Favor Bestowed: What It Means to Be/Have a Woman of Favor

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains FAVORfrom the Lord."---Proverbs 18:22 (NKJV)

"You only require two things in life: your sanity and your wife."---Tony Blair

Favor: something done or granted out of goodwill, rather than from justice or for remuneration; a kind act; the state of being approved or held in regard; excessive kindness or unfair partiality; preferential treatment; friendly or favorable regard; approval or support; a privilege or concession; advantage; benefit; to be partial to; indulge a liking for; to be or tend to be in support of; to make easier or more possible; facilitate

Synonyms: accommodation, AID, assistance, BACKING, benefit, benevolence, BLESSING, consideration, cooperation, courtesy, encouragement, ESTEEM, friendliness, goodwill, partiality, present, regard, RESPECT, support

You know, at first I thought this message was gonna be just for single women. THEN, I thought it would be for single and married women. But, the more that I have prayed over it, I think it's for ALL PEOPLE---single or married...male or female. One of the main reasons is because I think a lot of us cannot appreciate something until we understand it's true purpose. (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

And, a WIFE would be one of those things.

For single women, I will tell you something that the Holy Spirit (John 14:26) told me just a couple of days ago. You know how we can tend to be really dramatic when the subject of our future mate, comes up, right?

"Lord, where is heeeeee? When will he cooooooome?"

The other day, it was so funny the immediate response I got.

How about you make up your bed and wash those clothes that you said you were going to three days ago? We'll talk about it while you're ON TASK.

ON TASK....on assignment...following as the Lord directs...in the NOW. (Proverbs 3:6)

Oh how easily we can be brought down to earth with just the simple things in life. I have been preaching for months now that since he who finds a wife finds a good thing, then that must mean that SHE needs to be a WIFE when he gets there.

Wife: bride, companion, helpmate, MONOGAMIST, partner, ROOMMATE, spouse

Just this morning, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine about how far too many people think that because they are abstinent that they are automatically "single". Not by a long shot. Shoot, I have been a firm believer in emotional whoredom for quite some time now. Take it from me, it's very easy to go from person to person, believing that you are justified all because you didn't give them any...uh, flesh. Oh, but look at the synonyms for wife. You do see how one of the words is "monogamist", right? One of the definitions of "monogamy" is, "the practice of marrying only once during life". One definition of "marry" is "to unite intimately". One definition of "intimate" is "very private; closely personal".

All my single ladies (all my single ladies), when our mates find us, they should come upon a wife:a woman who is monogamous in the sense that her desire and focus is to be married ONCE...to be intimately united ONCE...to be very private and close with only ONE person. Some of us are single right now and it's because we are not "wives" in this area. Our hearts/minds/spirits are all over the place. Walking down the aisle doesn't make someone faithful. Preparing for and committing to it---mind/body/spirit---first is what does. A wedding is just the public celebration and the culmination of the preparation that took place...BEFOREHAND.

Do you know why I think a lot of married women take issue with submission to their husbands? (Ephesians 5:22) It's because they didn't fully submit to God in their single state. Mark 12:30 says that the first commandment is to love the Lord with ALL of your soul, mind and strength. If you can't be monogamous with your creator, I don't know what makes you think you can with a man that your creator created. If you are divided in your focus/commitment/emotions now, you will be later. Yeah, that alone was a bright light bulb moment for me. Here's the next one:

If I am to be a wife...a ROOMMATE when he gets here, then I need to be a good roommate. If you went to college, then I'm sure you've either experienced or seen a nasty room, and it was all because one (or both) of the roommates didn't keep their space CONSISTENTLY clean. Ain't it the absolute worst?!? A good roommate takes care of their space. The dishes that they dirty are washed...the clothes, when they get dirty, are cleaned...they don't have stuff all over the place. And, they know how to communicate well with others. They are courteous...polite...they don't take their day out on others...they don't let their hormones rule over them. A good roommate knows how to live in harmony, period---and a good wife is a good roommate.

When it comes to this subject matter, in my prayer time, the Holy Spirit (Luke 12:12) has been bringing two wives to me. One, as an example of what not to do...the other as an example of what to do: Queen Vashti and Queen Esther.

Queen Vashti was the queen first, but she got dethroned. She lost her position. Why? Because, while she may have KNOWN her role, she certainly didn't HONOR it:

"He commanded them to bring him Queen Vashti, wearing her royal crown. She was to come to show her beauty to the people and important men, because she was very beautiful. The eunuchs told Queen Vashti about the king's command, but she refused to come. Then the king became very angry; his anger was like a burning fire."---Esther 1:11-12 (NCV)

Catch this, single ladies...and shoot, single men for that matter: The Word says that she was very beautiful, but because she did not respect her position...because she did not respect her husband (Ephesians 5:33), he became angry. Proverbs 31:30 tells us that charm is deceitful and BEAUTY IS PASSING, but the woman who fears the Lord will be praised. Her Coca-Cola body didn't keep her position. As a matter of fact, her stank attitude out-shined it to the point that she was demoted. Her husband, even though she was fine, didn't want her in his eye-space again---not ever.

