can I
"Maybe some other time, O'Lance," O'Bill said. "You go with the ladies and watch out for them. I'm counting on you."
O'Susan glared at O'Bill and said,
O'Bill soothed her. "He can do the heavy lifting, the kicking down doors, and anything else unsavory that ladies shouldn't have to do."
O'Lance was about to protest, but the O'Ladies all smiled so sweetly that he shut right up. They gave O'Bill their lunch orders and he vamoosed; the rest of them proceeded out the back exit of the library following Susan's directions.
First they went north for eighty paces, and then they twirled; then northwest for twenty paces, and another twirl, then
O'Tracy composed herself and they resumed their walk, although O'Susan did some private little twirls when the others got ahead of her. Finally they reached a grove of trees guarded by a green Irish setter. "O'Woof," the dog said, but wasn't fooling anyone. "I said O'Woof," he repeated when they started around him. "Hey! This is
"I don't see a rainbow," huffed O'Lance.
"Enough out of you O'Lance, we are looking for the statue, not a
The O'dog meekly let them pass once he understood that they were not interested in his gold. However, he did NOT bother to warn them of the
The poor blancmange had been mortified, having O'Doug stuck in its undercarriage.
O'Susan tripped over a Shillelagh and
O'Lance ran at the blancmange and was immediately swallowed up inside it, leaving O'Tracy and O'Ann shrieking in panic -- but only for a moment, because they were too cool to lose it for too long. Pause for another lungful of shrieking. "Where's a taxicab when you need it!" O'Tracy shouted.
"I TOLD you mint was evil!" O'Ann cried. "Now what are we going to do?"
O'Tracy said grimly, "I'm goin' in. Cover me." And she
"How did you do that O'Tracy?" O'Ann asked.
From across the glade, and leaning against a tree, the Tiara Tree drawled, "You think your troubles are O'ver?"
O'Lance sighed. "Go away." The Tiara Tree laughed. O'Lance fished a cigarette lighter out of his pocket (not the one with the stink eye), and
"Maybe not with a lighter," said O'Lance reaching into his other pocket, the one with the stink eye, "but just suppose I set this on fire, wouldn't that scare you?"
The Tiara Tree trembled, twisted, and turned taupe. O'Lance
"No!" the Tree screeched, and ran away, lumbering through the grove like Monster House on benzedrine.
O'Lance put the lighter away, and turned to face the others, quite satisfied with himself. That's when the
O'Susan looked at O'Tracy and O'Ann and said, "Who do you suppose that is?"
"One way to find out," said O'Lance who was acting a little smug now that he had scared away the tattered Tiara Tree. "I'll go back there and see who is
"O'Crap," O'Tracy said. "O'Damn. That sound can mean only one thing."
"O'Yup," agreed O'Lance, returning to view with O'Robert trailing behind him. "The drunken cowboy's been reconstituted again." He waved the air. "That was some powerful belch," he muttered. "Now get lost."
O'Robert lurched away, and the rest of them resumed their trek to find...
"Just through that grove of palm trees," said O'Susan, "and a few paces north and we should be there."
"So where is our lunch," O'Ann whined ....... again.
As if by magic O'Bill
O'Russell wandered into view, and there was much rejoicing. "O'Russell! We have missed you so much!" O'Ann exclaimed, echoed by O'Tracy. "Where have you been?"
"I don't really know," he said, puzzled. "I was working, and then I wasn't working, but I haven't been here. I think I'm lost."
O'Tracy asked O'Bill if he could put a tracker on O'Russell (after making the proper introductions, of course). "We need to know
"Do you think he needs to be checked by a doctor?" O'Bill asked.
"No," O'Tracy replied, "he just needs
O'Russell frowned. "I don't think so."
"O'Sarah?"
"No...."
"O'Susan? I mean, when she's not here?"
"No..."
"O'Cyndie?"
"No..."
O'Tracy offered him a serving of
O'Bill was amused that the ladies cared so much for O'Russell, and hoped one day that he would be so adored.
O'Lance was not amused.
O'Lance glowered. "I've been working my pO'sterior off for you women without so much as a thanks, and this guy walks in after being AWOL for weeks and gets a free lunch?"
O'Ann smiled. O'Susan smiled. O'Tracy smiled, and further inquired, "How would you like to be thanked? You know we appreciate you, and not just for your Lampshade."
"Well, I... well, I... well I don't know HOW I want to be thanked, but I'd like to be thanked!"
O'Tracy was tempted to thank him in a very particular way, but O'Ann quickly said,
At the mention of her name O'Laela appeared followed by O'Roarke. O'Roarke seemed displeased about something and pulled O'Tracy aside. O'Tracy whispered in his ear and he was soon smiling again.
O'Laela walked over to O'Lance and said, "I have something for you," and from her beach bag pulled a large
... complete with working tractor beams and photon torpedoes. "Whoa," O'Lance breathed. "That's amazing."
"The deluxe model. We've been saving up to get it for you. It even has a working transporter so long as you don't try to move anything larger than a pea," she said, and
O'Lance was stupefied!!! He jumped up and down and flung his arms around O'Laela who simply smiled.
O'Roarke made a motion toward the palm grove and Rico and 3 pool boys appeared with
O'Susan asked O'Roarke why he had brought the pool boys and the directions when she was already there and knew the way as well as he did. O'Roarke answered, "Well, you see,
"There I go what?"
"There you go," he repeated.
O'Susan frowned. "You really aren't hitting on all cylinders lately. So what did you say to the pool boys?"
"What pool boys?" he asked, confused.
O'Tracy put her hand on O'Roarke's forehead. "You have a fever." She led him off to one of those conveniently placed benches, while O'Susan tried to restore order to the group, which now numbered eleven plus the
Chicken ran around excitedly and squawked and brawked at something moving in the pineapple field near the grove of palms.
O'Lance went over to investigate and saw
"THE STATUE!" O'Susan said in a commanding tone. "Everyone who wants to see the statue, follow me." She marched off into the trees without waiting to see who would follow. "This is your one and only chance!" she yelled before disappearing from view.
O'Ann looked at her lunch. "I'm hungry," she said plaintively.
"He's feverish," O'Tracy said of O'Roarke.
"I'm in love," O'Lance sighed over his NCC-1701.
O'Bill considered the deteriorating situation, and said
With the cranky Tiara Tree looming behind her, who could say no? O'Ann offered her
THE O'END