by Stefanie Plum, Gather Partner Team
Member since:
February 19, 2008

CHAT TRANSCRIPT: Does Your Child Throw Tantrums? – Join the Discussion and Win a Gather Points™!

February 03, 2009 02:58 PM EST (Updated: February 10, 2009 11:34 AM EST)
views: 390 | comments: 213

Join us for a live chat, tonight at 8pm ET to discuss temper tantrums and how to deal with them. Does your child throw temper tantrums? Are you worn out from dealing with them? Chat tonight and learn how to stop the tantrums!

We will be joined by Dr. Vicky McEvoy of Harvard Medical School. She will offer advice on how to control temper tantrums. During the chat you can ask her questions, share tips and get advice from other members! One Gather member who participates in the live discussion between 8-9pm ET will win 250 Gather Points ™.

The chat takes place here, in the comment field below. You must refresh your browser to see new comments.

Dr. Victoria McEvoy graduated from Harvard Medical School in 1975 and is currently an Assistant Professor of Pediatrics at HMS. She is the Medical Director and Chief of Pediatrics at Mass General West Medical Group. She has practiced pediatrics for almost thirty years. She has been married to Earl for thirty six years and raised four children. She currently enjoys writing, traveling, reading, almost all sports, and spending time with her two grandsons.

 
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Comments: 213

Bridget ♥ Feb 3, 2009, 3:02pm EST
They know better! LOL!
☆ ƒåitĥ ☆ Feb 3, 2009, 3:03pm EST
My middle child does... oh boy. I will try to make it to this chat.
B.B. B. Feb 3, 2009, 3:07pm EST
my little one does... awful and usually when we are out in puplic, i have no idea how to stop it... usually i just let her cry....
Jenn P. Feb 3, 2009, 3:10pm EST
I will try and be here :) I have two boys that does this
Vivian P. Feb 3, 2009, 3:13pm EST
even my grand kids are past this stage
MrsRoad Runner Feb 3, 2009, 3:19pm EST
Been through that, glad it is over! Little stinkers...... do not play that game lol
Does Your Child Throw Tantrums? No. I am childfree.
j - Frugal Mom - r. Feb 3, 2009, 3:35pm EST
So far it seems I have been pretty lucky with the tantrums. My youngest had a bit when he turned two, but it seems to be long gone.
Stefanie Plum, Gather Partner Team Feb 3, 2009, 3:40pm EST
Hi everyone! Looking forward to a great chat tonight!
Shawnee G. Feb 3, 2009, 3:43pm EST
My 3rd child does... and my 2nd, oh... and my 4th is just starting to....

Actually just the 3rd (my only bly who is 4) does the fall down screaming, hitting, kicking, screaming at adults type of fits. The other three I have been able to tell to calm down and kind of stop things before they really get out of hand.
Amanda C. Feb 3, 2009, 4:29pm EST
My daughter is 2 1/2 and she has her moments. I have had to deal with a few temper tantrums. She isn't real bad about it, but if she wants something or doesn't want to do something she knows how to throw a fit to try and get what she wants. It doesn't usually work though.

I might have to try and come back on tonight for the chat.
tammie p. Feb 3, 2009, 4:46pm EST
thank you for sharing this
Christine Mailey Feb 3, 2009, 7:30pm EST
Looks like a great chat! I'll be here.
Emma L. Feb 3, 2009, 7:52pm EST
Sounds like a great chat
lynn a. Feb 3, 2009, 7:56pm EST
I'm interested and we don't have young children. Wish anyone with children who had this problem could get in on this.
Jan S. Feb 3, 2009, 7:57pm EST
I did not have to deal with this as a mother, but one of my granddaughters threw tantrums. When she had trantrums at my house, I left the room. There is no point in playing to an empty house.
My granddaughter threw a tantrum in a grocery store. I turned the cart so that she was facing a large group of people waiting in lines and said "Do you think these nice people want to hear that noise? They are all behaving well. You can, too." I think my words meant less to her than the shoppers' disapproving facial expressions.

In short, if there is no reward, tantrums are useless.
Hi Everyone, looking forward to discussing temper tantrums. Vicky
Stefanie Plum, Gather Partner Team Feb 3, 2009, 8:00pm EST
Hi everyone! Welcome to tonight's chat. Dr. McEvoy welcome!
I need this chat!! LOL!!

