We've been going full steam on a number of meaty issues. Many of us are either gearing up or in the throes of marketing. Some of us are in retreat licking wounds getting ready to start the process of sending queries, again.
Now I'm sure I'm the only one (NOT) who, at times, feels insecure. Is my writing any good? Really, who am I to think I can sell books?
Make a list of reasons I'm not worthy.. chew on it for awhile. And then my stories start talking to me again. Blasted characters.
What do you do to pull out of this self-defeating mode?
Push through or do you have affirmations?
Do you take up a weakness to work on? Or tell yourself to stop being silly.. or a combination.
The Hicken and Spleen is open for business. The fire is raging and a pot of stew is on the stove. Fresh bread will be ready in a minute.
rate
email
print
link to this page
Comments: 304
The decision I made was: not to tear myself down. I'm going to let the market drive the stake into my heart, I'm not going to do it to myself. I'll make the stuff as good as I can and get it out into the cold world. If it sucks, it sucks, poor me. But, damn it, I'm going down swinging for the fence. I don't think there is any other way. You have to put your heart on a plate and place it in front of slavering jackals. Crap, can I slide in any more goofball analogies? Oh my. You guys know what I'm saying.
Then I get back to writing. Because nothing's going to make me better if I don't practice the craft.
I want this so much that I am willing to suffer my own doubts and insecurities. I guess I just keep slogging away.
Even published authors have them. I've talked to some that have 5 or 6 books published and convinced the newest proposal they're submitting to their editor is drek. I'm thinking wtf, you have HOW many books published? So it really doesn't matter where you are on the writing scale, doubts come with the territory--probably because what we write is a part of us, we give birth to it. Our feelings are attached.
Ken, I agree. You give it the best you can at the given moment. You can't do better than that at that moment.
I like that, Judi. Getting better comes with the doing. I had another author tell me she also kept her reviews handy too, as a reminder that she can do it and well. When Doubts bite you on the ass, yank them out as a reminder.
I hear you there. I want it badly too. Enough to do whatever I have to do to get it. Go through 15 critiques of close but no banana, yup. Suffer through rejections? Damn straight. Take a deep breath, roll up the sleeves, tell myself, "I CAN do this," and do it again and again until I get it right. I've got a goal. I can visualize achieving it, I have the guts and determination to get it. What else can you do? Give up? Not my style.
Other than that, no, I have no insecurities. Just a twitch. lol
And when we know we've given it everything, when we've opened veins and poured it on the page, and buffed and polished and chisled those words to a gleaming razor's edge, and it STILL gets rejected? To put it in the venacular of my characters, "to the devil with 'em!" (My own venacular is a bit saltier, likely why I like the heroine in my latest WIP better than my first heroine. She sounds much more like me!)
I have a new blog article up with author Susan Gable. She's published 5 books so far and is releasing her latest on 2/10/09 and her subject? Which fits into our discussion here, Slaying Doubt Demons. She makes some interesting points about doubts.
Slaying Doubt Demons
Lisa, safe journey. Learn something new. Meet someone unforgetable. Leave something of yourself in China.
Insecure? Of course. Who doesn't have those moments? Thank God that they pass relatively quickly. But words and their crafting is something I do. And well. If I didn't think so, I wouldn't spend hours every night playing with characters and imagining drama for them.
Can I be better? Lord knows I can. Have I arrived? No. But once I arrive someplace, I'll need to go to the next plateau anyway.
Yes, I've thought, Who am I kidding? But I've also thought, This is damned good. My writing is like a child who constantly surprises me. Sometimes by the awkward presentation and the strange clothes it insists on wearing in public. Other times by the beautiful sentiments it spouts. How can I not love my children? How can I not help them be the best they can possibly be? Do I compare them to the children of others? Not aloud, though I lament their weaknesses in my own mind. I try to not compare them even to one another. Each has strengths all its own. Each is meant for a different destiny.
So, yes. Insecurity is no stranger. But he's no friend either. I don't allow him to live with me or influence my babies. As far as he's concerned, he is a spur to better creating, nothing else.
