Top Ten Signs She Will Not Be Going On a Second Date With You

 10. During those awkward silences you tried to lighten the mood with "Yo mama" jokes.

 9. It's nothing she says, but it's her facial expression as she is wheeled into the emergency room after the incident.

 8. While driving her home she made a call and whispered "blue sedan, driver's side, take him out." 

7.  She was allergic to roses, she wouldn't eat steak because she's vegetarian, the waiter reminded her of her father's murderer, and she hit on your ex.

 6. You didn't notice the "green dangler" till you got home.

 5. She didn't agree to the first date, but you showed up anyway.

 4. At your first date, your conversation peaked at "I like mayonnaise. Do you like mayonnaise?"

 3. She hasn't responded to the fifty-seven messages you left her on the answering machine yesterday, not even the seven of them where you were singing "My Heart Will Go On."

 2. It turns out the girl you gave your best ever kiss when the door opened was her sister.

 1. Her parents approved of you.