I have spent some time thinking about this. Why would I care what people think? Maybe it's because I am in my 50's but I have reached a point where if someone thinks bad of me, I could care less. I know in my heart what is true.
I have had people in my life that have tried to convince me that I am rotten or mean. My ex was one of them. I could never understand him. All I did was love him and want to be with him and he cheated on me. He tried to convince me I was crazy etc. I wondered if it was to justify how he acted or treated me. For me that is a non issue what he did or what he thought. He will someday answer to God like the rest of us.
I just wonder sometimes when people say stuff to you to hurt you or anger you and we get so upset. Why bother? We know the truth about ourselves. God knows our hearts and the truth as well.
When we get hurt and cry that someone does this, the other person gets what they wanted, to hurt us. We have the choice of how much we allow that other person to be in our lives and how much weight we want to put in their words or opinion.
I am learning that sometimes we need to just let things go...to let what others say go. If they can't see us for who and what we are, it is their loss.
I have tried to be kindhearted and a person who believes in the benefit of the doubt. Now I am more wary of my interaction of the people in my life that have a history of hurting me or saying mean things. After all, I make the decisions that concern me and my life, there are just limits that have to be made.
Love and friendship is a two way street. So often we try to make up the difference or try to "fix" thing when it gets to be a one way street. Somethings can't be fixed and one way streets are no fun, it gets empty after a while.
"So" is a word my husband uses often. It used to irritate me until I understood why he used it. When someone comes and tells me I am something I'm not , I think I will indifferently calmly say, "So, why would I care what you think."
I care what God thinks, I care what my husband thinks, but I will no longer let words hurt me. Hurting people hurt others. If they don't get help with their hurt, they will continue to do this and there is nothing anyone else can do. Until they figure out their issues and find a different way to deal with them, they will continue in their pattern.
This kind of takes picking and choosing ones battles to a new level. When you can realize that what someone says defiles them and what they believe and say says more about them then you, you can react with calm instead of letting their bait get your goat. Most times when people want to ignite a fight or quarrel when level headedness and calm is the response, the person tends to back down their anger. Anger ignites anger...calm ignites calm.
We so don't realize that we let the other people win when we are attacked verbally and we respond in the same intensity. They win when it is their aim and goal to get us angry.
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Comments: 38
When we enter school, we want to be accepted and liked and even thought of as "cool" by the other kids there. When someone calls us names, we feel rejected and unliked. And, unfortunately, instead of seeing the other person as being at fault, we blame and incriminate ourselves and begin to judge who and what we are on the opinions, attitudes, and reactions of others...........
Thanks Linda for pointing out it can get us down too if we let it.
Sorry to hear Claudia that you have been through so much. I think our childhoods have more devasting effects on us then we realize. When we are abused and have low self esteem, like I did, we are more prone to getting mixed up with the wrong people, ones who in turn abuse us. My ex never hit me before we got married. In fact he was "appalled" that I was beat. His controlling behavior led to him hitting me. No I chose to marry him, but I think if I had more self esteem I would have steered clear of him.
Sounds like you are feeling better once more.
Love ya!
To hone this down a bit... forget about all that trash from your past (not you Heather -- everyone) and recognize that you have value in and of yourself.
Human's recognizing this on a national level, might be a little to much to hope for, right now, but as individuals this recognition can take us a long way.
happens. And response is something we can choose."
Maureen Kiloran
Sorry to hear that you have not been well. I should have known as I did not get any post notices from you as before, but I have been off and on of late. Still fighting the lung mass, and a few personal challenges. I hope this finds you on the mend. I have missed you. Keep writing, and God bless you. Ellen B