Staring at headlights like a deer
Shove me quickly out of harm
Or a cheeseburger might do the charm
But for other times i stick him over there
To sit on his prodigious derriere
While away the hours without insecurities influence
So my ability and ideas reach a confluence
Put those words so precious to life
Think of new worlds without a doubter's strife
And Sia, my dear, thank you for liking my voice. It still unnerves me. Much like believing whole-heartedly, for all one's life, that one is tone deaf, then finally attempting to sing, only to discover that one is a not half bad contralto!
And, Ken, remember, suckitude (as we call it in my local writing group) is relative. Almost every sentence I writes sucks compared to say, John Updike, but that doesn't mean a lot of people enjoy reading it.
It's past my bedtime. I'm sure that made absolutely no sense.
I know who to trust and I know who not to. This ain't my first rodeo.
I think that sometimes, it's not the story or even the talent, it's timing, that gets one published. Filters, such as agents, are no guarantee either. There are many talented writers, many talented singers or artist that don't get published or acknowledge. Timing is sometimes the deciding factor. Look at how often the author of Harry Potter was rejected. Did it mean she didn't have talent? No. but the timing wasn't right with the premise, in my opinion.
I also think that self doubts, which we all have, helps as a spur to make us the best we can be. We can recognize when our writing is good. Can it be improved? pffft, of course it can. Room for improvement has to be one of the largest rooms in existence.
One of my favorite sayings is, "Opportunity dances with those already on the dance floor."
It's a tough business, I will agree with that.
Uh, I had something else I was gonna say...I forget...
Cockiness is never good, this is true. However, neither is false modesty. As writers perfecting our craft, we have to be able to recognize good and bad writing--both in our own and others pieces. Artists, whatever the medium we use to express our creativity, have to recognize when they've done well. A strong believe in their ability to perform their art well. to constantly challenge themselves to be better. Some times that belief is stated firmly and can be taken as bragging...but how can it be if they are successful?
Oh my, it's late and 6 comes way too early, blech. I'm going to pack it in. I've got a bunch of editing to finish and some other stuff to write.
If y'all get the chance, stop by my blog and read the article written by Susan Gable. She cracks me up.
Sleep well and Good dreams....
G'night.
Because if I'm honest, dollar signs are very important to me personally. I'm not talking a lot of dollar signs, mind you, but someday, in my fantasy life anyway, I'd love to make enough to make writing fiction my real "job." (Pause for laughter here...)
And for me, that has to be a certain number of dollars -- enough to pay my mortgage, buy groceries, and purchase the other things my family needs to survive. I'm the primary breadwinner, so it's not like I can say that writing fiction is my "job" until I have the earnings to back it up.
And I do love writing. It's not that. But with my day job, a family, and the other thousand things we all have, it's so incredibly hard to find the time to write. Almost all of my writing takes place in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping.
Today, I have to choose -- write or sleep? Why not want both? But for that to happen, I'll need dollars. Is that so bad?
I suspect that if I were in a different phase of my life, I might write purely for the love of it. But time is pretty scarce right now, so love just isn't enough (at least not enough to complete long works of fiction).
I'd never look down on anyone who writes for the simple love of it. But I don't like the idea that I'm less of a writer because it's not just love that keeps me going.
Do I sound crass? Probably.
And now to whiiiiiiiine about Monday. It's very windy and rainy out there. My hair looks like someone's microwaved poodle. Whyyyyyyyy does Monday exist?
So Tuesday can.
Plus, for most of those years, I've been a ghostwriter of sorts, meaning that someone else's name goes on what I write. Between the lack of public credit for what I write, and the constant need to justify my salary, it's been pretty demoralizing at times. Thankfully, I'm in a better place professionally now.
But back to the dollars, and people who are ONLY in it for the money. All very true!
And I think that one sign a person is "only in it for the money" is if they're not a reader and/or have never been a reader. I'm amazed at the number of people who think they're going to write the next best-seller, but have no use for fiction, unless it's written by them. And sadly, these are some of the people with the lowest odds of success, because it does show that (1) They're only in it for the money, and (2) They haven't laid the groundwork to become writers themselves.