"All the wives of the important men of Persia and Media will hear about the queen's actions. Then they will no longer honor their husbands. They will say, 'King Xerxes commanded Queen Vashti to be brought to him, but she refused to come.' Today the wives of the important men of Persia and Media have heard about the queen's actions. So they will speak in the same way to their husbands, and there will be no end to disrespect and anger.

So, our king, if it pleases you, give a royal order, and let it be written in the laws of Persia and Media, which cannot be changed. The law should say Vashti is never again to enter the presence of King Xerxes. Also let the king give her place as queen to someone who is better than she is. And let the king's order be announced everywhere in his enormous kingdom. Then all the women will respect their husbands, from the greatest to the least.'"---Esther 1:17:18 (NCV)

Married women, did you catch that...all that in bold? Queen Vashti didn't lose her spot beside the king just because of how she treated him, but because of how her attitude and actions (or lack thereof) were influencing other women. Proverbs 14:25 says that a true witness delivers souls. As followers of Christ, we are called to be witnesses---in every area. Your marriage isn't just about you and your man. It's about showing others the power of love when it's under the will...the blessing...the covenant of God. (Matthew 19:6) The fact that our divorce rate is as high as the "world"? Hmm, I wonder how many men are married to the descendants of Vashti at this very moment. And, I wonder how many of those wives are showin' out on their husbands all because they have watched YOU clown on yours!

But Esther was different. Very different. Because she spent time in preparation (Esther 2:12), because she was ON TASK (Esther 2:13-14) before she was made queen, she had a better understanding of what his role was as a king and her position, as queen would be in direct relationship to it. As a result, because her character was more important to her than her lips and fingertips, he publicly praised her (Esther 2:17-18), her enemies (haters) were defeated (Esther 7) and her people were saved (Esther 8).

A huge lesson here for all people who are married or desire to be? KNOW THE PURPOSE. Esther didn't roll up in there because she was bored. As a matter of fact, as a woman, I'm sure the thought of sharing a space with a ton of other women all competing for your man was not the most comfortable thing to do. But, she knew what she was doing it for. One of the reasons why I know God led me to do the marriage blog? Since God makes the sun to rise on the evil and the good...the rain to fall on the just and the unjust (Matthew 5:45), there will be times when married life is difficult. Sometimes married couples need to get back to remembering the purpose for coming together---what it is beyond paying the mortgage and picking up the kids. WHY DID GOD BRING YOU TO ONE ANOTHER IN THE FIRST PLACE? And for singles, before rollin' up in anyone's camp, it would do you well to ask God if you need to be there in the first place and if so, what for? How will it further HIS kingdom?

Here is where the word, "favor" really and fully comes in. Men and women...singles and married folks...one of the main purposes of a wife is to bring favor...the be an aid in the furthering of a purpose, which ultimately furthers God's kingdom (because after all, we are all here to fulfill a purpose...that's really the point of our existence). Married men, some of you are mistreating your "backing" and it's not because she gets on your nerves, so much as YOU get on your nerves. Let me tell you one of the most unhealthy kinds of people are the ones who want you to fix them/their situation when they can't even tell you what's wrong.

How do I know? I used to be one of those people. Before the Woman was brought to Adam (Genesis 2:21-22), he was given an assignment; God gave him a purpose to fulfill (Genesis 2:15-17). When you are out of purpose, you are out of order...mind, body and spirit. When that is the case, you are miserable. Before I stepped out in faith (2 Corinthians 5:7) in 2000 to be a writer, I hated my jobs. When you hate your job, you can be tempted to hate your life in general and so you tend to find things to pacify your pain. I mean, who really has the time to be drunk and high all of the time...watching television (or porn) all day...sleeping around with everything walking or gossiping to anyone listening (eh-hem) when they are on purpose?!? PURPOSE CONSUMES YOU.

When a wife comes along, she is to assist you in elevating your purpose. She is your partner...she is what plays a significant role in getting benefits from God...cooperation from God...goodwill from God. If you are a married man, YOU NEED HER...more than you may think that you do. Even with all of the power that King Xerxes had and even with the headache that his previous wife caused, he remained on a mission to find the right one for him. EVERY KING NEEDS A QUEEN.

Often when we read the story of Esther, after "Haman the Hater" is hanged and the Jews are spared, we tend to close the book. Oh, but check out this line in the final chapter...Chapter 10:

"And all the great things Xerxes did by his power and strength are written in the record books of the kings of Media and Persia."---Esther 10:2 (NCV)

The story starts off with his first queen showin' out and his advisors telling him that she was wrong---not just for him, but the entire kingdom (Esther 1:16). Once he got with Esther, his legacy was documented of doing great things...of being powerful and full of strength. That is what the FAVOR of a good wife...the right wife...the GODsend wife will do for a man.

