"Drunk" is a funny song for me, because it makes people think I'm a big drinker. I'm not. In fact, I'm a lightweight. I'm drunk after one drink. I get contact drunk just from sitting on certain scuzzy bar stools. I'm the same way with caffeine actually. If I have a cup of decaf coffee after seven, I'll be realphabetizing my DVDs at one in the morning. Pathetic.
That said, I do occasionally drink. And if there's anything that's fun to do while you're drunk, it's flirt. This song is about those mysterious times when you actually manage to flirt successfully while inebriated. It's a rare occurrence, yes, but so magical it deserves a song.
Also, I'm a sucker for a good opening line, and "I got a gift from the bartender: the drink I bought for you, marked Return to Sender" simply demanded a full song. What choice did I have but to write it?
That's how it happens. A totally arbitrary idea, and it ends up being one of my best songs. It's a blast to play live, and I think Tim Davies, who wrote the horn arrangement for the version on the EP, did an unbelievable job making four horns end up sounding like a whole big band. I couldn't be happier with it.
So that's the story. And now that I have your ear, I must ask: "What are some of the silly things you or someone you know have done while drunk?" Post your responses in the comments below, and one respondent will get my digital EP for free! Try listening to it drunk!
-tommy
http://www.tommywallach.com
Get my new EP at iTunes.
*Comments must be posted by Sunday, January 25th for a chance to be drawn by Gather to receive Tommy Wallach's digital EP for free.
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Comments: 71
Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again.~John 3:7
But! Dang!
Our kids did a great job the first time they had sparkling grape juice on New Year's when they were about 8 and 10. They just seemed to be drunk, falling all over the place and laughing.
I was drunk...drunk.
Well there was a cop standing at the counter so I thought I would play it real cool. Get my big gulp take it to the counter all without staggering.
So I get my drink and start walking to the counter. Its going pretty good and then I spill my drink right on the cops leg.
It was 64 oz of cold Pepsi running into his shoe.
He looks at me and says.
You can either let me give you a ride home or the second you get in your car and drive away I will stop you a block from here and arrest you for drunk driving.
I let him give me a ride.
We dated for almost a year after that.
His Sister and BIL lived in a cul de sac and all of the lights were off when we got there except for one solitary light which we took to think was his light. I drove us around and around and around that cul de sac honking the horn and all three of us drunk or mildly inebriated girls yelling his name out the window.
We must have done that about 20 times before he finally came to the door waving us off telling us his Sister was going to call the cops. Needless to say we drove off and boy was he ever mad at me and us for that crazy stint. :p
so at some point we said he better kill it, and aftera fight of no i dont want to touch it, no there is nothing big enough to kill it around, we said be brave, slap kill it,
well he did and hit the door so hard it cracked and cut his hand, not bad but then he swore, that spiders have blood in them
I got blamed and yelled at by my mil for "letting" them get drunk.
campfire at the creek after a day of hanging out with a cooler of frozen lemonade spiked with tequila....
Backing away from the campfire, on pebbles in flip flops, my fanny ended up being that little twist of lime in the frozen lemonade...
thanks goodness I was amongst friends...
and we were camped there for the evening!
ahhh homemade blackberry brandy
Or the time I tried to line dance and messed up everyone else as I fell flat on the floor. I never tried to line dance again.
That's just a short list of the stupidity that being drunk brings to me. Friends of mine show me pictures or email me pics that they've come across.. wow.. lol I've done some stupid stuff. But, if you can't enjoy your life and do some stupid stuff along the way, there's no point to living it!
Everyone at Comfest has an official mug. It's a big plastic monster about the size of a Big Gulp and the festival is funded partly by beer sales so we try to do our part and support the festival.
I was helping some friends out that afternoon and my cup became enchanted. I simply could not get the damn thing to empty! Every time I set it down to wrap up a package or hug someone, there would be more beer in it than before. The weather was nice and I kept drinking- I think it may have been the year the mugs had "Party with a Purpose" printed on them- and then I remembered Wil!
Someone told me it was 6:30 and I figured he'd just be getting home so I borrowed a cell phone and called him. He says it was 8:00 when I called, but I still believe it was 6:30. One thing we do agree on is this: I told him I was being a responsible drinker and I was too drunk to drive home. So he should just come on down and join the party.
He got there and we all had fun until it was time to break down for the day. We packed stuff up and loaded it into our friends' van. Then Wil asked if I was okay to drive and I said I was. So he was going to walk me to my car and it was at that time I realized I had no clue where I'd parked it over 12 hours earlier. I knew it was in front of a house. On a street. We spent the next 45 minutes looking for my car which turned out to be parked about 2 blocks from the park. Oooops!
(It could have been worse. I could have been drunk on a bicycle, but that happened the year before.)
I remember the last time I got drunk, hubby and I were actually dating still but engaged, I think. (We've been married almost 10 years)
We were out at a bar with his sister and his uncle, I had atleast one too many! :) Anyways, We were talking about the wedding and changing my last name. I said something along the lines of, "I can't wait until my name is Mrs. Bridget Jean ------" My mind totally went BLANK and I couldn't for the life of me remember my husband-to-be's last name!
To this day, they still tease me about that night!