Oh thou day most foul and wretched
My nerves you have long outstretched
Why do you make the rounds ere weekly
Make me go out to see the world so meekly
I think you must take from us certain delight
To wake us with morning's garish light
Oh heaven help me I'm out of my elixirs
Caffeine, most wonderful of daily fixers
I'll close the shades. yes that's what I'll do
To shut out Monday's zoo
Heh.
I'm sure Sy can comment on this as well, but I'll tell you. If you took my advance and divided it by the numbers of hours for one book, not the three it was for, but for one... well, let's just say that I'm writing because I love it, not for the money.
But the money is paying for the promo. Not a vacation. Or bills. Promo. It's going back into the business.
The idea was, for money I'd follow a career path into a crappy mangement job, for fame I'd stick with the engineering career track. At the time, it was a question that threw me for a loop.
I'm sure you're wondering how this came out. I quit soon after he was fired. Ha!
Okay, that was cheap shot. I bounced off management twice and stuck with engineering which worked out fine for me.
I guess the difference between me and others on this thread is that I've spent most of my career writing for money. Yup, I've sold out long ago. Hah!
To me, writing HAS been the equivalent of Jamie's teaching, or Ken's electrical engineering, or Pat's project management. Writing is where I earned my college degree (Journalism/English). Writing is what I've done to make my car payments, house payments, buy groceries, etc. It HAS been my career.
And in fact, until last year, when I left the field entirely, writing has been the ONLY professional way I've made money. (I say "professional" to distinguish my writing jobs from the years I waited tables to pay for my college education.)
So to me, writing has always been a job -- a job I've loved at times, and a job I've hated at times. But a job nonetheless. My current job (as a technical analyst) is the exception, not the rule.
That being said, I don't think a writing background (or a Journalism/English degree for that matter) is the most important ingredient in writing fiction. And in truth, I think it can hurt it. Because it's those other experiences -- those experiences in teaching, engineering, project management, or other adventures that give us fodder for story-telling. A balance is so important.
So, do I write fiction purely for money? No. But I AM definitely financially inclined where writing is concerned -- maybe because writing has almost always been the thing that paid my bills. I'd just like to do a DIFFERENT kind of writing for money. Sadly, there are some pretty long odds of making money at that different thing (fiction) -- but it's still my ultimate goal.
In my dream life, I do what I love AND get paid. Of course, in my dream life, I'm also much better looking.
I also agree with everyone else, that money can't be your only motivation. This business is way too hard to break into and make a living at and moves so slowly. People who want a quick buck are looking in the wrong place.
To answer the question: I'm more afraid of success than failure. I just can't handle hordes of adoring fans. If I ever sell a novel, I'll probably be more like J.D. Salinger than, say, Norman Mailer, when it comes to self-promotion.
Laid-back recession for California
Tied up all weekend with taxes, college financial apps and the like, plus a couple of family things. We're gearing up for the Carolina trip this coming Saturday.
I'll read up-thread when I get the chance. Have a good Monday, wombats!
Sherrie if I could've made a living at writing (any writing) I would have been in heaven. There is nothing to defend. Why is it people think writing is so easy? Not really work? blissful ignorance.
I was the kid who loved essay exams. My friends thought I was nutz. Maybe they were correct. grin
I don't know about any of you, but I'm feeling better. Outside pressures don't bother me as much as the internal ones. I should be, I should do..... clogs me up every time.
So I figured I'd talk about it, and listening to y'all has helped heaps.
Beaker, 8 inches of snow and no power? blank stare. That is no way to start any day. Let's hope it melts quickly and the power stays on. Does anyone still have an old bang typewriter? No power equals no writing.. OMG!
Off to follow links. The kitchen is open and taking sandwich orders for lunch. Rootbeer on the house.
But Sherrie, you quit your day job already. True, you found another. What's my point? I don't know. I just like damaging dead animals, I guess. Fetal pigs, horses, whatever.
Infusion of caffiene for me, plx. Thx, Wendy.
Oh, that's cereal.
Never mind. (channelling Emily Littella)
And Beaker, you already have hordes of adoring fans - US!
