What in the world is fibro fog?

What in the world is fibro fog?

by Marilyn Mackenzie

Someone asked,

"What is fibro fog?  What's it like?

Big mistake,

Asking me that.

For now I must answer.

I must.

I cannot, will not be happy,

Until I answer.

But can I?

Perhaps not...

If I'm in one.

Am I in one?

Aren't I usually?

I think I am.

But what's it like?

I imagine it's like...

Getting old.

I understand now, much more

What my Dad experienced

With Alzheimer's

And what my mother lives with,

With "alcohol induced dementia".

Well, maybe not that.

She's in la-la land,

And happy,

Not knowing,

That she doesn't know.

Dad knew he didn't know,

When he took his medications.

But I digress.

It seems that I do that a lot lately.

Digress.

Know what that means?

It means that I wander from the topic.

Better still...I lose clarity.

If I'm lost in my words,

I wonder if anyone else can find

His/her way?

But what is it like?

That's the question.

I thought of a great discussion

The other night just before

I dozed off.

I prayed I would remember it,

Then I willed myself to remember.

It worked!

As I leapt from bed, I remembered.

Then after I fed the dogs and made coffee,

I forgot again.

I wrote some dribble,

And in the midst of the dribble,

My awesome thought from the night before

Tumbled in.

Fantastic.

As I settled down to type,

I lost the thought again.

Poof.

Figures.

My pains are more today.

Weather - cold and damp -

Doesn't help.

Did I remember to take my pills?

Of course. 

How could I forget?

The pain pills make me not

Care that I'm in pain.

They don't take the pain away.

Depression pills make me angry.

Doc says it's about time I got angry.

Been a doormat too long.

Am I a doormat if I let him decide

That it's okay for me to be mad?

I wonder.

My ears are tingling. 

No, not tingling. 

Hurting, on fire.

Yes, that's it - on fire.

Like being frostbitten.

If I cover my ears with both hands

I cannot type.

Can I still think?

Of course. 

Holding my hands on my ears

Doesn't keep the thoughts from

Falling out.

Silly thoughts.

Was I doing something important?

Oh yes, the fibro fog.

Sometimes it's like

Being in a room

Filled with fog - real fog.

I can hardly see beyond

My own personal space.

Sometimes I'm a zombie,

But it's hard to know

If that's the fog

Or maybe the meds

Or maybe both.

I have chemical sensitivity.

Outside and in.

A medication can work

Perfectly well one day

And make me sick the next.

So I have another pill for that.

A pill for when the others

Make me sick.

That pill makes me tired.

And foggy.

On top of the annoying

Fibro fog.

The original thought -

The one from two days ago

That I thought was so great

Came rushing in again

I wrote down snippets

Of what I remembered

Then could not read

My own handwriting.

Why didn't I type them

On the computer?

I guess I forgot.

I walked outside yesterday

To walk our small doggie

And forgot to put on a coat

In January, in Ohio.

Thankfully,

It was one of our warmer days.

I put some packaged mashed potatoes

In the freezer

My son kept putting them back in the frig

And I moved them to the freezer

Don't know why.

Don't even remember doing it.

But if not me, then who?

Or is that whom?

Do I care?

Funny thoughts come tripping by.

This isn't written like a story;

More like a poem.

I love poetry.

Always have.

In high school,

Our poetry teacher

Got even the would-be drop-outs

To like poetry.

How?

He told us that lyrics and poetry

Were the same thing.

Vo-tech guys, mechanic wannabe's

Fought to get into that class

So they could study

Dylan.

Bob Dylan,

Not Dylan Thomas.

Although we did

Study them both.

"Blowin' in the Wind" and

 "The Times They Are a-Changin'",

We studied them.

Not that what I'm writing is anything

Like that.

Silly thought.

Rambling thoughts.

Fibro fog thoughts.

When thinking is possible.

And when it's not,

Sleep is the answer.

"Duh-da-da-da-da...

All I need it sleep.

Duh-da-da-da-da..."

And so I will.

Sleep, perchance to dream...

About that silly thing

I thought I'd write about

That keeps teasing me

And then taking flight.

I wonder if it's worth

Thinking about anymore.

I'll sleep, then

I'll read this later...

And either toss it in the trash

Or post it

And share it

As part of what my world is like.

If I dare.

But I must...

So people start to understand...

Or try.

Giggling to self now.

Guess I sound a bit crazy.

Oh well.

Not always.

Sometimes I write

Profound thoughts.

Remember...?

Back in December...

Of 2000?  J

Here are some links for stories of people with their fibro fog tales:  Fibro Follies  

And from this web site:  Fibro Fog   

A common scenario: You're having a conversation with someone when suddenly, in the middle of the sentence that's coming out of your mouth, your brain seems to turn itself off. Your mouth hangs open as you desperately search for what you were just saying two seconds ago. But it's no use. Where there once was a clear distinguishable thought in your head, there is nothing left but a vacuous black hole of nothingness. This kind of short-term memory loss is experienced by every Fibromyalgic.

"The wheel is turning, but the hamster left town," as Devin Starlanyl and Mary Ellen Copeland put it in their book, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Myofascial Pain: A Survival Manual, which devotes an entire chapter to Fibro Fog and other cognitive deficits. "You may spend hours every day trying to find various items, like your keys. (After a while, you may feel as though your mind is one of those misplaced items.) You may not recognize things when they are right in front of you but are not in their accustomed place, or when it's in a different package or form."

 The web site above mentions studies that prove fibro fog exists, and studies that compare the mental abilities of persons with no history of fibro, to those who have it and to persons older with mental decline that goes with age. 

Those with fibromyalgia need no such studies.  They live in a world that includes fibro fog each and every day.

This web site lists symptoms of fibro fog.  

The severity of Fibro-fog fluctuates from day to day, as well as from person to person. The following is a list of possible signs and symptoms:

•                     Mental confusion and fatigue
•                      Loss of short-term memory
•                      Inability to concentrate
•                      Impaired thinking
•                      Absentmindedness
•                      Inability to recognize familiar surroundings
•                      Disorientation
•                      Inability to comprehend written or spoken words
•                      Trouble with directions
•                      Short attention span
•                      Acquired dyslexia (includes difficulty speaking known words)

The web site above is the only one I've found that mentions my dyslexic mouth.  I'm still surprised when my mouth and brain don't function together and come out with things like, "dullbozer" instead of "bulldozer".

I've mentioned my dyslexic mouth before, but in case you missed it, click here:  My Dyslexic Mouth

Here's another good description of fibro fog: Fibromyalgia Fog

This term has been coined by fibromyalgia patients and some treating physicians to describe the mental confusion often associated with fibromyalgia syndrome.  It is actually part of the cognitive dysfunction segment of fibromyalgia.  It is described by patients as a state of confusion which can last for several hours, weeks or during the entire length of a fibromyalgia "flare."  Symptoms vary from patient to patient and event to event, but taken as a whole, it is one of the most life altering aspects of fibromyalgia.  People who were accountants before fibromyalgia can no longer add up figures in their own checkbooks. Shopping center parking lots become huge mazes with lost vehicles that a sick person in pain and with no energy must penetrate in order to get home.  Confusion about what medications need to be taken at what times can stop a patient from taking anything causing even more pain and fatigue which only enhances the fibro fog component.