What Would You Do?

This afternoon I happened on the Dr. Phil show and they were talking about the boy who went missing at 11 that no one reported missing for I don't remember how long and they discovered the foster parents had been abusing him.

It reminded me of something from my own childhood.  As I've mentioned in here a few times, I went through several years of abuse as a child.  One thing that has always angered me is that no one noticed that something was wrong or they just didn't speak up about it or question it.  Now, I can tell you that I grew up in an era before child abuse was readily dealt with so that was part of it.

I guess that, to me, there were so many significant signs that something was wrong that I don't understand how people ignored it.  When I was in the first and second grades, I made straight A's.  In fact, my second grade teacher, Mrs. Butcher, used to get so frustrated with me because she would constantly catch me looking out the window and would purposely ask me a question thinking she'd stump me but I always was able to answer her and answer correctly.  She told my mother that it drove her crazy because she could never catch me off guard.  One has to be pretty smart to do that.  And, by the way, I was daydreaming that Superman would fly in and rescue me.

I just used to get bored very easily.  But I went from making straight A's in the second grade to having 2 D's and an F in the third grade.  The abuse started when I was 8 around the time I went into third grade.  That should have set off some alarm bells for someone that there was something wrong.  Now, another problem is that I told my mother I was having problems seeing.  She took me to the eye doctor but told him that I just wanted glasses to get attention so he didn't really pay attention to what I said.  He gave me some clear glasses to appease me and it wasn't until I was 21 that I finally had my eyes diagnosed properly and found out that if I'd had glasses since I was five, the astigmatism in my right eye could have been fixed.

Anyway, I continued to have challenges both in making friends as well as my grades.  I didn't trust anyone at that point.  When I was in seventh grade, I did have one special teacher who seemed to understand and reached out to me.  He saw my talent as a writer and, in fact, he was the one who helped me discover I could write and got me a tutor to help me develop my grammar, sentence structure and vocabulary.  His name was Mr. Gholson and I will be eternally grateful to him.

That was the year that my parents had me tested to find out if there was something wrong with me.  They found out I was reading on a college level in seventh grade.  My father was astounded because he could no longer think that I wasn't bright enough.  Two years later, he sent me to boarding school to punish me thinking I'd be home sick and get my grades up so I could go home.  I got my grades up but I wanted to stay.  There was never anything wrong with my brain, though.

My point is that when I was growing up going through this, I made a decision that if I ever thought a child was in danger in any way, I would call the police.  I wouldn't sit back and let them go through that.  I've had to live up to that promise once in my life to rescue two little girls who used to live across the hall from me.

What would you do if you knew a child was being abused or if you saw significant changes in that child that something was wrong?  Would you intervene?  Would you put yourself on the line to help?

Believe me, it isn't an easy thing to do even when you've made up your mind to do it.  Especially given the foster care situation these days because you don't know if where they will be placed will be better.

From someone who's been on both ends, if a child seems to be in trouble, make friends with the child or find someone who can.  Gain their trust and see if you can find out if they are being physically or sexually abused.  If they are physically in danger, please get help.  Don't let a child be left in the hands of someone who is hurting them.  If you don't, one day the abuse could go too far and that child could die.

The last time my father hit me, I wrote him a note and told him that if he ever hit me or one of my siblings or my mother again, I would call the police and turn him in.  He never laid a hand on me again.  He almost hit my sister once and she called him on it.  And, he knew I meant what I said.

Please, don't leave a child in the nightmare of abuse.  You'll be glad you intervened if you save that child's life.