A boring, and WONDERFUL afternoon.

Many of my Gather friends may know that I have children.  What they may not know is that I have three children.  Two of those children (the two oldest) are sons, and they are both attending college.  One is attending locally and, in an effort to save money, has moved back to our family home (though no longer my home.)  My other son attends college in a community located nearby (at least, it's a driveable-distance from here.)  I'm quite sure he is enjoying his home-away-from-home very much.  (He hasn't come home at all since leaving for the new semester... spring break begins this weekend, so he will be home then.)

My sons

And then there is my daughter.  She is still in high school, and, yes, she is my princess.  She would be horrified to read this description of her, as would any teenage daughter hearing her father describe her thusly.

My daughter (center) and her friends

So this is my point.  I spent this afternoon with my daughter, doing essentially nothing!  And yet, we had a wonderful time!   She was off of school today (and yesterday, which I didn't know about) and she called this morning to see if I wanted to "do something" this afternoon.   I told her "yes, definitely!" but explained that I needed to help a friend move furniture back onto their newly laid carpet.

"That's okay, dad"  she replied, "we can do something this afternoon.  What do you want to do?"

This is a deadly question.  I know this because, as a one-time husband, I was lousy at coming up with suitable responses to that question.  As a father, I'm probably not much better.

So I gave the obvious (and standard) reply, "I dunno, what would you like to do, sweetie?"

I could hear her eyes rolling at my response, but she said, "Well, we can come up with something!"  (She's a trooper, I'll give her that!)

So, we agreed that I would call when I was done with the furniture moving, and then we would venture out for the afternoon.  I helped my friend with the furniture and, shortly thereafter, I met my daughter at the house at about 2 p.m.

She was clearly enjoying her day off.  "I'm still in my pajamas, dad.  Give me a couple minutes!"  she called from upstairs.

I made a mental note of what her mother might have said if she knew that Britta were still in her pajamas at 2 p.m., and I determined that I would NOT make the same mistake.  After all, what better way for a teenager to spend a day-off from school!  She would have far too few such days once she became a "grown-up."  And besides, she works a part-time job, she gets excellent grades... she's all I could ask for in a child.

As I waited, I read the paper for a few minutes, and reflected on the fact that it has been six months since Griffey, our golden retriever, died.  (I do this every time I go to the house, by the way.  His sweet face would always peek out of the family room window to greet me when I pull into the driveway, and to this day I still look for him there when I go to the house.  Perhaps in another year or so I'll accept the fact the he's not going to do that anymore.)

Then Britta was ready.  We headed out, and the conversation began anew.

Inquiry: "So, where do you want to go?"

Reply: "Oh, I dunno."  Finally I mustered up a thought that I had filed away in the cobwebs over the past few weeks.

"I know!  Let's go check out Trader Joe's!" I'd been wanting to do this since they opened some time ago in one of the adjacent suburbs, but hadn't gotten around to it yet.

Now, imagine the following: You're a teenage girl, with a boyfriend (yes, I couldn't prevent it, despite my best efforts!) and your father suggests a wild and crazy afternoon of... going to a grocery store!

Exactly.  You would probably... most likely, in fact... rather sit through a root canal than go to a grocery store with your father.  But my daughter just went with the idea.

"Okay!  Let's do that!"  she said.

Off we went, driving the 10 miles or so to the wonderful, amazing grocery store (?) that I had suggested as our destination.  There was one small glitch, however.  I don't actually know the specific location of Trader Joe's.  I know the suburb in which it is located.  Better yet, I had a vague idea of the general area in which the store is situated.  Unfortunately, said suburb is, and has been, the fastest growing community in the state for most of the past 15 years.  There are now many many many! commercial centers where previously there had been farm fields and vacant lots.  When I did transportation planning studies in this area a short ten years ago, I knew each and every development, (and <i>yaaawwwwnnnn</i> how many vehicle trips it generated on a typical day, and even where those vehicle trips tended to originate from or are destined to) in the area.

Now I was overwhelmed by the change in the area!  I didn't recognize anything!  Had it really been that long?  Answer: Yes!   I looked over at my daughter, who was still being a trooper.  I considered my options: a) tell her the truth, and admit that I was clueless as to where we needed to go; or b) continue to drive randomly and aimlessly for the balance of the afternoon, discovering entirely new areas in which I had no idea what had occurred developmentally in the past ten years!

I chose option "a"... we needed to do the unthinkable!  "Britta" I said, "we need to CALL YOUR MOTHER!"  Even as I spoke those words, my ears couldn't believe what my mouth was saying!  Britta recognized the significance of the moment, but she pretended that it was a casual request.  After all, since when have men had difficulty asking for directions?  Especially from their former spouse!?!

Britta made the call.  Apparently, (and this is just so so typical of her mother!) the directions that my ex-spouse provided required that we backtrack about 5 miles to the place we had been much earlier in our random search!  I don't know how she did it, but she (Britta's mother) managed to mentally elicit our phone call ONLY after I had spent 20 or 30 minutes driving in randomly erroneous search patterns!  (My erstwhile spouse is nothing NOTHING! if not cunning and clever!)

Britta looked at me.  She didn't judge.  She is too sweet and kind for that.  She simply repeated the parameters that would lead us to our destination.  I drove, and (with just one small mis-step when Britta thought I should go one light further on, but I, knowing best, thought that we should turn HERE! instead!) we eventually found Trader Joes.  (Of course, we would have found it 5 minutes sooner if I had simply turned one light later, as Britta had suggested.  But we won't talk about that, okay?  OKAY!?!)

We parked and went into the store.  My erstwhile spouse can easily spend 30 or 45 minutes in such a place.  I was ready to leave after about 10 minutes.  However, because I'm such a sensitive and caring guy, I found other things to pretend to be interested in for another 10 minutes or so.  (FYI: I can highly recommend the "Blue Moon" medium dark roast coffee.  They had free samples.)  I soon realized that Britta was trying as hard to remain "interested" as I was.  I bought a box of blueberry/pomegranite cereal, and two jars of bruschetta, and we were out of there.

Back outside, the afternoon sun was shining brightly.  We're coming out of recent cold spell which kept temperatures in the teens for highs, and single digits for lows.  Today, in contrast, we were enjoying a warm afternoon in the 30's, potentially even into the 40's!  Britta and I pondered our next adventure.

"Let's go to the coffee shop!"  I suggested.  (This was no surprise.  I ALWAYS want to go to the coffee shop!)  Since Britta works part-time at a coffee shop, I can understand that this isn't her idea of great fun, but it is something to give a chance to ponder our options for the next hour or two before she needs to be home.

On the drive back to our own suburb, Britta says "It's such a beautiful day!  Let's get our coffee drinks and take them somewhere that we can walk outside."

"Excellent idea!" says I.  There are two things that I will always be up for: a) time with one or more of my children, and b) coffee.   Those two things together, combined with nature, are pretty much unbeatable!  We walked around a paved dry pathway behind the local library, sitting and chatting about things along the way.  So simple, yet so nice.

So here is the point of all this:  I spent the afternoon with my wonderful daughter, who has many many reasons to consider her father to have been less than perfect, and yet she was an absolute joy to be with.  Seriously, how many teenage girls would spend an afternoon like this on a day-off from school, and be more than okay with it.  She actually made me feel like she had a great time!  And I KNOW that I did!  How awesome is that!

I'm a very lucky man.  Cherish your loved ones, they're worth every ounce of love and attention we can muster "in the moment."  I promise.