by Dame Ruth, Chief Executive Elitist D.
Member since:
August 1, 2006

Tagged by John O. Four Times I was Wrong.

January 15, 2009 02:44 PM EST (Updated: January 15, 2009 02:46 PM EST)
views: 97 | comments: 21

1.  I expected to be dead before I went on Social Security.  That was almost twenty years ago, and I keep waking up.  Every. Damn. Day.

 

2.  I thought said demise would be caused by a gunshot fired by a jealous wife.  Since the last male who touched me in anything like an intimate way was a gay nurse, that fantasy becomes dimmer and dimmer. Every. Damn. Day.

 

3.  I believed I would never live at the same address for more than a year.  I was reluctantly deposited on Redneck Lane by my (insert adjective here) sister eight years ago!  I've wanted to leave ever since I arrived, but my plans to escape are constantly being foiled.  Every. Damn. Day.

 

4.  I fully expected to remain irresistibly attractive to every man who laid eyes on me, regardless of the ravages of time.  Now I'm lucky if I get a passing glance from the UPS guy, even if I answer the door naked.  Which I do.  Every. Damn. Day.

 

I tag Trexler Topping,  Sarah A., Janna R. and David Rochester

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Comments: 21

I've been waiting for this all day. You never let me down.

Every. Damn. Day.
Doyle ( IS SOOO 7 for 7 soon... ) C. Jan 15, 2009, 2:49pm EST
Nicely done, Dame. Excellent work which we've become accustomed to getting from you. Every. Damn. Day. :o)

Regards,
Doyle I <~~~~~
I don't care what your tag says, I love him for making you do this.
Lori F. Jan 15, 2009, 2:50pm EST
Ditto what Doyle said.
Tonia, who hugs trees G. Jan 15, 2009, 2:53pm EST
Dame - once again you have elevated one of this little diversions to entirely new heights.
Ahh, my Friend, Dame Ruth! You've made me snort... and I am so glad you tagged The Janna. That's the one I desperately want to read.
Peter Joseph Swanson Jan 15, 2009, 2:55pm EST
That's what false eyelashes and a bright red wig are for.
Damn, now I have to come up 4 times I was wrong! My powers of invention may not be strong enough for this one!
Sarah, I can lend you some of my wrongs. I have plenty to spare. I'm generous that way.
Kris M. Jan 15, 2009, 3:16pm EST
John can store his UPS uniform in the same drawer where I keep my Catholic schoolgirl getup...
Kris M. Jan 15, 2009, 3:17pm EST
I now have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don't expect to live long enough to collect Social Security either. I should probably start taking a more cavalier attitude with my prescriptions...
I thought I'd be dead years ago...
I never thought I'd see 50. I'm well past that and think I better start caring a little bit more for my health pretty soon.
Sheryl O. Jan 15, 2009, 3:34pm EST
Can't say I'm sorry about #1, or #2, for selfish reasons, of course. Your readers have all reaped the benefits of those 'failures'.

As for #4, there are a lot of us in that club. At least you won't be lacking commiseration.
CC Miranda the artrat (or am i?) Jan 15, 2009, 3:57pm EST
ah Dame, that was highly entertaining. i know what you mean about trying to get out of Redneck Lane (or just florida in general) every. damn. day.
Amelia Earhart Jan 15, 2009, 7:20pm EST
Look on the bright side: you could be treading water. Every, Damn. Day.
Grems 'gremlin' Jan 15, 2009, 7:30pm EST
Dame Ruth, what a delight. I have much to look forward to because my family lives into their 90's.
Aniko   Jan 16, 2009, 1:50am EST
Number 1 happens to be my retirement plan too. So what? It doesn't look like the fancier and more responsible plans are doing much better these days...
Tracy Fabre Jan 16, 2009, 3:29pm EST
My first cackle for the day (and it's already 2:30 p.m.)... thank you, thank you!
Kathleen ♥ L. Jan 19, 2009, 2:33am EST
Thank you for the late night chuckle...
I guess I'd better start squirrelling away some $$ as I am rapidly closing in on Social Security age myself. If I'm lucky there might still be something left in the fund. Then again it probably won't cover my rent.
I shall have to look for the rest of these articles.

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