NEWS FLASH! Congressional Republicans Announce Phase II of their Economic Crisis Response Strategy [Satire]

This just in... congressional Republicans have announced Phase II of their strategy in response to the current economic crisis. (You know... the one that they themselves had ABSOLUTELY NO ROLE IN CREATING because they were busy doing "other stuff" for the last 8 years... so, it's not their fault! Really! See?)

The details of Phase II are still vague, but apparently will require an expansion of the joint chambers to provide the Republican's with a conferencing area that is still further away from the center aisle than is accommodated by the current chamber configuration. The new extension area will also be heavily insulated from any contact with the outside (read: REAL) world so as to ensure complete isolation from the nagging events that are unfolding moment-by-moment among the constituency.

In preparation for a truly serious crisis (which is, essentially, the current crisis, but renamed after a sufficient period of time to allow blaming it entirely on the Democrats), individual cubbyholes will be included in the extension space, affording a nearly instantaneous retreat for those Republicans who are confronted with the consequences of their own policy positions over the past decade.

As a final feature of Phase II, each member of the Republican congressional team will receive intensive instruction in the practice of UULATING, which is a time-tested method for shutting down any invasive information from the external world that doesn't match one's pre-existing ideological viewpoint. Members will receive instruction in both individual uulation (occurring within the protective confines of their cubbyhole) and collective uulation, (practiced in the large group chamber.)

^{A Team of "New Innovation Specialists" called in to assist with development of the Republican Economic Crisis Response Strategy}

[Editor's Note:  Anonymous sources state that the Uulation & Cubbyhole features of the plan were insisted upon by those Republican's who won't be fortunate enough to retire gracefully in the 2010 elections.]