In Move to Show Bold Leadership, Obama Orders "Smoke 'em If You Got 'em"

WASHINGTON, D.C.  In his second full day on the job, President Barack Obama yesterday signed Executive Order no. 2 of his administration, lifting the ban on smoking in federal buildings and protecting smokers from discrimination in interstate commerce.

"Got a light?"

"My inauguration represented the final step in a long march to freedom--for smokers" Obama told a crowd of smokers outside the General Services Administration, the agency responsible for purchasing goods for the federal government so that workers can steal snow tires and legal pads.  "No longer will we be divided as a nation into those who sit inside and stay warm while they chew gum, and those who must freeze their tuckuses off in order to breath smoke freely." 

"I'd step outside for a smoke, but I'd die from lack of oxygen."

Obama's opponents have struggled over the years to come up with personal shortcomings they can exploit for political gain, and smoking may turn out to be his Achille's heel. 

"The only other area where he appears to be vulnerable is his life-long fascination with 'Star Trek', which could hurt him among women and non-dorky male voters, according to NBC pollster Charles Beatty.  "That, and he can't go to his right off the dribble."