by Selene N.
Member since:
July 26, 2006

Parenting Question: What to Believe the Toddler?

January 21, 2009 11:51 PM EST
views: 92 | rating: 10/10 (12 votes) | comments: 18

My 2-year-old daughter Kyleigh is speaking quite a bit. I had thought it was great because now she could just tell me what's going on without me having to guess.

But is it really?

I started to find that Kyleigh told me conflicting things. One minute she told me she wasn't hungery, and the next minute she cried for food (and ate 2 bowls of noodles). One minute she asked for the Goldfish crackers, and the next minute (after I had just poured some in the bowl) she said she didn't want them any more. Or, I asked her something and she answered one way, but later I found out from another adult that it wasn't like what she said...

I am not blaming Kyleigh for saying conflicting things. She probably just didn't understand my question or simply just changed her mind, like all kids do. But I am a little frustrated because I want to do the best for her and react quickly based on her feedback, but now I don't know if she really meant what she said.

Do/Did you have this problem? What do/did you do to decipher the toddler's words?

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Comments: 18

Having a loose schedule of when meal time is, and when snack times are will help keep it clear in both her mind and yours. She'll get used to know, for instance, that she gets a small snack in the morning, and one before bath time, or whenever. Letting her dictate when it's time to eat will lead to confusion on both your parts, because she may not really be old enough to verbalize or recognize just when she is getting hungry.

It doesn't need to be a strict schedule- like every day lunch is at noon. But, there should be a semblance of a schedule- for instance, lunch is always between 11:30 and 12:30 at some point. It gives her more of an idea on when to expect things.
Vic Needs Coffee Jan 21, 2009, 11:56pm EST
Children are fickle. I think most toddlers just say what comes to mind at that particular moment. They don't have the rationale of (most) adults to think things through.
B.B. B. Jan 22, 2009, 12:02am EST
my little one is the same and i started wondering if there was something wrong with her, but now i know it must be a 2 year old problem. one minute she says she wants warm milk, so i pour it and bring it to her, then she cries for water. or i ask her what she want to eat, she says she wants Mac n Chees, i bring it and then she cries out for an apple or banana.... i am not sure why, i think she is testing me if i really jump after what she wants........... not sure
Lune Wolfsong Jan 22, 2009, 12:04am EST
Oh, yes. My youngest are 22 mos and 3 years, so we're having lots of frustration around here with this. They don't always understand the questions, change their minds, or try to guess what they think we want to hear. And they're prone to telling things how they wish they were, rather than how they really are, until they're around seven or so.
Selene N. Jan 22, 2009, 12:17am EST
Lune - 7??????? Man....
Jessica S. Jan 22, 2009, 12:47am EST
paying it f?rward t?day!
Lune Wolfsong Jan 22, 2009, 1:03am EST
Yeah, typically from 5-7 you'll see them grow out of telling the wishful thinking stories, from what I remember reading in the child development books/sites on it. My daughter is seven now and it seems like she's just gotten through that.

I found this page interesting, it's about preschoolers and communication.
Larry H. Jan 22, 2009, 2:19am EST
BET YOU DO IT TOO, WANT SOMETHING THEN CHANGE YOUR MIND, I DO.
Alison H. Jan 22, 2009, 2:21am EST
There is a series of books called, "Your Two-Year-Old," "Your Three-Year-Old," etc. that are very helpful for understanding the stages of development they go through. I bet your local library has them.
Debra H. Jan 22, 2009, 6:46am EST
It sounds typical for a two year old, their attention span is short and what they want one minute will change the next.
strongthrufight E. Jan 22, 2009, 7:04am EST
Yup leadership, she's realized that her opinion and say so matter so she's trying it out to her advantage...smart girl...oh and don't all girl's change their mind at will?
tammie p. Jan 22, 2009, 8:01am EST
thank you for sharing this
Sandy (back in Ohio...blah!) Jan 22, 2009, 9:11am EST
She sounds just like my kids at that age. She is learning she can communicate more with you. At times I think it is them testing us. She may be doing that just to see if you understand her. But its normal.
Heidianna "Coriander" T. Jan 22, 2009, 9:12am EST
Aww, don't have any advice. But, I'm sure it makes things interesting for you!
Selene N. Jan 22, 2009, 11:53pm EST
Thanks, all!!
Selene N. Jan 22, 2009, 11:54pm EST
Alison - I will check them out.
David K. Jan 25, 2009, 6:55am EST
Kids may know words but they may not always have a good understanding of the meaning, especially when stringing them into sentences. She may actually have thought she was saying she was hungry, but got the meanings mixed up. So for a while you just have to bear with it until comprehension catches up with construction.

Oh, and she's doing this in two languages at once. So even more meanings and nuances to filter.
Renee (Pres of Baby James Foundation) ~. Jan 28, 2009, 9:05pm EST
I think thats just kids James does the same thing.

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