I think perhaps my youngest was conceived after a night of Goldschlager....
However, I'm not sure I'm ready to divulge my incriminating situations just yet!
One late afternoon, bored I went to visit my friend, the bartender at a local bar, a lot like CHEERS on TV, I went much earlier then the people generally start to come in. She was glad to have my company and I sat at the lone bar sipping a beer and chatting up my friend, and told her how strange to be in the bar when it's competely empty.
My friend responded that it wasn't empty, that there were two woman sitting in the far back booth, drinking, laughing, dancing all by themselves. I just said hummmm and watched as she wiped down some bottles. The music in the juke box suddenly ended and I said "hey give me a couple tokens to put in the jukebox, this place is creepy without noise" My friend laughed and tossed me two tokens.
I stood up to go to the juke box and noticed the two woman heading for it too, so I thought I'd go potty and maybe get to save my tokens for later---as I passed them they smiled and said "Hi!" and I responded equally "happy" with a "Hi back at'cha" and headed for the restroom. I waited for about five minutes, fixing my hair, and thinking about what their "story" might be seeing as they were in here alone, drinking heavy and so early.
Deciding I'd waited long enough I slipped out the bathroom door only to see them STILL standing at the jukebox. I glanced at my friend with a "what's the deal here?" look and my friend silently shrugged her shoulders, shook her head at me and walked away giggling. Frustrated at the silence, I walked over to the juke box and asked them if I could play a song, they parted like the red sea and said "Sure Honey, loveeee yer har, is it naturally curly? I said yes, and as she kept playing with my curls, she was telling her friend; "feel her hair, it is so soft, and smells good too" then she stuck her nose in my hair and whiffed in deeply---I said "Ok, enough of that, leave my hair alone", they both apologized and said they were just taken in by my beauty and dark hair and had to touch it.
I just smerked at them and bent over to look at the jukebox selections, when I sensed ...hell I don't know what I sensed, just that I needed to watch my back, so I turned around and there they stood, BOTH of them staring at my BUTT! I said what's going on? What are you two up to? They responded with giggles and said we're up for anything you want.
Now I know I can be nieve at times and at that time I had no clue about the gay life or even really what it was.....so their innuendos passed right over my head, so I just humppped at them and said curtly "stop staring at my butt!" and turned back around to choose a song.
They suddenly surrounded me and asked if they could help pick one out, as I had two selections---I smiled and said ok, and so we gathered around the jukebox and chose "Red Neck Girl" and while it played [my favorite song] I sang along to it as they searched for their selection---suddenly one turned to me and leaned real close and said "Do you like Woman?", I didn't thnk I heard her correctly what with the music right in my ears, so I said "What?!" and she leaned in, made a big production of lifting my hair to whisper in my ear and said "I said; DO YOU like WOMAN?"
Without missing a beat, I said loudly "Oh Yeah, I love that song! I think we have it too!
I bent down searching the jukebox, they both stopped in their tracks, looked at each other and started just rolling in laughter. I said what's so funny? They just both reached out and hugged me, laughing and saying "you are so cute! and silly!", and I laughed with them at their drunkeness and said What? You asked me if I like The Helen Reddy song "I am Woman" and I said yes I loved it, so what's so funny?
Then finally they got their laughter under control and said "Look honey, we asked you if you LIKE WOMAN, NOT the song 'I am Woman"----so do you?" and still ignorant I said "Do I what?" and they repeated "WOMAN! WOMAN! DO YOU LIKE WOMAN?!"
The light finally hitting my dark tunnel of a brain I said ; WHAT?! WOMAN as in Lesbians?!
They both smiled at me, almost like hungry wolves, and said "Yessssss like woman on woman", you know like the three of us maybe? I said "Nooooooooo way!" and they said "Have you ever been with a woman? And I said "NOT only NO but HELL NO!" and they said "Well then how do you know if you'd like it or not?"
I said "trust me, I don't need to try it, to know that I like MEN!" and they responded with "So let us give you a try and see if you like it or not?"
I quickly backed up and said "OK, I draw the line here, back the *F* away from me. I'm strictly a MAN'S woman, and although flattered by your words, your actions sicken me so get away from me and stay away" and I huffed back to my stool where my friend sat stifling a giggle and rolling her eyes at me.
I said "What?! Don't you start too" and she laughed and said "I could have told you what their story was about by the way they looked at you when you walked in"....I said "Some friend you are, thanks for nothing" then we both busted out laughing as the two woman silently walked past us out of the bar.
That night my friend told anyone who would listen how because my mouth moves faster then my brain, two lesbians got the hots for me and she told the story of how I mistook "Do you like woman" for "Do you like "I Am WOMAN-by Helen Reddy" and I was the laughing stock of the bar the entire night......and for a long time afterwards [months] people would come up to me [usually men] and laughingly say "Hey you like woman?" and walk away laughing.....I thought it was funny, it was back then anyway, hope you do too. *sigh* *giggle*
We don't drink anymore! lol
Congratulations to Kitty L. She was drawn to receive Tommy Wallach's EP.
(dogogne it....LOL)
This is just SOOOOOOO awesome!!!!!
Thank you everyone and sorry you didn't win....NOT! *GIGGLE* :0)