Hello everyone!
What do you do about a 4 year old girl who throws a fit about anything?
Jan S. Feb 3, 2009, 8:01pm EST
Hi, Vicky. Although my youngest child is 22, this subject interests me.
Stefanie Plum, Gather Partner Team Feb 3, 2009, 8:01pm EST
Hi Sheli, welcome!
Stefanie Plum, Gather Partner Team Feb 3, 2009, 8:02pm EST
I don't have any kids but I always wonder how parents handle the tantrums. I imagine it must be TOUGH!
Jan S. Feb 3, 2009, 8:02pm EST
I mentioned above how I dealt with my granddaughter's tantrums. She stopped throwing them and is a wonderful, easy-going young lady.
Hi Jan!
Elaine S. Feb 3, 2009, 8:02pm EST
Hello Everybody,I have no small children to deal with
Hi Stefanie! Great topic tonight!
sally g. Feb 3, 2009, 8:03pm EST
My teen throws a temper when I ask her to get off the computer and clean her room, I have a hard time with her at times. any advice?
Hi Elaine!
Jan S. Feb 3, 2009, 8:03pm EST
Hi Sheli! Hi, Elaine!
sally g. Feb 3, 2009, 8:03pm EST
hi everyone
I need advice for my 14 year old son who has a temper tantrum when I ask him to stop doing something he doesn't want to stop doing! Any words I could use on this?
Amy Ostrander Feb 3, 2009, 8:04pm EST
My son is 3, going on 4. He had very bad temper tantrums for over a year. I've since changed his diet and started him on a GF/CF diet and it's done WONDERS! I recommend everyone checking into what foods your children are eating!
Hi Sally! Great question!
Elaine S. Feb 3, 2009, 8:05pm EST
When my Great Grandaughter comes to visit and has a Tantrum.I ignore her until she gets over it.I only give attention when she is not screaming.
sally g. Feb 3, 2009, 8:05pm EST
I am glad I could finally make it to this chat.
Emma L. Feb 3, 2009, 8:05pm EST
I don't have kids, but babysit a lot...and I was the Queen of Tantrums as a child!
Marilyn M. Feb 3, 2009, 8:05pm EST
My son is 24 and never threw a tantrum. I worked in day care when he was young and none of those kids ever did either. But it appears kids today do throw them more - in stores and restaurants. It's rather annoying.

