Today is my dad’s birthday, January 6. I haven’t spoken to him in a long time, maybe about three years. I don’t even have a phone number to call him. I’m glad I don’t have it because I would be very conflicted about calling him. The last time he called me was on Christmas Eve a few years ago and it was a long, 3 hour conversation as I sat in the parking lot of the grocery store after doing my last grocery trip for Christmas dinner.
It always starts out as a good, happy, and normal conversation but it quickly, usually, turns bad. I’ve never been one to talk back to either of my parents. I can’t think of a single time in my 53 years when I have done that. I’ve never raised my voice at either of them either. He always turns the conversation on me, though. The last time he made me cry. He usually does. When he called that time, he ended up telling me about a physical fist fight he got into with my brother because he (my dad) was defending me. I just listened. Then this summer when my mom was visiting, she told me that the real reason they got into a fist fight was because my dad said some horrible, and untrue, things about me and my brother was defending me.
So I guess I’m glad I don’t have his number. I wish he’d change but I guess at the age of 79, he’s not going to change.
I wish I had a better, normal, relationship with him but I don’t.
I’m just wondering when enough is enough, even though he’s family.
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Comments: 11
It's okay to walk away from family or friends who hurt you and add no value to your life. You did nothing wrong. Some people are just so damaged that they can't or won't change. It's not your fault and it sounds like you've given him more than one chance to redeem himself. He hasn't done it.
Don't punish yourself by feeling guilty for wanting more from your father- just realize he may be incapable of giving it.
Sometimes it is best to break free and have no contact with certain family members. I know some people can't imagine doing that. But I understand completely. As I have some dousys in my family and extended (n laws) as well.
It is ashame we have to lose something precious as our fathers but I hope you have alot more in life to look forward to. I have 5 of the 6 grandkids. They are awesome. I raise one of them and helped with 2 more. We also lost one when she was 6 wks old. But life can be so rich and it is My Father's loss, even though I love him and miss him because he allowed my mother to put up that wall and he did nothing to bring it back down.
If you ever need a shoulder or to chat let me know! Lyn
Marilyn
On a completely different subject, I did want to comment on your post regarding guns. If you feel the need for personal protection, a gun isn't the only option. Mace works very well as it catches the perp off-guard and buys you time to respond.