by William Dotani
Member since:
October 27, 2006

Monologue: Looking Both Sideway

January 23, 2009 03:45 AM EST
views: 116 | rating: 10/10 (23 votes) | comments: 45

Any body sittin' here? Thanks. You know you don't have to move that far over. I don't bite.

Sorry, that sorta came out wrong. That must be a really good magazine article. I mean you look really engrossed. What magazine is it by the way? Oh! A woman's magazine. I was hopin' you had a Reader's Digest or something like that.

For real! You want to know if I'm for real. Yes I know I look like Santa Claus and I'm a jolly old soul. No, I haven't been drinking, but I think my neighbor had a bit too much eggnog last night. I heard him tell his wife he's never going to take down his John McCain signs. Yes, you'd think he would've gotten over it by now, but this guy is even more vigilant in photographing people who do not pick up their dog's pool in the park. If he suspects they voted the wrong way, the police are given the evidence. Sort of like Dragnet. Dragnet, the old TV show with Joe Friday. Well, nevermind that.

I always wondered if cats poo in the park. Do they have anything about cat walking in your magazine? Of course not! What am I thinking? Is my face red? Talking about cat poo with someone I just met. It's awkward. My apologies. Why yes sincerely.

38 today and 15 tomorrow. I think the weatherman is looking both sideway. Yes, I know what I just said.

You're a pretty nice lady, but I see my wife coming. She's Mrs. Claus in case you believe.
You have a lovely smile. A few person's have showed me their teeth. I guess they wanted to show me they brushed. I was a teacher.

Hi Honey. This is ..., I don't know her name. Yes, she is quite engrossed in that magazine. Do you have it at home?

I can walk without being led. You can let go of my elbow. You know, you are looking both sideway.

Actually, I can't wait until we get home.

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Comments: 45

Linda T. Jan 23, 2009, 4:15am EST
Wouldn't want to come across this man in a waiting room. I can picture his wife leading him away.
William Dotani Jan 23, 2009, 4:20am EST
Linda, He's innocent. Not a threat. Sort of like a Red Skelton character.
lynn a. Jan 23, 2009, 4:36am EST
Oh. William, this gets to me. My father was like this. At some point though, he'd have the entire waiting room laughing. He just wouldn't give up. He could be a natural comic (as were my brothers) and once he hooked 'em, the show was on and everybody had a good time.
Ariel Storm Jan 23, 2009, 4:44am EST
Doesn't he know the waiting room is a time for misery and gloom? How dare he!!!
William Dotani Jan 23, 2009, 4:47am EST
Lynn, I can be this way and I have been this way. My wife thinks I'm a bit looney. My daughter once called me a silly duck. I'm not a bird.
lynn a. Jan 23, 2009, 5:07am EST
I understand. Initially it may look looney, but by the end, you see the genius in it. I think a lot of it has to do with reading people and knowing where to go once you get them paying attention. My daughter used to love these ventures with my father.

And, I had to come back to tell you that I actually did live in a volcano while in Hawaii, and that's no joke. And it was beautiful. I could break off a small stem of a rubber tree and take it and stick it straight in the ground in front of our patio on the hill and it would just take off growing. We had quite a rubber tree hedge before we left. Well up to the second floor.
I thoroughly enjoyed this monologue, Bill!

Now do as she who must be obeyed tells you. LOL
lynn a. Jan 23, 2009, 5:24am EST
Ah, now there is Magi. This must be the time of day to find all the funny people on.

William, Magi gives good advice. All wives need to be obeyed. Life just works better that way. I know.
JOHN BECK Jan 23, 2009, 6:39am EST
Depends upon whether the "victim" wants to be bugged or wants to be left alone.
Dorothy H. Jan 23, 2009, 6:47am EST
Thanks for sharing!
Debra H. Jan 23, 2009, 7:29am EST
LOL William this is delightful and I have met people like this. BTW Cats poo wherever they choose.
Jennifer Lee Jan 23, 2009, 7:47am EST
Thanks for the giggle this morning. I'm not a wife, but I reckon you should listen to her.
Great monologue my friend. Thank you for sharing with us.
Marianne M. Jan 23, 2009, 7:53am EST
I'm pretty sure I sat next to this guy the last time I had to wait to see my ortho doctor. The doc was running behind and we discovered that 3 of us in the waiting room were booked for the same 2:00 appointment. The old gent next to me just talked and talked ... and talked some more! Enjoyed your monologue, Bill!
Marianne M. Jan 23, 2009, 7:56am EST
I've not heard the phrase "looking both sideway..." Is it colloquial?
Rose H. Jan 23, 2009, 8:12am EST
Delicious to read first thing in the morning. Sweet William, so you are that man -

the one you briefly consider calling the white coats on, until you relax and enjoy the ride. Then you walk away saying to yourself, oh I gotta tell my friend about this guy. The guy who made time fly, put a smile on your lips and kept you from reading that article you've been dying to read:)
Tanya P. Jan 23, 2009, 8:40am EST
I bet you love it when the person puts aside the magazine, looks you right in the eye (no looking both sideway), and encourages you to go ahead and talk. LOL -- This is great!
Mary Sue Searles Jan 23, 2009, 9:01am EST
Oh, how I understand and empathize. And smile. Wouldn't it be nice if the woman gave him the magazine? I hope he was led away with loving tolerance and a smidgen of humor.

