---The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.
Friedrich Nietzsche, The Dawn, Sec. 297
What do I think? I think, actually, that he might have met my kids.
FLASHBACK:
When I looked my 14 year old--dead in the eye, he, (darling, beloved, gifted son) who had just burned a 12 inch circular hole in the bedroom carpet--burned through the carpet pad, and scorched a perfect circle in the underlying hardwood floor...by burning his reportcard, (quite responsibly, I thought at the time) in a metal scrub bucket. Who hasn't wanted to do that, at least once in their lives?
However, he had become a bit carried away, and decided to also burn the final paper that had netted him the not-so-impressive final grade; and that was the real beginning of the carpet (house fire) problem. "He is a global thinker," sez I, "One thought leads to another thought, and to another--and thus he connects everything..."
I had talked to another mother who's child had been diagnosed (by the school principal, no less) with ICD. No this is not an inter-continental device of any kind (ballistic or otherwise.) This is the 3 letter curse word for "Impulse Control Disorder."
SUBSEQUENT FLASHBACK (Triggered by the anuerysm, which was probably caused by NOT popping my eyes out by my not yelling his ears off.) Kathy struggles to recall the time her darling son, in second grade had given his new coat away to a friend at school, who could not play outside on recess-- Seems this other child didn't have a winter coat. Now he did. He had my son's new coat that I had scrimped a bit to buy. (It was a cool coat--had a hood, to keep his beloved ears warm, and deep pockets for his cold hands, as he was always losing his gloves.) Asking him why he didn't have his coat when he came home, (shivering) he said he remembered that he had another coat that he could wear. (The old raggedy holes in the pocket coat that I had just taken to Goodwill.)
We went to Goodwill that night, and bought him a new /old coat.
You see, impulse control can be a great thing (if it saves carpet) but, it can also hinder that spontaneous spirit of goodness that lives inside all of us.
Did I yell at him for the coat ten years earlier? No. Did I yell at him for the "circle of fire" in the bedroom? You Betcha! THEN we took the bucket outside and set it on the patio, and I brought out the old divorce settlement papers that gave me ulcers because they basically said we'd be broke forever, and we merrily burned them in the back yard. If we'd have had marshmallows and chocolate, we might have had some really GREAT So'mores.
But, that's okay, I have So'more. I have a golden-hearted son, with a great sense of humor; and he starts my campfires and barbeque pits whenever we go camping as a family. So there! ICD...I think my son is ICED!
And yes, now that he is approaching 30, he has a firepit in his very own back yard...
Tell me YOUR fav story about one of YOUR babes.
Blessed be -- think differently!
Wilka
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Comments: 26
laughed at the child "responsibly" burning the evidence....... and YAY for YOU finally burning Your old life baggage! Kudos, woman!
I like the quote!
Didn't you hear me write, "You betcha!" about the yelling over the burn hole?
Now, when I yell...swimmers hear me (underwater) 25 yards away. I don't yell often, but when I do--I roar so loud the ceiling lights tremble. Usually when I'm REALLY mad, I get quiet and don't say much at all. But when I want to make an impression, I can bellow like a wounded water buffalo.
Oh, Yeah. I yelled. And we did the 3 minute lecture (you have to set an egg timer, cause they stop listening after 2 minutes...and that gives you one minute to summarize and conclude the lecture.
I was "tempted" to bash his head with the flaming bucket. But, that would have been "the dad" thing. Not me.
So, we had an outdoor fire, intead.
Ain't no angel here...but I learned a LOT.
Wilka
My son (now 5): My son could be king of impulsive and "I'll do it my way," but he is incredibly careful his baby sister. When she first tried to crawl, he tried to pick her up to help - which ended badly, so he stopped unprompted. Now that she's mobile and interested in eating whatever he's eating, his goal is to protect his food without hurting her. She stole half of one of his grilled cheese sandwiches the other day. When he tried to take it back, she smacked his hand. Instead of fighting her, we went into the other room to play and encouraged her to follow him (She loves him). When she was occupied with a toy, he snuck back and finished his meal.
My baby girl (10.5 months) - Right now, she's just bossy. She knows that reaching for the lighted jumpdrive on my computer will get her picked up, pulling my books out of the shelf will get her a story read to her, and sitting in the hallway yelling "Bub-BA!" will make her brother come out and play with her. I'm not really worried about her individuality.
By the way, that is a wonderful picture of you and your family.
"I get up.
I walk.
I fall
down.
Meanwhile,
I keep
Dancing."
-- Hillel
Thank you for your comment. I'm glad all the "interesting times" we live through become humorous stories so late after the events. Such is time that heals and strengthens us.
Blessed be, Sister Raven Spirit.
Wilka
What a fun time to live in. Girl, Enjoy every minute of it.
Wilka
I really enjoyed your "flashbacks" :) Hope you have a fantastic weekend.
And what will the worrying about "the ability to functin socially" achieve for you? Is there aught you can do about that, except love the child? (And perhaps trust the universe -- or someone IN the universe--to also "love the child" too?)
You won't treat the child any differently, given this concern, right? You'll still love him/her; and spoil him/her as much as you can, gracefully--so what is the worry? That is not your issue to fix. Your only job as a mom is to really, and unconditionally love them.
There. Doesn't that make it a whole lot easier? We just love them, and tell them that--no matter what--we will always, always love them. The seeds inside them, I am convinced, will do the rest. We keep them safe, as long and as strong as we are able (as long as they listen!)
We try to teach them, this is good, in my sight; this is evil, because it harms others; this is red, this is green, 2 times 16 is 32...beyond that? The biggest lesson I remember from mom? Is not about behavior, really. The very biggest lesson was "unconditional love."
With that, anything is achievable. Without it, life becomes much, much harder for the kids.
I will bet, right now, that your babes will all turn out to be the true joy of your life. If they're anything like their mom--they will be. (And I find that to be true, more often than not.)
Wilka
I really, really don't understand how three such fine miracles happened to me.
I just say, "Thanks."
Wilka
wishing you laughter