ED DOUD IS VOLCANIC! EXPLODES ON OPRAH!

I can hear the wonder in your collective voices as you ask, "Who the hell is Ed Doud and why should I care?"

As part of my ongoing SEO experiment and burgeoning reputation as an intrepid newhound,  it is incumbent upon me to enlighten those of you who are lagging behind in your unquenchable thirst for celebrity information.  To wit: Ed Doud is not, as I originally surmised, the latest serial killer.  Indeed, he is quite the opposite.  He's a serial grandpa!  He is, in fact, the put-upon sire of octomom Nadya Suleman.  (I don't know why they don't have the same surname).

Mr. Doud appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show yesterday to defend his daughter's ill-conceived responses in her first interview with NBC's Ann Curry.  He claimed that Nadya was "under duress" because the interview came so soon (approximately two weeks) after the most exploited multiple birth since the Dionne quintuplets.  He insisted that his daughter's claim that her childhood was "dysfunctional" was untrue and that he and her mother spoiled little Nadya, giving her everything she wanted, with the possible exception of siblings.  "I think it was because she was an only child or something", he mused.  "She had plenty of love!"

And now she has plenty of children.  And a nose job.  And a lip job.  And an outstretched hand.  (It has been reported that she received upward of $300K for the Curry interview).  Among other things, Mr. Doud suggested that Oprah might provide a therapist for his obviously unbalanced offspring.  Dr. Mehmet Oz, Oprah's staff medic, concurred that the woman needs help, although not as much as many of the fourteen little Sulemans will doubtless require.  Various ailments, including developmental delays, cerebral palsy and similar disorders common to premature children are expected to become evident as the babies mature.

Meantime, the grandparents have declared bankruptcy, the family is living on food stamps and nobody knows where the next diaper is coming from.  Or the next facelift.