What a wonderful story for my first cup of coffee this morning. Charming. Thank you for sharing.
penni d. Jan 23, 2009, 9:49am EST
lol, somebody didn't sleep last night! Enjoyable read, William...:)
Kay M. Jan 23, 2009, 11:24am EST
I wouldn't mind sitting next to that entertaining guy.
Peter Joseph Swanson Jan 23, 2009, 11:28am EST
OOOHHH - funny funny

It reminds me of some of the spontaneous "city bus theater" I hear sometimes - ha ha
Elsie Duggan Jan 23, 2009, 11:49am EST
I love this piece William, I used to hate to go to the doctors with my husband, because afraid as he was, a true hyprochondriac, the comic in him would emerge the minute we went into the doctor's office. My usual words to him before we went in, were now be good, lol. But he would start in, old Henny Youngman jokes, and all those gloomy people would end up smiling, even the receptionist, he had that gift. He didn't really bother anyone , and now when I go to the same cardiologist by myself, people waiting have said to me, where is your husband, he made everything so much fun. And then I think, he was being good. Just his way. Waiting rooms are full of people scared to death, and sometimes a little humor or just friendliness takes the edge off. I bet you are a bit like this too. Thank you William for a smile this morning.
Curt L. Jan 23, 2009, 1:29pm EST
Enjoyable to read! Thank you, William!
William Dotani Jan 23, 2009, 1:31pm EST
Looking both sideway is just a phrase that came to me out of thin air.
Any long marriage depends on a husband saying, 'Yes Dear.' The role model husband is of course Richard in 'Keeping Up Appearances.'

I just woke up 15 minutes ago.
Toni V. Jan 23, 2009, 2:23pm EST
This is really good, William, I enjoyed it very much.
Donna C. Jan 23, 2009, 2:27pm EST
I enjoyed this too, William.
I think he must be just like Richard in 'Keeping Up Appearances',
I love that show, by the way.
Thanks for the smiles today.
Bhawana 'Gather Proud Mom' Jan 23, 2009, 2:34pm EST
a woman's magazine...not readers's digest...funny, William.What's special about Dragnet.
Bhawana 'Gather Proud Mom' Jan 23, 2009, 2:36pm EST
wonderful story.Your characters seems natural.
Marge H. Jan 23, 2009, 3:24pm EST
I think I would love to come across this guy in a waiting room. :) I love your character. I can read anytime but people as colorful and entertaining as that are rare.
Deloris Wright Jan 23, 2009, 3:43pm EST
I loved this one Willam. I can just see you in a waiting room ' and some lady reading and you talkin g to her any way. And your wife having to led you out. This one is just great thanks
Bridget ♥ Jan 23, 2009, 3:58pm EST
this was great!
Tanya P. Jan 23, 2009, 4:26pm EST
I love Richard in 'Keeping Up Appearances', but he's a little too whipped a character for me to imagine him as actual potential for a "role model husband". LOL I love that show!
Angela A. Jan 23, 2009, 4:33pm EST
This is a rather humorous, lovely piece.
Thanks for posting to my group, Anythingwriting
Cathi L. Jan 23, 2009, 4:38pm EST
Thanks for posting to Aunt Annie's Arbitrary Articles, Videos & Pretty Pictures!
Becky L. Jan 23, 2009, 4:44pm EST
Reading this just makes me smile and smile and smile...... :-)
Sue T. Jan 23, 2009, 5:42pm EST
You've got me smiling, William, a nice start to my day.
Lisa Frost Jan 23, 2009, 10:44pm EST
I think this guy always makes waiting more interesting! LOL
You have a wonderful sense of humor for a silly duck.
Lin B. Jan 24, 2009, 5:39am EST
"looking both sideway..."Excellent word crafting.
Marie J. R. Jan 24, 2009, 5:00pm EST
Love the title,,, besides, simple is as simple does,,, ( kind of Forrest Gumpish?)
JOHN BECK Jan 24, 2009, 6:53pm EST
I agree that Richard is the quintessential passive husband--but role model? Your funny bone is showing, Bill.
Shelbia C. Jan 25, 2009, 2:10am EST
I used to run into this guy all the time when I worked retail. I was usually glad to see the wife coming. I knew he was harmless, but I was always at a loss as to how to respond to him.
Wilma M. Jan 25, 2009, 8:12pm EST
I love this monologue. Hope you do more of them. I can see Red Skelton doing something like this.

Sometimes I have patients in the hospital who go on similar conversational jags. I just try to follow along.
Wilma M. Jan 25, 2009, 8:14pm EST
"Stream of consciousness" - That's the phrase I sat here trying to think of for 5 minutes before posting the above comment.

Whatever goes through the mind, comes out the mouth.
Wilma M. Jan 25, 2009, 8:14pm EST
I think sitting in a waiting room with you would really be entertaining.
Heather ~of the Whippets~ M. Jan 26, 2009, 11:08pm EST
:-)
Sandy C. Jan 29, 2009, 2:56pm EST
Thanks for sharing.

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