Already Missing Them.

I'm already missing my family, but I'm still living here at home...

Soon I'll be moving out and into an apartment with, Terry. I'm excited about it, but also nervous and scared. Terry has lived away from home before, moved in with some friends years ago, and then moved back home. So he doesn't exactly understand why I'm making such a big deal about all this. Where he wants to move, it's about fourty minutes away from my family home. Which isn't a whole lot... But it feels like a whole different country to me. I've never lived anywhere but with my family. Before I started dating Terry, I had only spent the night away from one once, and that's when I was seventeen. I used to spend a lot of time with my Grandparents away from my Mom. But it was still family.

The thought of not being able to see my Mom whenever I want to really makes me upset. She's not just my mom, she's my bestfriend in the entire world. I'll still be able to talk to her online, and on the phone. But that's just not the same! And I know money will be tight when Terry and I move in together, so I won't be able to make a special trip down here very often. Which also really bums me out.

Then there's my younger brother, Anthony. Here lately he hasn't been spending very much time at home. I'm lucky if I see him once a week. Even on New Years Eve he was gone having a party at one of his friends houses. And I understand that he's at an age where he wants to go out all the time. But that was my last New Years Eve here at the house, my last Christmas, my last Halloween... My last everything. I don't know if it's really sunk in to him yet that soon I won't be living here anymore.

I told Terry that if he's going to take me that far away from home, I expect the internet connection to be on and stable the very first night we're there. lol =-( It makes sense, because those are the cheapest apartments around, I can't argue with him about that. But I'm a total Momma's girl, and this is just... Ugh... I told him I needed to start out with baby steps. Like getting a house on the same road as mom, and slowly moving away from there. Not getting ripped away right from the start. He just looked at me like I was crazy. Then laughed, and said that it would be alright.

Maybe it will be alright eventually, but it's not alright now. Nothing is alright now. I don't know if anyone understands all the things that have been going through my head lately. I haven't even really told mom about them. I guess because it might just make everything harder for me. I'm always acting like I'm excited about the move, and how great everything's going to be... but that's not how I feel at all. I've actually cried over it all a few times, while I'm lying downstairs. Thinking about how fast this is all happening now.

Mom always told me that I'd never grow up, and I always told her she was right because I didn't want to. I guess this is going to push me into that direction though.