Married people, hear this---especially if you are going to enter into the fast with us. If you are a husband who is"...at a clear defining point in their lives and need guidance, a sign, an answer, etc.", if you have offended your helpmate in any way, you need to leave your gift at the altar and BE RECONCILED (to bring into agreement or harmony; make compatible or consistent) with her (Matthew 5:23-24). God RESPECTS a man who HONORS his wife:

"Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered."---I Peter 3:7 (NKJV)

Hinder: to cause delay, interruption, or difficulty in; hamper; impede; to prevent from doing, acting, or happening; stop

Wanna know what's keeping a lot of you from getting to the next level? YOU and how you treat the GIFT that GOD GAVE YOU. Wives need honor and understanding; weaker they may be...but WEAK they are not. God saying that a wife brings favor is like saying a wife is surplus. They help you gain access to things...extra things in ways you wouldn't have been able to alone (if you could, she wouldn't be there). Don't enter into this fast or prayer period out of alignment with your helper. It will do you very little good. And since the Word says that we should "pray without ceasing" (I Thessalonians 5:17), that means you should always esteem her and her purpose in your life. You need God and prayer every day, right? Then treat her right so that your communication with God will not be interrupted...hampered...stopped.

If you are a wife (and this actually applies to single women who desire marriage because we are supposed to be wives when God brings us to our mates, right?), it appears that everybody wants to be loved (Ephesians 5:25), but don't nobody (well, rarely do they) want to give some respect:

"For in this manner, in former times, the holy womenwho trusted in Godalso adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him 'lord', whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror."---I Peter 3:5-6 (NKJV)

Proverbs 30:5 tells us that God is a shield to those who put their trust in him. This means that God protects you when you trust him. So many women want to call themselves "holy", but the Word says that back in that day, holy women were considered to be the ones who trusted in God; the ones who respected him as their protection. Because of that, they adorned themselves...they were submissive to their husbands and had no problem revering them as "lord" (leader) of their homes. If we consider ourselves daughters of these women, we must do this kind of good and do so without fear. (I John 4:18)

Again, God has purposed wives to bring favor to the lives of their husbands. That is an honorable and distinctive role. NO ONE CAN DO WHAT YOU CAN IN THE WAY THAT YOU CAN. Because of you, your home can get, from God, excessive kindness...UNFAIR PARTIALITY...advantages and support. No matter what your husband is doing (or not doing), like Esther, don't lose sight of your role...of what you are there for. Someone not seeing a rose doesn't make it not a rose. A man who may not be spiritually discerning enough, in this season, to see that you are his favor doesn't make you not so. I think one of the main reasons why the Word says that you can win a man over with THE INCORRUPTIBLE BEAUTY of a quiet and gentle spirit (I Peter 3:4) is because when you know who and whose you are, you don't need to be loud...you have nothing to prove. I don't have to yell and scream to convince someone that I am black. I am what I am...whether they see it or not. BE THE FAVOR IN YOUR HOME. Do the things that God called YOU to do. Be reverent...be temperate...be faithful...IN ALL THINGS. (I Timothy 3:11) Some of the very things that you are praying for, through your actions, God will grant. It's favor that gives a home the advantage...and that, my dear, would be YOU.

And finally, for those of us who are single and desire to be married at some point, something that I realized when God gave me the "Ribless" message awhile back is that I need to ask him to prepare me to be the "right rib"...the "body" that I go into is not to be my concern right now. This message further confirms that. As a woman of favor, I don't need to be bringing anything to the table that will cause a man to go backwards: baggage, debt, sick habits, drama, selfishness, emotional inconsistency...you see where I am going with this. If he meets me as his wife, as the Word states, then the moment when we become one flesh (Mark 10:7-9), he automatically and immediately should be experiencing a level of elevation. My coming onto the scene shouldn't take anything from him...I'm simply adding---to his calling and his fulfillment. A ball-and-chain isn't the result of a wife...that is the result of the wrong wife. You only soar with a woman of favor, baby!

Yeah, single men, be happy about that. But don't you miss the point for you in this message, either. Solomon was VERY CLEAR about what the hoochie mamas of the world will do for you...and it ain't good. A non-wife can cause you to lose your riches...can take your best years from you (some of you are doing nothing but wasting time out there in the streets)...the Bible says that the wrong woman is the way to death. (Proverbs 5) Get your purpose, get with God to give it to you and yes, do that alone. But drinking out of your own fountain...not laying up with just ANY woman (Proverbs 5:15-16) is the key to holistic longevity. Men tend to be naturally ambitious, but in all of your getting, get an understanding (Proverbs 4:7) that SOME THINGS ONLY COME WITH FAVOR....SOME THINGS ONLY COME WITH YOUR WIFE IN YOUR LIFE. Get wisdom on the person and the timing, but accept that if you want certain "amenities", a companion...a helpmate...a partner...a spouse will be needed...will be required...period.

Shoot, I don't know about you, ladies, but I am already getting a little more pep into my high-heeled boot step. God saw fit to make me a woman and under his will, a woman of favor. I am a part of what will assist my future mate in getting what is above and beyond what he can think. (Ephesians 3:20) I don't know if it gets any better than that!

And for the fellas, getting favor is not a curse; it's a blessing. Don't let the Enemy tell you otherwise. He comes to steal, kill and destroy, right? (John 10:10) Don't let him take what God has for you...including what God has stored up in your wife/future wife.

YOUR FAVOR.

©Shellie R. Warren/2009