Why Does Sex Sell? (Images and music)

Why Does Sex Sell?

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Last Tango in Paris - Herb Alpert

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Last Tango in Paris - Herb Alpert

Two hot bodies engaged in lustful rapture, dripping with sweat, pulsating and churning, throwing care and caution to the wind to engage in blissful delight.  Why does sex sell?  Because it's easy.  Gratuitous sex doesn't really take any work.  It doesn't take that much thought.  Believe me, there are men and women who have their lines and promises memorized, most of which mean absolutely nothing.  Their lines mean nothing but an interlude to a hot discussion or a brief physical encounter.  Add the "R" word or the "C" word and things suddenly change, especially if you use BOTH the "R" word AND the "C" word.  People are too busy having their fun to be bothered with either of those.  They don't want to put in any work for a relationship and God forbid someone ask them to be committed to the relationship.  You MIGHT get them into a brief relationship, but a commitment?

"What? C-c-c-c-commitment?" you might hear them ask just before they scurry off into the darkness.  They don't want that.  They just want to have a good time and not have to worry about putting themselves out to consider their partner's needs.  "Oh, I can't be bothered with that.  I'm here to have a good time before I die.  I want this.  I want that.  I want it all."

Sorry to burst your bubble, folks, but life doesn't work that way.  It takes another word that seems to make people shudder these days... the "E" word.

What is the "E" word?  Effort.  Things don't often magically appear out of the sky.  It's not something to be relied on or even considered when you are setting forth to do something worthwhile.  "Ewwww, but what's worthwhile about a relationship or *shudder* commitment?" you might hear them ask.

There are many things worthwhile about both a relationship and commitment.  Interpersonal relationships are necessary for a good on-the-job experience.  How much more are they necessary in the home?  Commitment is even more important to the success of any venture, be it job related or personal.

When you have two people who are in a relationship, there are many things to consider.  There is usually the possibility of children occurring in the relationship, if one or both partners don't already have children.  These children need to be cared for, given a loving environment in which to grow, be taught values and the difference between right and wrong, provided with an education, and given standards by which they can live a good and useful life.  Enter the "C" and "E" words.

Raising children is not always fun and easy.  There are many things to consider.  There isn't always going to be time for the sex that you thought you were going to have with your mate.  There won't be a whole lot of "alone time" with your mate when children are involved.  It takes effort and commitment to make a relationship continue to work between the time the children are born and the time they leave the house and get on their own.  You need to spend time with the children, answering their questions, taking them to parks and to the beach, taking them camping and teaching them how to do different things.  It means making a little extra effort to make your partner feel wanted as well.

"What?  What about those candlelight dinners we were going to have?  What about the romance?  How can we have romance with children present?"

It's really not that difficult.  You don't quit being romantic when the children are present.  Children seeing their parents being affectionate is a good thing.  It builds healthy relationships.  It builds a sense of love and security in their hearts.  When children know that their parents, whether they be their real parents or parent and step-parents, the children are much more comfortable and secure.  When all they see is pretense in front of them and hear arguing in the bedroom, it darkens their hearts.  It makes them feel that expression of emotion is a bad thing.  It makes them feel that putting on false fronts is the "right and proper" thing to do.  All it does is create liars.