I did have a friend whose one son tried this. If they were in public, she took him to the car and swatted his behind, then took him home without whatever they had originally gone to do or get. At home, she put him in his room until he settled down. He usually did after 10-15 minutes.
Hi Amy-what is GF/CF?
*Carol ~Bronx Southern Belle D. Feb 3, 2009, 8:05pm EST
I just throw one right next to my kid. They get really upset, but I keep smiling, and do whatever they do. Soon, they start laughing and all is well. Afterall, they are the kid, and I used to be one, so it's easy.
Wow- lots of interest in this topic! Could be because there are no easy solutions. The first tantrums start sometime in the second year. At this age the best thing is to distract the baby. Once they hit the " terrible twos" it gets harder to distract them. If you are at home, you can try walking out of the room until the "fit" passes. If that does not work a time out chair needs to be found quickly and placed in a prominent place. Vicky
sally g. Feb 3, 2009, 8:05pm EST
Hi! Sheli
I do the ignore thing too, it does work!
Nancy S. Feb 3, 2009, 8:07pm EST
My grandson throws some dillys. My dil has called me several times 5to get my help. I usually tell him when he gets it all out then we'll talk. He keeps it up for a few minutes then comes to sit by me and says he's ready to talk about it.
Amy Ostrander Feb 3, 2009, 8:07pm EST
GF/CF = Gluten Free and Casin Free.
Elaine S. Feb 3, 2009, 8:07pm EST
My kids and grandkids didn't throw tatrums but my Great Grandchildren do.I think they are spoiled because they get what they what by throwing one.
Jan S. Feb 3, 2009, 8:07pm EST
Carol, I did that with whining. I broke the kids of the whining habit by answering their whiny requests with a whiny answer. It made them laugh.
*Carol ~Bronx Southern Belle D. Feb 3, 2009, 8:07pm EST
Shelli,
My 14 year old daughter does that. I do exactly what I did when they were little. Just act the way they act. They'll quite. Another thing I do is make them perform in front of the mirror. I tell them if they can act like that in front of the mirror without laughing, I'll give them whatever we agree on.l She can't do it! It's just a show.
I walk out of the room too, but she follows me! LOL! I have been putting her in her room and sticking to it-she eventually apologizes and we are good!
sally g. Feb 3, 2009, 8:07pm EST
My daughter cant walk out of the room at all her daughter just cries for her a lot. My first grand child at that to.
Remember that we should not reward kids with attention for negative behavior. Give lots of positive feedback when they are good. Little sticker charts can serve as a reward system. Vicky
Amy Ostrander Feb 3, 2009, 8:08pm EST
The first steps to the GF/CF diet is to remove all dairy, junk food, fast food, and caffeine. We use Almond milk instead of Cow's milk. No pop. No fast food at all. No candy/junk in the house. It's done wonders with his attitude, sleeping and temper.
Jan S. Feb 3, 2009, 8:08pm EST
I used the time out chair for my granddaughter. Two minutes is an eternity for a two year old. It was effective, however.
*Carol ~Bronx Southern Belle D. Feb 3, 2009, 8:08pm EST
Laughter is the best cure. I'm not laughing with you; I'm laughing at you. Ouch!
Elaine S. Feb 3, 2009, 8:08pm EST
I agree Vicky
April H. Feb 3, 2009, 8:09pm EST
Hi ALl, My question is when Stickers does not work what other postive incentive can you do for a 3 year old?
Teresa T. Feb 3, 2009, 8:09pm EST
I don't have kids myself, but I am a substitute teacher and I have dealt with plenty of tantrums at school. In my position you can't ignore it, nor can I use any type of physical correction. I basically sit down and discuss the issues and find out what the problem is. If I can't get the child to calm down, then I will get the school involved.
Netty B. Feb 3, 2009, 8:09pm EST
I have a Granddaughter that is becoming a pro at temper tantrums!
I too laugh ast mine Carol! They usually laugh too! It is so funny how they whine and act over some things, I just can't believe it!
Carol, I love your solution! Sometimes kids forget even why they are throwing a fit. A little humor goes a long way, especially when you are at the end of your rope. Vicky
Amy Ostrander Feb 3, 2009, 8:09pm EST
Kids these days seem to grow up on Fast food, junk, candy and pop.... Hyperactive children throw more tantrums - imo - and the junk food promotes hyperness...
Netty B. Feb 3, 2009, 8:09pm EST
I raised 3 kids and she even shocks ME when she does it!
Elaine S. Feb 3, 2009, 8:10pm EST
Time out chairs don't work for my Great grandkid she makes her body stiff and her mom can't put her on a chair
Jan S. Feb 3, 2009, 8:10pm EST
Dr. Vicky, I agree that positive feedback, compliments and encouragement are important not only for tantrum prevention, but for building a positive self-image.
Netty B. Feb 3, 2009, 8:10pm EST
I see posts about younger kids (toddlers) my granddaughter is 9.
That sounds good Amy-Thanks!
sally g. Feb 3, 2009, 8:10pm EST
My youngest child went through the terrible twos. that was hard to deal with. I thought she was going to hurt her self bad.
April, if stickers don't work as a reward, try to find something that your child loves. It should be small. Don't use food as a reward because food should be for nourishment. Vicky
My son is 14 Netty-he still does it once in a while...
Amy Ostrander Feb 3, 2009, 8:11pm EST
April H --- my son is 3. I was never into stickers. What we do is have a chart on the fridge and list good behavior, chores, healthy habits, cleanliness, etc... He gets check marks each day he does each thing -- brushes teeth, cleans up toys, acts good in the library, etc -- at the end of the week he gets an allowance depending on how he was. He has a piggy bank and loves putting coins in it!
April H. Feb 3, 2009, 8:12pm EST
What do you do if they throw things in there tantrum?
Teresa T. Feb 3, 2009, 8:12pm EST
I have also experienced that if you don't raise your voice and you let the child know that their views are important, they will tend to calm down faster and listen to reasoning.
