Jolie and Aniston set for Smackdown at the Oscars!

From what I read on the tabloid sites, Angelina and Jennifer (I use their first names because we're all such close friends) will be meeting for the first time since the former "stole" the latter's husband back in 2005, during the filming of the super flop Mr. and Mrs. Smith.  Both actresses are expected to appear on the Famous Red Carpet in my back bedroom, where they either will or will not face off in a mad grab for publicity.

Evidently, fans (anyone who has heard either of their names) are taking sides.  Angie lookalike and baby boombox Nadya Suleman is of course backing her lip-twin, while Ross is naturally cheering for Rachel, although they are still supposedly "on a break".  Needless to say, the whole world is holding its collective breath in deeply bored antipathy, awaiting the outcome of the confrontation between the two not-quite ingénues.

It is rumored that Jolie will be wearing Vera Wang in lieu of a gown.  Ms. Wang refuses to comment.  Aniston will be draped on her new boyfriend who hasn't stopped commenting for weeks.  Somebody weird is hosting the show.

Somebody, please let me know who wins.  I'll be taking a nap.