You can still have candlelight dinners.  You might have children at the table during them, but it's a good time to teach them about etiquette.  You can get them to help you set the table and teach them how to light the candles if they're old enough.  Be sure that you instruct them well on the dangers of fire first, though, and let them know that candles are not toys to be played with.  You might hear a few giggles when you and your partner are speaking passionately, but that should bring a smile to your face and you should just give them a wink.  After dinner, you have them help you bring the plates to the kitchen, if they're old enough, and even teach them how to help you load the dishwasher.  Believe it or not, young kids like to help.  They're learning things that way.  Yes, they may do it wrong at first and you might have to do it over, but if you correct them kindly and show them how to do it the right way, it was well worth the "E" word.  You can then, on those special nights, send them to bed early, perhaps with some soft music to lull them to sleep or one of their favorite movies on a television if they have one in their room.  They need to be made to understand that this is going to be mom and dad's "alone time" and they are only to disturb them in the event of an emergency.  Of course, you have to keep your ears open for a real cry or loud noise just in case, but you don't have to let it distract you too much from your evening of pleasure.  If the children are very young, you have to listen a little more carefully, but as they grow, you learn to distinguish between real cries and attention cries.  Of course, some over-protective mothers never learn this and their relationship with their mate suffers.  Oh, mothers and fathers... one more thing.  Your children are NOT more important than their children.  All the children deserve the same consideration, time, and treatment.  Sometimes, you just have to break down and find a babysitter.

As the children get older and start leaving the nest, there is going to be anxiety for a while.  Everything changes and, if you haven't been working toward the event with your partner and making plans for when this occurs, you are basically stuck with a stranger.  At this point, many relationships break up and the two who spent so many years together have just thrown all their effort to the wind.  Does that really make sense?  Instead of looking for new thrills in the arms of another, why not look at the new things you and your mate can do together?  You can go places you weren't able to go before.  You can do things that you used to have to wait for the children to go to bed to do.  Shoot, you can just knock everything off the kitchen table and have at it if you want to.  You can do it on the counters or on the washing machine during the spin cycle.  You can go out to restaurants without reminding the kids to mind their manners.  You can get together with friends and not have to worry about what you say in front of the children.  It can be a whole new time of re-discovery.

There is another thing about relationships and commitment.  Your mate isn't always going to look the same as they did when you met them.  Both men and women go through physical changes in life.  If you're looking at the external, besides being a shallow ass, you're missing the whole point of the relationship.  If you really fell in love with the person you got together with and didn't just fall in lust, there were qualities you admired in them.  If you were working together throughout your relationship, you usually appreciate that the other mate has your back.  It's not co-dependence.  It's working together toward something beautiful.  It's not what's beautiful to they eyes that matters, but what's beautiful to the heart.  It's the feeling of loyalty and security that comes with knowing that no matter how hard things get, that person is always going to be there for you as long as they live.  It's not the material riches that provide security, but the love and trust you've built during your relationship.  Even if they stray for a bit, though it may cause hurt feelings, it can be overlooked from time to time if you know they are coming back.  That's where the importance of honest communication comes in, especially during the age where one of the partners is going through a mid-life crisis.

"I'll NEVER forgive him (or her)," the offended one might say, but if they don't, they've thrown away all the time they've put in together.  If it's a substantial amount of time, that might not be such a wise attitude to take.  Talk about the things you've built together.  Talk about the dreams you have.  Talk about growing old together and still holding them in your arms.  Don't hide the pain they've caused you, but talk about why it hurts.  Listen honestly to why they felt they had to stray.  Perhaps there's something you need to change in your life, perhaps there isn't.  Sometimes people just get to feeling that they're never going to accomplish what they thought they were going to, feel unattractive to their mate, panic, and run out and do something stupid.  Hey, it happens.  I've seen it many times.  I even almost experienced it once myself.  I just happened to have the control not to let it go farther than a hot kiss even though my body was telling me to jump her bones.

So, that's not as easy as casual sex, is it?  If you think about all the implications and possibilities of disease, betrayal, hurt, pain, and possibly even the loss of the things you've worked hard for, though, casual sex doesn't sound quite so attractive, does it?  It's sure not like having someone there to comfort you or for you to comfort when you're down.  It's nothing compared to the beautiful things you can learn from your kids and the beautiful experiences you've had raising them.  It doesn't compare to the laughs you have over the hard times you had in the past.  Sex may sell, but what are they selling you?

Love, Hope, Peace, & Christ Is With Us All,

Cal-el


Copyright © 2009 Cal Jennings