by Sheila Deeth
Member since:
February 1, 2007

September to June - Dancing Fingers #10 challenge

January 08, 2009 09:19 PM EST
views: 79 | comments: 16

I’m watching you

And you look so fine

Nothing out of time

Out of tune

The rhyme’s remembering

Too soon.

 

I’m watching you

And your eyes turn gray

Nothing left to say

Turn away

The road’s Septembering

To June.

 

I’m watching you

And I’m saying goodbye

Nothing’s telling me why

Still I cry

And we’re always pretending

We’ve been to the moon.

 

I’m watching you

Asking why

And it’s over too soon.

 

© Sheila Deeth, January 2009



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Comments: 16

lynn a. Jan 8, 2009, 9:22pm EST
I can feel the emotion, Sheila. Good take on the challenge.
lynn a. Jan 8, 2009, 9:24pm EST
I especially liked "The road’s Septembering

To June. Now that is catchy.
Kushal Poddar Jan 8, 2009, 10:07pm EST
The poem is wonderful, perfect. The last stanZa is subtle yet with feelings.

The Wind Street Journal
JOHN BECK Jan 8, 2009, 11:06pm EST
What a poetic ending of a relationship. There's not a dull stanza in the entire poem.
A sad poem and a well written poem.
Sakuragirl S. Jan 9, 2009, 1:39am EST
You have masterfully caught the love sickness from the song provided as promt! Well done, Sheila!

Thank you for posting to Dancing Fingers
Granny Janny H. Jan 9, 2009, 3:36am EST
It is over too soon...and I have been to the moon...you lit the way with this poem.
Lisa Frost Jan 9, 2009, 9:15am EST
well done! wonderful writing.
Marge H. Jan 9, 2009, 10:37am EST
I remember feeling like this, wondering where and when it all went wrong.
Digital Diva S. Jan 10, 2009, 7:24am EST
That made my hart ache.
Sandy C. Jan 10, 2009, 1:57pm EST
Well done!
William Dotani Jan 11, 2009, 1:11am EST
The melancholy sits on the edge of sorrow. I very much love the rapid rhythm of this verse. A very enjoyable read.
Alison Pearce Jan 11, 2009, 5:11pm EST
Fabulous piece Sheila!!
aratma d. Jan 12, 2009, 10:20am EST
simply beautiful
Wilma M. Jan 15, 2009, 4:12pm EST
This made me sad, thinking of a similar happening in my life.
Shelbia C. Jan 18, 2009, 4:34am EST
I enjoyed this

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