And Gina, Dana, Wendy (and anyone else I might've missed) -- I appreciate your thoughts and validation on the whole money thing. Obviously, I feel strongly about this issue, as the footprint-laden horse will attest.
I see we have some comments from Travast Tee. Who joined Gather yesterday. Hello Mr. Tee. For some reason the tone of your writing reminds me of someone. He, like you, had a strange idea of the meaning of the term New York, as if it signified the embodiment of serious publishing, instead of being a large and diverse metropolis, home to many types of cultures, businesses and people, including this humble correspondant. Whether you are in fact the same person or not, we can only hope that your continued presence among us, (if we are so fortunate as to merit such an honor) will be pleasant and mutually enjoyable, a situation that was not always the case concerning he to whom I refer.
(Yes, I HAVE been reading PG Wodehouse, why do you ask?)
Cathy
Hang on, let me borrow the ear of that horse for moment Sherrie. It's not selling out when you use your writing skills to make a living. You've had lots of practice. Fiction will come along when the time is right for you. You know how to write to deadline, how to do edits, how to schedule your self. I've done quite a bit of writing to deadlines, I know it isn't always easy.
Jamie, I like Mondays. No work. empty house. Quiet. Nice. We're expecting thunderstorms today. god knows we have strong winds blowing. But I can't complain about the temps today, or the last few days, 60 ish...very nice change.
Wanda, thanks for stopping by my blog. She wrote a good article, didn't she?
I've been paid for writing (all the junk necessary for a small software company including tech manuals and help files). But that was for someone else. I loved doing it, would do it again, but it wasn't the same as writing fiction. In a novel, I create the idea and characters and setting and the world. The sense of satisfaction is many times greater since I get to pick the project.
Time for lunch. And a bank run. Catch y'all later.
And if you haven't visited the Valentine offerings, you're missing some great writing there.
A tip of the coffee cup to Cathy...
Dana, "It's called art and it keeps people sane in what is pretty much a soulless world." well said. The arts don't normally pay alot except for a few chosen ones...
Adina, I agree, you have find the joy in it. Like what you're creating. It has to satisfy the inner soul too. Not at all weird.
I will say that I've been poor and experienced something like the opposite. I prefer the latter. By far. So, Sherrie gets no argument from me. No, ma'am.
Okay. If anybody else wants to come with me, this moment will be the moment of something real, and FUN, and inspiring in this god-forsaken business, and we will do it together. Who's comin' with me? Who's coming with me? Who's coming with me besides "Flipper," here?
- Jerry McGuire
Lab's done early, by the way. That would not be due to my exceptional teaching skills, other than being able to keep a large group of late-teen and twenty-somethings on task.
Grade papers? What papers? That stack, you say? Oh, all right. Fine.
*kicks horse because it's Monday and it doesn't kick back
A pay check is pretty terrific, but not the best indicator of success. Happiness, respect and friendship are my indicators.
Sia, I love my new job, am learning and becoming more comfortable with it every day. Today is the last day of my 4 day weekend. My sister was here from DC until yesterday, we had the most marvelous time.
Jaaaamieeee! I'm craving another chapter about my favorite rebellious couple.
Since I'm the one who apparently got that poor horse in the kettle to begin with, are mea culpas in order? I'll likely do it all wrong. Perhaps I should have put the emphasis on fiction writing (although some of my software proposals look pretty fictional!) Like Sherrie and Beth and Sia and Cathy (I think Cathy's in there), I've done tons of writing (for money) over the years. Tech specs and training manuals and such. And got paid for it. But even the two years I actually had the title of Tech Writer, I never considered my self a "writer". "Writer" to me is one of those magical creatures who gets paid for being creative (like dancer, or fencer, or imaginative teacher, or mom-stuck-at-home-on-a-rainy-day-with-kids kind of creativee). Or ghost writing, which sucks, because EVERYONE deserves to get the credit for their creations!
No power meant no internet, and no morning news (radio or tv). I guess if I had to I could boil water for coffee on the woodstove.
The sun has just come out, and I can hear snow falling from trees like thunder in the distance.