A slim tall figure gracefully slid into view
Poise of an athlete, elegance of a dancer
My senses chorused it, it had to be you,
Lithe lissome, a swan not a prancer.
A strong handshake, you gazed into my eyes
A rare event, eyes being windows to the soul
Your carefree nearness was a prize
Your effusive prattle could make fractures whole.
Like warm clothing, like a cat around my neck
Your proximity was like Dead Sea water
Even fossils of emotions floated without check
You seemed like a future avatar's daughter.
You slithered out of many preconceived images
Like a foggy finger that writes as it erases.
(c) Max Babi
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Comments: 20
Blessings and best wishes - S.
meeting feel almost as if this were a reunion of deep bonds
established in former lives after a long stretch of closely
heartheld but not physically presented embrace. I am deeply
touched by the hypnotic attentions to sensory appeals...the
metaphors are languid and yet so vibrantly alive and taste like
liquid gold melting over qualia in early arousals. Loved this, Max!
Max, you might add sonnet and Mindful Poetry to the tag lines??
The narrator seems completely bewitched by his subject. So bewitched that he is at a loss for the right words, and mixes Shakespearean sonnets with modern poetry.
The effect is wonderful!
Yes, Ann, your observations are absolutely apt.
Thanks.
Cheerz!
Max
"A strong handshake, you gazed into my eyes"
For some reason the 'strong handshake' doesn't work for me.
"Like warm clothing, like a cat around my neck
Your proximity was like Dead Sea water
Even fossils of emotions floated without check
You seemed like a future avatar's daughter."
You've used 'like' 3 times. What about 'as'?
Leave 'like' out on the last line: 'You seemed a future avatar's daughter.'
Yes Nyota, your comments are welcome.
I will think them over and incorporate changes.
Warmth
Max
No to be contraire but:
"A strong handshake, you gazed into my eyes
A rare event, eyes being windows to the soul"
was personal, and is exactly how I start new friendships so it really worked for me.
and these two lines, one above, one below,
"Your effusive prattle could make fractures whole.
Like warm clothing, like a cat around my neck"
are the wealth of companionship personified:
a comfortable confidence, glows through out.
Feels pretty perfect to me, sir.
Thanks
Cheerz!
Max