Today is a real hard day for me so excuse me if I don't seem myself. I am sure all of you know by now that I was an abused child. I am as well sure you all know that as hard as I have tried my mother continues to abuse me mentally and emotionally even at the age of 40. I can't help but still love her because she is my mother. Although, for me I can't have contact with her or try to any longer. Please no one ask me to try I can't the outcome hurts to bad. I am sitting here in tears and put my hand on the phone a few times knowing I just can't call her. Today is her birthday and I would love to call and tell her Happy Birthday. I can't though, for one doesn't allow blocked calls and I don't want her to have my number. For two I know she will hand up on me or say something hurtful in return. Trust me she will.
So I am asking this will all of you just pray right now that somehow she gets a sign that I am telling her Happy Birthday. Sounds weird I know but I really for some reason have a feeling that she needs to know that I do still think about her. I just can't be abused any more, I can't hurt anymore. The things she said to Eric last time I was in the hospital hurt so bad. I don't know how any mother can say she don't care what happens to her daughter. Anyways, Happy Birthday Mom.
This is a picture of my parents that I believe was taken shortly after I was born. Sad thing is I don't remember to many of these smiles growing up.
On another note a good note. Eric and I are renewing our vows as you know and it is only two days away!!! Everything is coming along wonderful. I am going to finish up the flowers today if Eric remembers to bring the duck tape home. Yes I said duck tape, remember it's redneck style lol We are even having black punch I am hoping to make it look like dirt lol I am excited as well Nancy S. has told me she is coming and we will finally get to meet. I will be sure to get pictures of her as well. Even drinking the black punch lol.
Even though the wedding is going to be fun redneck style we are going to have serious part of it as well. I even see some tears coming. Not only from me and Eric but by our adopted parents. If not just them everyone in the building. Well enough rambling thank you all for your support times like today makes having friends like you all so much easier.
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Comments: 47
Thank you for the advice though.
Vivian I think the world of you too. You have helped me a lot in ways you don't even know.
Oh,oh,oh I hope you're getting the Duck brand Duct Tape....it comes in SOOO many pretty colors right now. They hold a contest for prom every year (duct taped dresses and suits), so I've seen about 20 different colors....some are so pretty.
It's hard place to be put in, especially because it is your mother, at the same time you are a strong wonderful person and maybe now is the time to try and move on with your life, even if that means leaving someone you hold dear to your heart behind.
It's always a hard situation, but whatever you decide to do, will be the best in your interest. If you are worried about not contacting her on her birthday, then I would suggest what many people have. Sending a card with no return address.
{{{HUGS}}} I will thinkin about you today and hoping that you can find a way to keep your spirits lifted and not let your mother bring you down.
Every couple of years she still tries to talk to her mom and it's always the same. I understand the need but it's so hard to watch her get hurt time and time again.
Don't worry, I'll be there. Wouldn't miss it for the world.
It is hard, but you need to let her go. This is how she is, let her go. We all, those of us who were abused, blame ourselves and want that "Norman Rockwell" family and it is just not there for us. It takes a lot to accept that, it just isn't going to happen.
My parents drank and awful things happened. I loved my parents but struggled with how they could do the things they did. There are no answers.
All you can do is what you have been doing...trying to make a difference for others.
Her behavior is rejection and that hurts, but don't spin in circles emotionally to figure it out. She has messed up, not you.
lol @ Nancy I will see to it I get you drinking it too. Can't wait to see you.
Heather you don't know this but you are one of the people on here that your words have touched me in so many ways. You as well as Roger Kiser seem to say just the right things at the right moments. Thank you
Duct tape rules...
Angel
My thoughts and prayers are always with you.
Then years later she tried to stir up trouble for me with my employer and try to get me to divorce my husband. For years I tried to keep contact with my family, my grandmother who I loved dearly. After years of abuse, I finally had to cut the ties and move without telling anyone where I was going. I wonder about my family sometimes...my grandmother passed two years ago and I was never able to attend the funeral....I wish I knew how they were doing, but for fear of loosing my son to my deranged mother, I keep my distance. I try to remember the good times with my family and forget the negative abusive parts. I also am trying to make the best from our growing family that is ours.
AND HEY I AM A REDNECK LOL
DUCT TAPE FIXES EVERYTHING LOL
Thanks for commenting on my post last night, I am here to return the favor!
Gave you a 10 and a hug.
Helping Hands,