Mama, Please Help Your Babies Grow Up!

Oh, the stories you will tell if you’re a college professor (or in this case, the professor's wife). My husband is one; in fact, he is one no-nonsense, grow-up-already-you’re-in-college-now kind of guy. Almost every day, I am entertained with new anecdotes, excuses and downright unbelievable stuff sprouting from the mouths of babes, ahem, college students.

Here are a few highlights:

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Today, the University closed at 2 p.m. due to extremely icy conditions. It’s rare, but it does happen when the University determines that it would be dangerous for out-of-town students to try to get to campus (or that’s my guess). Around 2 p.m., my husband, who normally teaches a class at 2:30 p.m. was preparing to leave campus after hearing about the University closing. Just as he was about to exit his office, the phone rang. It was a student, who said that she’d heard the University was closing at 2 p.m. When my husband confirmed that this was true, she then asked “Does that mean we don’t have to attend the 2:30 lecture today?”

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Homecoming is a huge deal here at our University; often it’s billed as the largest in the nation. Students, especially fraternity or sorority members, participate extensively in building elaborate house decorations and floats for the Homecoming Parade. They spend many, many hours on this, often to the detriment of their studies. The most grueling and demanding time is the Thursday prior to the Friday “Campus Walkaround” (prior to the Saturday football game), when students stay up all night finishing their house decorations. The next evening, thousands of students, townspeople and alums descend on campus and “walk around” campus, viewing all the fantastic house decorations.

Unfortunately, my husband taught a class that met on the Friday of Homecoming weekend. He had assigned some homework problems, which were to be turned in at the end of the lecture. He asked his students to fold their homework papers vertically, write their names on the outside, and hand them to him as they exited the classroom. Although he was anticipating some students might miss class or not have their homework due to Homecoming, he was very surprised when one student, obviously still drunk and reeking of alcohol, handed him (in total oblivion) his folded over campus newspaper!

At the end of one semester my husband asked a student why she had missed the final exam. She replied that her Dad did not pick her up in time.

Hubby: “Pick you up from where?
Student: “From jail.”

Hubby: “WHY were you in jail?”

She then explained that the night before, some of her friends persuaded her to go to a popular local drinking and dancing spot. However, she asserted, she DID NOT drink, nor could she explain why she passed out in the parking lot. So she got arrested, but she DID NOT drink, so something must have been wrong with the breathalyzer-thing. Her Dad was upset with her and therefore, refused to bail her out of jail. And, once again, she DID NOT drink!

Hubby: “Did your Dad believe all this?”

Student: “No.”

Hubby: “I don’t, either.”

Note in gradebook: Student not allowed to make up Final Exam.