I always said the terrible 4's and 5's! At 2 mine were still good!
Jan S. Feb 3, 2009, 8:12pm EST
The time out chair can be a playpen or other designated area. The important part is that if the child tries to move before time's up, we put them back. If she gets up 100 times, mom has to put her back 100 times. The child will get the message and will feel safe and loved with the constancy and routine.
sally g. Feb 3, 2009, 8:13pm EST
I agree with you on that Amy. Kids do get a lot of junk food these days and sometimes it only seems to get worse.
April H. Feb 3, 2009, 8:13pm EST
Amy, I love your idea, I never though of allowance at 3
Yes not yelling back helps, I have learned that when I talk calmly she reacts better!
Amy Ostrander Feb 3, 2009, 8:13pm EST
I never agreed with "ignoring" the temper tantrum. Kids need to learn that it's not acceptable behavior - they won't learn if you just walk away until they stop. I take him to another room and tell him WHAT he did wrong and WHY he shouldn't do it again. Kids, even 3 years olds, do understand when you put it in the right words!
Hi Netty, we all know that tantrums are not limited to two year olds. After all, haven't we all witnessed adults having temper tantrums- think "road rage"? The solution has to be age related. For older children, the time out chair may not work, but removal of a privilege such as Game Boy or television can substitute. Vicky
Netty B. Feb 3, 2009, 8:14pm EST
Sheli, she gets sent to her room until she "calms down" but you can hear her in there throwing things and kicking the wall.
Nancy S. Feb 3, 2009, 8:15pm EST
Well you can't talk to them usually when they are really worked up. At home it's much easier to ignor them. In public it's another matter entirely.
Christine P. Feb 3, 2009, 8:15pm EST
I have a three year old and 9 year old boy, I feel like I am constantly yelling at them. I try to remember not to yell but the heat of the moment takes over! What can you do??
Amy Ostrander Feb 3, 2009, 8:15pm EST
My son used to throw things ALL the time - no more. Anytime he threw something I picked it up and "threw it away". I told him if he's going to throw things then they become trash because he doesn't care about them. I'd put them in a "special" trash bag and they'd get hidden in my closet. After a few weeks, if he had a really good day I'd bring out a toy and give it to him and tell him he can have it if the good behavior keeps up!
Sara S. Feb 3, 2009, 8:15pm EST
hello all
April H. Feb 3, 2009, 8:15pm EST
YEs, throwing things is part of my grandaughters tantrums
Jan S. Feb 3, 2009, 8:15pm EST
I think public tantrums need to be dealt with differently than home tantrums. We need to consider the rights of other people to a peaceful environment. It may mean leaving with the child and dealing with the behavior at home.
Wow, lots of good suggestions from all you experienced parents. I certainly agree with a calm discussion of what went wrong, but after the storm has passed. When children are in a rage, they may not be rational. Sometimes holding a violent, toy tossing child tightly to you until the emotion and energy die, can diffuse the rage.Vicky
Sara S. Feb 3, 2009, 8:16pm EST
my son is six and has been throwing tantrums a lot lately, what can i do to stop this behavior? He does have adhd as well
Netty B. Feb 3, 2009, 8:16pm EST
She almost did it in a restaurant the other day, but I think because I was there she stopped. Instead she put her coat over her head and just sat there.
sally g. Feb 3, 2009, 8:17pm EST
I went through that April when my kids where younger. one of my daughters threw stuff. I just took it away from her and told her not to do that. Its not right to throw stuff. I took toys away from her to the ones she liked the most till she was be having better.
April H. Feb 3, 2009, 8:18pm EST
Amy. it is not her toys she is throwing it is her plate when she refuses to eat or her clothes when we are attempting to dress her. I know some of this is acting out since she just lost her mom but it is trying to deal with.
Jan S. Feb 3, 2009, 8:18pm EST
Janet, most kids like peanut butter on celery or an apple. Cheese is good if the have peanut allergies.
I do not recommend ever hitting a child. If your child is provoking extreme feelings of anger in a parent, they need to take a time out as well. Leave the room until your feelings settle. Hitting a child teaches a child to hit and it is not effective. It only teaches fear.Vicky
Amy Ostrander Feb 3, 2009, 8:18pm EST
Public tantrums I don't deal with. I could be right in the middle of grocery shopping and if the tantrum got bad enough I'd pick him up and leave! Of course I'd leave my cart with an employee if I had perishable items in it. I'd have a talk with my son in the car and when we get home he'd be in time out and get "bad" check marks on his chart. I make sure to enforce that shopping trips are "Special" that only good boys get to go on the "special" outings... lol.. hey, it works!
Carlie doesn't throw things, she just uses her voice! Any advice to say to her to calm her down enough to hear
David S. Feb 3, 2009, 8:19pm EST
I'm not going to be able to hang around, but I wanted to comment here so that I could come back and check out the thread tomorrow to see if there is any good advice for me. We don't have too much trouble with tantrums, but enough that this topic interests me.
sally g. Feb 3, 2009, 8:19pm EST
Hi sara
☀ Aunt Shanny Feb 3, 2009, 8:19pm EST
The easiest (and best) way to avoid children's temper tantrums is not to have childrens!

LOL!
April H. Feb 3, 2009, 8:20pm EST
My problem is a little aggravated in that her mom was an addict and died of an overdose and mom let her do and eat what ever it was she wanted and know she is dealing with new rules and no mom.
For grandmothers dealing with tantrums, I think it is a little different than a parent. We should defer to the parents in handling the tantrums. Ask them what they do and what rewards they use for good behavior. I am new to the grandparenting business but I am learning that I should defer to their wishes. Vicky